AngryPixel
Chairman of Selectors
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2009
- Location
- Mumbai, India
- Online Cricket Games Owned
-
- Don Bradman Cricket 14 - PS3
- Don Bradman Cricket 14 - Steam PC
Just found out about his website today from another forum and boy i am loving it. He archives his weird and funny emails on the site. Here is one:
You can read rest of them at his website. (Link is in my sig)
AngryPixel added 17 Minutes and 12 Seconds later...
And this is his son Seb
David's Thoughts:
Sometimes I cannot work out my offspring. One moment he will state something that catches me off guard with its clarity, then the next come out with something that causes me to think he may be mentally handicapped.
I was called into his school to speak with the teacher recently. Her statement "He has a good sense of humour but he is the only one that gets it" slightly concerned me but her explanation of why he had received three detentions made me laugh which is not the reaction she expected;
Detention 1
Raised his hand during maths class and asked "If Kate (a large girl in his class) did not eat for five weeks, would she get skinny or die?"
Detention 2
After teachers had calmed down a very upset child , it was dicovered that Seb had told her "I heard the teachers saying that your parents died today and you are going to have to live at the school."
Detention 3
While the principal was explaining the 'no nut policy' due to nut allergies during a school assembly, Seb yelled out "Woah, thats a lot of nuts" after watching the movie Kung Pow the night before.
Detention 4
Took a flash drive to school and installed the game Tower Defense on fourteen computers...
Send seb a message and tell him he needs a haircut (because no matter how long he grows it, it will never look like Anakin Skywalker's) or leave a comment
Seb's thoughts:
:rtfl
Money
"If I had a million dollars I would buy a house with big robot legs."
After paying $7.50 for a coffee
"We should open up a shop next to that one, buy their coffees and sell them from our shop for a dollar more."
Our four door Mazda sedan
"We should paint flames on the side. Girls like cars with flames on the side. You will never get a girlfriend in a car that looks like this."
DVD rental prices
"It makes no sense, this one is four dollars for a whole week and this one is six dollars for one night.
It is backwards. Someone should tell them."
After being offered a yoghurt sample in a supermarket
"She was nice, you should ask her to be your girlfriend before someone else does."
Paying for petrol
"Leaves burn, why can't we just fill our car up with them? They are free."
On being asked by a lady in an elevator what he wants to be when he grows up
"Either a model or a police sniper."
Girls
"You can't trust girls. When I get a girlfriend I am not going to tell her where I live or work."
On being told his minibike had been stolen
"I hope they are riding it and the petrol tank blows up and their legs and arms get blown off and when they are in the hospital they think 'I really wish I hadn't stolen that motorbike'."
The supermarket
"If they made the aisles wider we could drive our car in and grab things through the window and pay on the way out like at McDonalds."
Regarding me being upset over a breakup
"She was ugly and fat anyway, I dont even know how you could kiss her."
Explaining the Playstation game Grand Theft Auto 4 to his grandmother
"I don't shoot everybody, just the drug dealers and hookers."
2001 A Space Odyssey
"This movie is so boring. I would rather be staring at the wall and holding my breath for two hours."
Static electricity
"If I am standing on carpet and I get electrocuted, does everybody in the room die apart from me?"
Being told that the park belongs to everybody
"We should buy a fence and make people pay us two dollars to get in."
Relationships
"I am going to have seven girlfriends when I get older so that I can be with a different one every day and then start again on Mondays."
Swimming
"If you swim in the sea then you should always go swimming with a fat girl because sharks will go for them first."
Shoplifting
"If we went into a shop and I put a stereo on and danced, you could run out with a different stereo while everyone is looking at me."
On cleaning up
"It will just get messy again. I like it like this, it shows we have better things to do than cleaning."
Marriage
"If you get married, do you have to let your wife look at your penis?"
Super Powers
"If I could have only one super power it would be to breathe in space."
