Story Hot and Sticky Tour (ENG vs WI)

[tigerdes]

Well its a far cry from the SCG but Richie, Bill, Tony and the gang will be guiding you through this tour of the West Indies. Similarly to Fishbowlman's tour this will be sponsored by Sams_Exe and Tutsi Patch 3.0 in Hard mode. The current tour match being played is the third game of the tour vs Trinidad but here are the guys to give you a run down on the highs and lows of the first two games on tour.

 

[tigerdes]

RB: Welcome here to Sabina Park for the first game of England's tour in the Caribbean. Having not had TOO much prepration England chose to field a full strength side with Foster preferred to Chris Read behind the stumps and Harmison, Anderson, Jones, Giles and Flintoff charged with the ball. On a hard pitch with as much bounce as a tight trampoline the England bowlers set TO taking on the plucky West Indian batsmen.

They started well the Windies until Darren Ganga had a slash just outside off stump. He'd been at the crease a while had Ganga and he is well known for having teh smallest bladder in the West Indian A side. Whilst he was preoccupied Harmison bowl a real beaut that he didn;t even look at and he was bowled for 44. The Windies collapsed shortly after that dismissal falling from 96-0 to 228 all out. A pretty p*ss poor effort you night say, that would be until you saw the England score card.

 

[tigerdes]

England struggled with the bat and Tresco' gotta thick edge for 7 with Vaughan and Hussain the only TWO TO contribute to a pitiful score of just 200 all out. Vaughany blamed his sides lacklustre performance on the fact that they were short of funds having spent a large portion of the tours budget on hair dye for Anderson and pies for Freddi Flintoff. As a result the team had travelled in the cargo hold, with Caddick and Harmison stored away in golf bag. Nonetheless the ardouous journey next to a 7-iron hadn't left Harmo TOO out of sorts and he launched a fiery spell of pace bowling taking 5 wickets in the Windies A second innings as they collapsed to 72 all out.

The Windies however, were truly awful with the ball and gave away far TOO many byes with England chasing one hundred TO win. Fifty TWO byes in total meaning that Vaughan and Trescothick needed to score just 48 runs from the bat to seal a 10 wicket victory in the first game of the tour.

 

[tigerdes]

RB: And so we moved inTO the second game of the tour and the first test. And over the Tony Greig for the pitch report

TG: Well it'll be a miracle if anyone gets out on this pitch. No cracks anywhere, which kind of makes an arse of my pitch report. Mark Butcher has been warming up with a scrotometer and let me tell you it's giving a very sticky and moist reading. A flat pitch, a hot day and not a cloud in sight. I;d expect Windies to make 1,000 runs on here in no time at all. Back over to Richie now in the Central Missionary position.

RB: And the England side for today:

Vaughan
Trescothick
Butcher
Hussain
Thorpe
Flintoff
Foster
Giles
Jones
Harmison
Hoggard

Big things expected of this side especially Freddi Flintoff who we expect to carve a few sixes right out of this ground. Bookies odds are 2/1 on Freddi hitting a six and cracking a coconut on one of the many palm trees surrounding the ground. A flat pitch and it looks full of runs.

 

[tigerdes]

TG: And thats another 4 runs for Lara, he's cracked that one right through the covers and its flown right of the meat of the bat, hard and fast and what's this well the ball has been hit so hard that its gone through the boundary hordings and is still travelling off into the distance. The umpires are asking the third umpire Les Bean to come out into the middle and show us his collection of balls as that ones not coming back. LAra on top form here and showing why he's the world's best batsmen.

BL: Yeah well I disagree Tony: that's terrible bowling from England. He's and average batsmen Brian Lara he's not a hero like Matthew '380 New World Record Holder' Hayden and what England need is a bowler like Big Merv or Shane Warne or Simon O'Donnell, SOme Victorian heroes with a bit of passion, a bit of colour to dazzle this tiny Windian batsman.

TG: Well I have to say you're talking out of your arse Bill. West Indies are 303-3 and Lara is 94* and looking likely to take back his record from Matthew Hayden. As Harmison strides into bowl...

BL: Got him yes!!!! Go on p*ss off you're out!! So much for him being a record breaker Tony, you dickhead. Harmison's finally bowled a good line and length and Lara has dollied a simple catch to Hussain in the covers. West Indies are 303-4.

 

[FishBowlMan]

Originally posted by tigerdes
Vaughany blamed his sides lacklustre performance on the fact that they were short of funds having spent a large portion of the tours budget on hair dye for Anderson and pies for Freddi Flintoff. As a result the team had travelled in the cargo hold, with Caddick and Harmison stored away in golf bag.

LOL That's a lot of money. Also a big golf bag if those two are in it. Not exactly short of grow-bags in their youth.

 

[tigerdes]

RB: And that marked a collapse for the West Indies as they fell to 367/8 before Banks cam eout TO the middle and played a swashbuckling innings really entertaining stuff, smashing the England bowlers all over the park as they desperately tried to get rid of the tail. But Banks ensured that it wagged like a dog on heat and his knock of 88 carried the Windian total onto 451 all out.

England made a very positive start to their innings with Trescothick and Vaughan smashing the pace bowlers to all parts of the ground in an opening stand of 185 before Trescothick (92)mistimed a sweep shot TO a fearsome Taylor delivery that flew under his broom and cleaned out the off stump.

