I admit, I messed up

Parth D

Time to Wipe the Slate Clean
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Hello, few of you know me. Few of you have interacted with me. And few have known me since 2 years I have been here on the forum.

I am writing this thread to confess. Confess that I messed up. Here is my little 'on the other side' story.

Right from my childhood I was a very mischevious kid and handling me was a task for my parents and my family. I was a problematic child who ran into troubles for myself as well as my near ones. Confidence was never my worry, but I let it get over my head and I became over-confident and tried to act over-smart. I got away with all of that during my childhood in the name of 'mischief'. But the same couldn't save me once I stepped out of the house into the real world.

The first hit of reality came in my under grad when I troubled my way into the maintaining friendships of my own doing. To be honest about it, I am a shitty communicator and that has led to me messing up things all the time. All because of my own doings. During my second year of grad, I went into a dark phase of mental breakdown and entirely cut myself off from the outer world. I would go to places for the sake of it. Pretend to act normal and come back home just to have insomnia and repeat all this. I lost my confidence. I wasn't able to speak up to the world anymore. I became a piece of furniture with no agenda to fulfill. All of this also began to bring a toll to my body physically as well.

I knew this wouldn't help me in the long run so I turned to focus my mind towards work and acads along with gaining productive skills which may real in the real world. And it worked. Soon enough I gained back my confidence. I was able to gather my sh*t and put it into good use. I started pursuing my masters. I found a purpose to lead myself onto. Everything got back to normal.

And then the pandamic hit. But nothing changed. Or I thought so. Everything was going right with me. But I snapped. 2 years before the pandemic I was out there interacting with the other world in person and suddenly I had to again live inside the four walls for months. Unknown to my conscious, I started developing the ugly side of confidence once again. This time, I not only became over-confident but along with it, I developed being annoying. I don't know if I am able to put it out properly or not but I became a bigger mess than what I was during my under grad. As I said, I am a shitty communicator.

Ofcourse, instead of letting all this out, I started keeping everything inside. People started avoiding me. I tried harder to gain their approval. And all of that compounded. I thought if I try to 'show' myself as an extremely jolly and lively person, everything will become better. Instead opposite happened, I repelled people because of my foolishness, my arrogance and my annoying nature. Low key, I became annoyed when people didn't accept me. I began feeling lost. And all of it was all because of my own doings.

A few of you have seen this side of me live during the past 2 years and some may have even have fallen victim to it. Others may get to know all that via this post. I do not know if telling all this will change things or will it even make a difference.

I know what it meant, when you have everything in place and you mess it up. Everything was going right with me, and I blew it with my own actions. And I know that is the worst feeling to see that happen. Well I did all those things and now I am paying the price.

However, I have made my peace with it now. I always learn from things and make sure to rise from the past. But I have always been a slow learner and this time it has costed me more than I can take. Hopefully, it won't hamper the times to come ahead.

I am writing all this down to let you know that if you are in a good place in life, kindly 'value' what you have and don't ever lose it. It is more valuable than you believe it to be.

Well this was my 'on the other side' story in a nut shell. I have only kept a few things within it with myself as those are very private things and disclosing them here won't be wise. Apart from it I have let everything out.

Staff, Kindly delete this if this type of content isn't allowed here. Peace.
 

ahmedleo414

The Butcher
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I think the biggest sign of growth is knowing you made mistakes and growing from them. You're still young, I learned this lesson a little too late in life. Really proud that you were able to figure this out at an early age. So kudos!
 

wasteyouryouth

Staff Member
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@Parth D I can recognise some of what you said in myself. The pandemic has been difficult for a lot of people, so you're not alone in that regard. It's set me back a lot when I was already set back by lots of things.

It's good to recognise if you do things wrong but try not to beat yourself up about it. We all make mistakes, learning from them and changing your behaviour in the future is a lot more difficult than just repeating them, but it will help you feeling better about yourself.

I'm glad you changed your username back btw. :thumbs
 

CerealKiller

Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist
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Brother, you know where to find me if you need to talk about anything.
I know how it feels to crave approval and popularity. I'm glad you learnt that life can be enjoyed in ways are much more fulfilling and long-lasting.
 

Bigby Wolf

ICC Board Member
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Hey Man!

Stay Strong. Been in that zone back in 2017 and thats a terrible place to be in.

Just remember one thing that "All it take is one good work, one good decision that one little ray of light to turn all the darkness around".

Better days and life ahead awaiting.
 
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Parth D

Time to Wipe the Slate Clean
PlanetCricket Award Winner
Champions League Winner
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A small update since I posted this,

The past month has been much much better than before. Have started enjoying my job where I currently work. Have been feeling much more energetic and lively throughout the day. Have been spending more time with family. And have also begun to be more focused and think about long term future deligently. Just trying to do better.
 

Mijurkat

Mystery Monarch
India
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A small update since I posted this,

The past month has been much much better than before. Have started enjoying my job where I currently work. Have been feeling much more energetic and lively throughout the day. Have been spending more time with family. And have also begun to be more focused and think about long term future deligently. Just trying to do better.
Fighting is useless. Don't fight with anything. Outer peace will automatically come, if inner peace is activated. Now you're connected. But it will disconnect again. Stay tuned. :thumbs
 

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