On having homosexuality explained
"That's gross. Not the bit about girls kissing girls though, that's pretty good."
School
"I don't understand why I have to go to school at all, the internet knows more than all the teachers there put together."
Religion
"If I was god I would make all the girls in the world wear no clothes."
Hygiene
"You should never wash your hands because then you will have more germs than everything else and germs won't go on you because there is no room."
AngryPixel added 6 Minutes and 52 Seconds later...
Maggie Hates Tower Defense
I do not get on all that well with my son's teacher. Ever since the day she gave him a brochure explaining the 'real meaning of Easter', I have had my eye on her.
Recently, my son Seb took a game called Tower Defense to school on his USB drive. I copied it onto there for him. As far as simple games are concerned, I think it is quite strategic and positive. At least it is not about stealing autos and shooting hookers. While I understand taking USB drives to school is a breach of the rules, I do not feel being banned from using school computers is in any way an appropriate punishment.
I do however feel a suitable and appropriate punishment for handing out medieval metaphysic propaganda to children would be a good old fashioned stoning.
From: Margaret Bennett
Date: Friday 22 August 2009 3.40pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: computer room
Hello David
I tried to call you but your phone is off. Just letting you know that Seb bought a flash drive to school yesterday and copied a game onto the school computers which is against the school rules and he has been banned from using the computer room for the rest of the term.
Sincerely, Margaret
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 24 August 2009 9.16am
To: Margaret Bennett
Subject: Re: computer room
Dear Maggie,
Thankyou for your email. I am not answering my mobile phone at the moment as I am experiencing iPhone envy and every second spent using my Nokia is like being trapped in a loveless marriage. Where you stay together for the kids. And the kids all have iPhones. I was not aware that my son taking software to school was in breach of school rules. Although the game is strategic and public domain, not to mention that it was I who copied and gave it to him, I agree that banning him from access to the computers at school is an appropriate punishment. Especially considering his enthusiasm for the subject. Also, though physical discipline is not longer administered in the public school system, it would probably be appropriate in this instance if nobody is watching. I know from experience that he can take a punch.
Regards, David.
From: Margaret Bennett
Date: Tuesday 25 August 2009 10.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: computer room
David
We would never strike a student and whether the software is pirated or not is not the issue. He denied having the drive which means he knew he shouldn't have it here then it was found in his bag so I feel the punishment is suitable.
Margaret
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 25 August 2009 11.04am
To: Margaret Bennett
Subject: Re: Re: Re: computer room
Dear Maggie,
Yes, I agree. Education and access to the tools necessary for such should always come secondary to discipline. When I was young, discipline was an accepted part of each school day. Once, when I coloured outside the lines, I was forced to stand in the playground with a sign around my neck that read 'non-conformist' while the other children pelted me with rubble from the recently torched school library. Apparently a copy of Biggles had been found behind a filing cabinet. Another time, because I desperately wanted a Battlestar Galactica jacket like Apollo in the television series, using brown house paint from the shed at home, I painted my denim jacket and used Araldite to attach brass door hinges as clasps. Feeling that it was an excellent representation and despite the oil based paint still being soaking wet, I wore it to school the next day. Unfortunately, the paint dried while I was sitting in Mrs Bowman's English class, securing me to the chair. After the school handyman cut me free, I was sent to the principal for damaging school property. My punishment was to scrape wads of chewing gum off the bottom of every chair in the school after hours. It took several weeks and it was during this lonely time that I created my imaginary friend Mr Wrigley. During class, when the teacher was not looking, we would pass each other notes regarding the merits of disciplinary action and how one day we would own real Battlestar Galactica jackets.
Also, if you happen to see Seb eating anything over the next few weeks, please remove the food from him immediately. He forgot to feed his turtle last week and I feel a month without food will help him understand both the importance of being a responsible pet owner and the effects of malnutrition.
Regards, David.
From: Margaret Bennett
Date: Tuesday 25 August 2009 4.10pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: computer room
David
I hope you are not being serious about the food but I am forwarding your email to the principal as per school policy.