Butcher was next TO go, finding anything but the meat of the bat in his innings of 38 eventually edging one off the blade to second slip. In the same over Taylor dismissed Vaughan for 105 with a peach of a yorker and England were 287/3.

Hussain and Thorpe batted well TOgether before Taylor returned once again to disrupt the party. Thorpe mistiming one TOgully and that served TOspurn the West Indian bowlers on and the England wickets began TOtumble. Flintoff was dismissed tamely trying to heave one over mid wicket, managing only TO spoon it into the hands of Lara and only the top 5 batsmen were able TO score in double figures. The England Scorecard finishing at 418 all out (Vaughan 105, Trescothick 92 - Taylor 5-87)

 

[tigerdes]

RB: It was England's turn TO be inspirational with the ball next and Hoggard claimed all of the first three wickets as the home side were reduced TO 68-3. Things did not get better for the Windies and they struggled to a final score of 179 all out posting England a target of 213. Trescothick and Vaughan started well again - elegantly flicking the West Indies (lack of) pace attack all over the park. However, when Vaughan was out for 52 trying TO cut one over the top of gully it all seemed TO go horribly wrong. Trescothick was trapped LBW, Butcher was carved in TWO by Collymore and Hussain nicked one through to Ridley Jacobs. It can only be hoped that teflon hands Foster was watching and took note having dropped 4 catches in the first innings.

Flintoff again failed to make an impact and it was left TO Foster and Giles TO guide the side to victory with Giles running the ball to third man for the winning runs. England finished 216-8 (Vaughan 52, Trescothick 45) and won the game by 4 wickets.

 

[tigerdes]

RB: Following on from the last match Freddie Flintoff is out with a hamstring strain and England wring the changes to give a chance to some of the other fellas on tour. The team to play the Trinidad XI is as follows:

Vaughan (capt), Butcher, Hussain, Solanki, Clarke, Collingwood, Read, Giles, Caddick, Harmison, Anderson

Now over to Tony Greig for his pitch report

TG: Well thank you Richie and it's another flat wicket here. Plenty of runs in it and no chance of any decapitations in this test match either. In this match we'll be using another new piece of marvellous technology the 'brickinitometer' that measures the fear levels of the batsmen facing. In past tests its been used on the opposition but given the way that the England team are bowling it'll be the Trinidadian players we'll be checking in this match. The levels we'll be looking for are:
level 1 - known as the Mike Atherton thorugh to the higher levels
level 9 - Arrrrgggghhhh
level 10 - Known as the Ramprakash

And we'll keep you posted on how the batsmen fair throughout the series. Now back over to Richie in the Central Commentary Position.

 

[madmattg]

Holy crap all that typing.

 

[squiz]

I know geez, i couldn't be bothered typing that much just for a few matches

 

[tigerdes]

Trinidad vs England

RB: Well Trinidad got off to a pretty slow start thanks to some tight bowling by Caddick and Harmison. Both players seem to have recovered from their 9 hour flight in a golf bag and were in really top form. It was no surprise then with the score on 7 that Trinidad lost their first wicket...

BL: Got him YES!!! Marvellous delivery that from Harmison it's kicked like a bucking mule and taken the batsmen ompletely by surprise and Ashley Giles takes simple catch. Great bowling this by England - probably a hint of Victorian ancestry bubbling ot the surface and Trinidad off to a terrible start it's 7-1.

Jackson c Giles b Harmison 1

 

[tigerdes]

I'm a student. We're on Easter Vacation. I got time to kill.

 

[tigerdes]

TG: And the batsmen are running this is madness surely. And it looks as though he is out - they are calling for the third umpire.

BL: Well that's a ludicrous run there Tony, the batsmen obviously panicked by the snail like pace of their run rate and they ran like a pair of snails there.

TG: And that's the green light he's safe

BL: Well that's lucky for Trinidad they need to be more careful in the future, the score here 28-1.

TG: Well I imagine they'll be a bit cagey now having just survived that run out as Collingwood comes into bowl again

BL: And he has smacked that one miles, that's a huge hit by Jan and he sticks two fingers up at the England team, skips down the wicket and smashes that ball away for four. 32-1.

TG: Well that's disheartening for the ENgland bowlers. Collingwood will have to dig deep and find something to dislodge this trinidadian whose growing in confidence ball by ball.

BL: And here somes Collingwood now he's had a swipe at and it's edged through the slips and races away to the boundary. Well that's demoralising for England, a narrow run out not given , huge four and then an edge through the slips. They'll have to show plenty of guts nad determination to get back into this match.

34-1

 

[tigerdes]

RB: Things din't get TOO much better for COllingwood and he was carved away for 3 4's in his next over and then another TWO fours in the over after that. Vaughan had little choice but TO turn TO Harmison to get England back in control but before the over before his return to the attack he pulled off a rather stunning piece of fielding somehow managing to bend down from 8ft up and pick up, turn and throw to run out Jan who had figured that the gangly giant wouldn;t be much cop in the field and turned blind for a second. Read flicked off the bails and Jan was sent trudging back to the dressing room for 29. 61/2.

Harmo didn't stop there forcing Bravo to soil his pants as he fended one off outside off stop. The catch seemed to be going straight into the hands of Mark Butcher at third slip when Andrew Caddick lurking in the Gully decided to extend those limbs of his and looking distinctly like Graham Thorpe he hurled himself across Butcher to take an unnecessary diving catch. Andersen had a good LBW shout turned down shortly afterwards and Trinidad went into Lunch at 67/3.