Margaret
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 26 August 2009 11.18am
To: Margaret Bennett
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: computer room
Dear Maggie,
Rest assured I would not really withhold nutritional requirements from any child. Except maybe that one that starred in the Home Alone movies. I read somewhere that a healthy breakfast helps concentration and have found, since replacing my usual diet of nicotine with froot loops, I am able to move small objects with my mind. Just this morning Seb and I were discussing the importance of good nutrition which is why, if you check in his school bag, you will find a bag of rice, vegetables, a wok and a camp stove. The gas bottle can be a little tricky but has instructions printed on the side so he should be alright. Please remind him to stand well back and cover his face while igniting as the hose is worn and has developed a small leak.
Also, I am not sure what you are teaching in your classroom but Seb came home the other week talking about a healthy eating pyramid. I had to explain to him that pyramids are made of stone and therefore not edible so I would appreciate you not filling his head with these fanciful notions.
Regards, David.
From: Margaret Bennett
Date: Wednesday 26 August 2009 2.05pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: computer room
David
I have no idea what your point is. I will speak to the principal about the ban but you have to understand that only government approved software is allowed on the computers and Seb knew this rule.
Margaret
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 26 August 2009 2.17pm
To: Margaret Bennett
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: computer room
Dear Maggie,
I understand the need for conformity. Without a concise set of rules to follow we would probably all have to resort to common sense. Discipline is the key to conformity and it is important that we learn not to question authority at an early age. Just this week I found a Sue Townsend novel in Seb's bag that I do not believe is on the school approved reading list. Do not concern yourself about it making its way to the school yard though as we attended a community book burning last night. Although one lady tried to ruin the atmosphere with comments regarding Mayan codices and the Alexandrian Libraries, I mentioned to the High Magus that I had overheard her discussing spells to turn the village cow's milk sour and the mob took care of the rest.
Regards, David.
From: Margaret Bennett
Date: Thursday 27 August 2009 11.56am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: computer room
David,
I have spoken to the principal and in this instance we will lift the ban.
Margaret
You can read rest of them at his website. (Link is in my sig)
AngryPixel added 17 Minutes and 12 Seconds later...
And this is his son Seb
David's Thoughts:
Sometimes I cannot work out my offspring. One moment he will state something that catches me off guard with its clarity, then the next come out with something that causes me to think he may be mentally handicapped.
I was called into his school to speak with the teacher recently. Her statement "He has a good sense of humour but he is the only one that gets it" slightly concerned me but her explanation of why he had received three detentions made me laugh which is not the reaction she expected;
Detention 1
Raised his hand during maths class and asked "If Kate (a large girl in his class) did not eat for five weeks, would she get skinny or die?"
Detention 2
After teachers had calmed down a very upset child , it was dicovered that Seb had told her "I heard the teachers saying that your parents died today and you are going to have to live at the school."
Detention 3
While the principal was explaining the 'no nut policy' due to nut allergies during a school assembly, Seb yelled out "Woah, thats a lot of nuts" after watching the movie Kung Pow the night before.
Detention 4
Took a flash drive to school and installed the game Tower Defense on fourteen computers...
Send seb a message and tell him he needs a haircut (because no matter how long he grows it, it will never look like Anakin Skywalker's) or leave a comment
Seb's thoughts:
:rtfl
Money
"If I had a million dollars I would buy a house with big robot legs."
After paying $7.50 for a coffee
"We should open up a shop next to that one, buy their coffees and sell them from our shop for a dollar more."
Our four door Mazda sedan
"We should paint flames on the side. Girls like cars with flames on the side. You will never get a girlfriend in a car that looks like this."
DVD rental prices
"It makes no sense, this one is four dollars for a whole week and this one is six dollars for one night.
It is backwards. Someone should tell them."
After being offered a yoghurt sample in a supermarket
"She was nice, you should ask her to be your girlfriend before someone else does."
Paying for petrol
"Leaves burn, why can't we just fill our car up with them? They are free."
On being asked by a lady in an elevator what he wants to be when he grows up
"Either a model or a police sniper."
Girls
"You can't trust girls. When I get a girlfriend I am not going to tell her where I live or work."
On being told his minibike had been stolen
"I hope they are riding it and the petrol tank blows up and their legs and arms get blown off and when they are in the hospital they think 'I really wish I hadn't stolen that motorbike'."
The supermarket
"If they made the aisles wider we could drive our car in and grab things through the window and pay on the way out like at McDonalds."
Regarding me being upset over a breakup
"She was ugly and fat anyway, I dont even know how you could kiss her."
Explaining the Playstation game Grand Theft Auto 4 to his grandmother
"I don't shoot everybody, just the drug dealers and hookers."
2001 A Space Odyssey
"This movie is so boring. I would rather be staring at the wall and holding my breath for two hours."
Static electricity
"If I am standing on carpet and I get electrocuted, does everybody in the room die apart from me?"
Being told that the park belongs to everybody
"We should buy a fence and make people pay us two dollars to get in."
Relationships
"I am going to have seven girlfriends when I get older so that I can be with a different one every day and then start again on Mondays."
Swimming
"If you swim in the sea then you should always go swimming with a fat girl because sharks will go for them first."
Shoplifting
"If we went into a shop and I put a stereo on and danced, you could run out with a different stereo while everyone is looking at me."
On cleaning up
"It will just get messy again. I like it like this, it shows we have better things to do than cleaning."
Marriage
"If you get married, do you have to let your wife look at your penis?"
Super Powers
"If I could have only one super power it would be to breathe in space."
On having homosexuality explained
"That's gross. Not the bit about girls kissing girls though, that's pretty good."
School
"I don't understand why I have to go to school at all, the internet knows more than all the teachers there put together."
Religion
"If I was god I would make all the girls in the world wear no clothes."
Hygiene
"You should never wash your hands because then you will have more germs than everything else and germs won't go on you because there is no room."
AngryPixel added 6 Minutes and 52 Seconds later...
Maggie Hates Tower Defense
I do not get on all that well with my son's teacher. Ever since the day she gave him a brochure explaining the 'real meaning of Easter', I have had my eye on her.
Recently, my son Seb took a game called Tower Defense to school on his USB drive. I copied it onto there for him. As far as simple games are concerned, I think it is quite strategic and positive. At least it is not about stealing autos and shooting hookers. While I understand taking USB drives to school is a breach of the rules, I do not feel being banned from using school computers is in any way an appropriate punishment.
I do however feel a suitable and appropriate punishment for handing out medieval metaphysic propaganda to children would be a good old fashioned stoning.
From: Margaret Bennett
Date: Friday 22 August 2009 3.40pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: computer room
Hello David
I tried to call you but your phone is off. Just letting you know that Seb bought a flash drive to school yesterday and copied a game onto the school computers which is against the school rules and he has been banned from using the computer room for the rest of the term.
Sincerely, Margaret
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 24 August 2009 9.16am
To: Margaret Bennett
Subject: Re: computer room
Dear Maggie,
Thankyou for your email. I am not answering my mobile phone at the moment as I am experiencing iPhone envy and every second spent using my Nokia is like being trapped in a loveless marriage. Where you stay together for the kids. And the kids all have iPhones. I was not aware that my son taking software to school was in breach of school rules. Although the game is strategic and public domain, not to mention that it was I who copied and gave it to him, I agree that banning him from access to the computers at school is an appropriate punishment. Especially considering his enthusiasm for the subject. Also, though physical discipline is not longer administered in the public school system, it would probably be appropriate in this instance if nobody is watching. I know from experience that he can take a punch.
Regards, David.
From: Margaret Bennett
Date: Tuesday 25 August 2009 10.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: computer room
David
We would never strike a student and whether the software is pirated or not is not the issue. He denied having the drive which means he knew he shouldn't have it here then it was found in his bag so I feel the punishment is suitable.
Margaret
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 25 August 2009 11.04am
To: Margaret Bennett
Subject: Re: Re: Re: computer room
Dear Maggie,
Yes, I agree. Education and access to the tools necessary for such should always come secondary to discipline. When I was young, discipline was an accepted part of each school day. Once, when I coloured outside the lines, I was forced to stand in the playground with a sign around my neck that read 'non-conformist' while the other children pelted me with rubble from the recently torched school library. Apparently a copy of Biggles had been found behind a filing cabinet. Another time, because I desperately wanted a Battlestar Galactica jacket like Apollo in the television series, using brown house paint from the shed at home, I painted my denim jacket and used Araldite to attach brass door hinges as clasps. Feeling that it was an excellent representation and despite the oil based paint still being soaking wet, I wore it to school the next day. Unfortunately, the paint dried while I was sitting in Mrs Bowman's English class, securing me to the chair. After the school handyman cut me free, I was sent to the principal for damaging school property. My punishment was to scrape wads of chewing gum off the bottom of every chair in the school after hours. It took several weeks and it was during this lonely time that I created my imaginary friend Mr Wrigley. During class, when the teacher was not looking, we would pass each other notes regarding the merits of disciplinary action and how one day we would own real Battlestar Galactica jackets.
Also, if you happen to see Seb eating anything over the next few weeks, please remove the food from him immediately. He forgot to feed his turtle last week and I feel a month without food will help him understand both the importance of being a responsible pet owner and the effects of malnutrition.
Regards, David.
From: Margaret Bennett
Date: Tuesday 25 August 2009 4.10pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: computer room
David
I hope you are not being serious about the food but I am forwarding your email to the principal as per school policy.
Margaret
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 26 August 2009 11.18am
To: Margaret Bennett
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: computer room
Dear Maggie,
Rest assured I would not really withhold nutritional requirements from any child. Except maybe that one that starred in the Home Alone movies. I read somewhere that a healthy breakfast helps concentration and have found, since replacing my usual diet of nicotine with froot loops, I am able to move small objects with my mind. Just this morning Seb and I were discussing the importance of good nutrition which is why, if you check in his school bag, you will find a bag of rice, vegetables, a wok and a camp stove. The gas bottle can be a little tricky but has instructions printed on the side so he should be alright. Please remind him to stand well back and cover his face while igniting as the hose is worn and has developed a small leak.
Also, I am not sure what you are teaching in your classroom but Seb came home the other week talking about a healthy eating pyramid. I had to explain to him that pyramids are made of stone and therefore not edible so I would appreciate you not filling his head with these fanciful notions.
Regards, David.
From: Margaret Bennett
Date: Wednesday 26 August 2009 2.05pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: computer room
David
I have no idea what your point is. I will speak to the principal about the ban but you have to understand that only government approved software is allowed on the computers and Seb knew this rule.
Margaret
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 26 August 2009 2.17pm
To: Margaret Bennett
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: computer room
Dear Maggie,
I understand the need for conformity. Without a concise set of rules to follow we would probably all have to resort to common sense. Discipline is the key to conformity and it is important that we learn not to question authority at an early age. Just this week I found a Sue Townsend novel in Seb's bag that I do not believe is on the school approved reading list. Do not concern yourself about it making its way to the school yard though as we attended a community book burning last night. Although one lady tried to ruin the atmosphere with comments regarding Mayan codices and the Alexandrian Libraries, I mentioned to the High Magus that I had overheard her discussing spells to turn the village cow's milk sour and the mob took care of the rest.
Regards, David.
From: Margaret Bennett
Date: Thursday 27 August 2009 11.56am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: computer room
David,
I have spoken to the principal and in this instance we will lift the ban.
Margaret
Last edited:
