I owe you the truth

CerealKiller

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Hi. My name is Talha, i am 20 years old. I've been active on this site since May 2015. It has been a ray of light in some of the most difficult years of my life, and i have made many friends here.
Thankfully those difficult times have passed, and i feel, at the start of my 20s, that i can have a fresh start in life. To do that, i have to be honest with myself, and with the people dearest to me. Some of the people on this website, and the forum as a collective, are very dear to me, for forming an important part of my teenage years. So, as the title says, I’m writing this because i owe you the truth about something.
On the night of the 2nd of July 2017, i made this post, in which i said that i was gonna leave forever, without publicly saying the reason. (I will try to tag all of the people i tagged in that post too)
I am really sorry to post this message in such a way that will surprise you all, but please trust me, before a few hours, i myself did not know that i was going to do it. I am leaving this site, and i will probably not return. I did not want to make this decision, but it is with a very heavy heart that i do. PM me if you want to know the reason why i'm leaving, unless you're reading this later than 6 am CEST on the 3rd of July. In that case, PM @Fake Passport . I apologise if i ever did something i shouldn't have done.
I would like to thank every one of you for the great time i have had on this website, and i wish you good luck in your lives. My dearest thanks go to @Na Maloom Afraad @AliB @Perfect Square @Jack Ryder @Sami Kumar @PresidentEvil @zwarrior @VC the slogger @Aislabie @kushal17 @Tarzan @Untouchables666 @Fake Passport @Pinch hitter @RUDOLPH @The Deadman @Yash. @Naman Thakur

Also thank you to some other people whom i follow, know or interacted with sometimes.
@ABDULLAH @Aggz @asprin @Danny12 @Bilal48 @CaptainCremer @CricketBuffOne @Epic @Faizk @Greninja @IceAgeComing @Salman. @Sam. @Samuels @SixerBoy11 @swacker @SweetCaroline @UMCricket @SinghB @User2010 @Villain @aditya123 @MattW @Deadpool. @TheJoker @Santander @Andrew17 @thetruespiderman493 @Ahmad94 @send2yaari @Rehan_24 @Baahubali
I left a former member of the forums, Fake Passport, a message to give anyone who wanted to know why i was leaving. The message i gave was that i was suffering from terminal cancer, which would kill me in a few months. I would use the time left to visit relatives, and wouldn’t return to this website.
That was a lie. The real reason for me making that post is that i had planned to take my own life that night. I won't go into the reasons why i wanted to do that, as it is water under the bridge now. I delayed myself until the next day, and used that night and the morning after to answer any private messages. I couldn’t tell all of you that i was going to kill myself, so i made up the story about the cancer, as i didn’t want to leave suddenly without a goodbye.
The next day, in the afternoon of the 3rd of July 2017, i attempted to take my own life, by deliberately drowning in a river (I can’t swim). I failed, thankfully. I jumped in the water, but somehow made it to shore. I am still thankful to God for saving me that day.
I suffered from aftershock, but i recovered quickly, mentally and physically.
I didn’t know how to come back to this website, without revealing the truth. So on the 4th of July, the day after i survived my suicide attempt, i created a second account, @GetToDaChoppa . Obviously it was immediately detected as a double account by the admins. @The Real Modi approached me via PM to clarify, and I repeated my story about the cancer, and told him that I couldn’t force myself to stay away from the forums, but also was too embarrassed to come back on my main account, so i created a second one. He graciously agreed to ban my second account, and leave the main one intact. I cannot thank you enough, Gaurav, and i am truly sorry for lying to you.
For a couple of weeks i logged in on my main account (the one i'm still using), without posting anything. @ABDULLAH (i could be mistaken as to who it was, can’t find the PM) noticed that i had made some substitutions to my team in a Fantasy Cricket game, so he approached me via PM, and i told him that my treatment was looking better, and i could be back in a couple months, but I couldn’t stay away from the site, so i came online each day for Fantasy Cricket, and asked him not to tell anyone. I told the same to some other people. Again, i’m sorry for deceiving you when you were concerned for me.
In the last week of July, i told people that i was informed that my diagnosis was completely wrong, due to a mistake by the doctors, and the cancer wasn’t terminal. After that, i came back to the site on the 25th of July 2017.
There is no amount of words or explanations that can excuse what i did. I can only ask you for forgiveness.
I'm sorry.
I'll accept any penalties the staff might impose.
@Na Maloom Afraad @AliB @Perfect Square @Till Valhalla @PresidentEvil @zwarrior @VC the slogger @Aislabie @LiveLoveABD @Tarzan @Pinch hitter @RUDI @Hamza2000 @Yash. @Naman7 @ABDULLAH @Aggz @asprin @Bilal45 @CremerCurrans @Bigby Wolf @Epic @Greninja @IceAgeComing @Salman. @MishraJee @Samuels @SixerBoy11 @swacker @Velocity @Kaptaan @The Real Modi @Villain @aditya123 @MattW @Alexei. @TheJoker. @Ahmad94 @TSPrathik
 

AliB

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Thanks to the Almighty that you didn't end up killing yourself, everything else is acceptable. :)
 

Yash.

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It's okay man!

Whenever you feel lonely or need someone to talk to, you have the whole family of PlanetCricket supporting you. Just message anyone of us, and we are here to talk to you man! Happy New Year, and have a great life ahead!
 

PresidentEvil

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I owe you the truth Talha: Tbh I did have doubts on you and your story. I discussed with with few people too. And I did hope the story you made up was fake. Because never have I ever came across someone close to me disappeared all of a sudden as you did.

You are one of the nicest guys I've met online and this post of yours proves it again. No penalties, nothing. You did what you thought was right at that point. Drop me a PM if you ever feel like the way you felt back then. [HASHTAG]#Brotherhood[/HASHTAG]

Happy New Year. :)
 

MattW

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I'll accept any penalties the staff might impose.
That thought doesn't cross my mind at all - I'm just glad you're doing okay.

I would however urge that if anyone in the PlanetCricket community, or anyone you know is ever feeling those kind of thoughts regarding your own life discussed in the first post, to please seek support - it's always available and there's always a better way. There is a well maintained list of resources local to most parts of the world available via reddit here. This has been an especially tough year - as no doubt 2021 will likely be for so many around the world - please look after yourself and those you love.
 

Velocity

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I'll be honest as well, I had some doubt about the news at the time even more so after a few months had gone by. I just hope you're feeling a lot better and know that there are people out there that love you, even those on this site that may not know you personally but know what a great guy you are.

Though I haven't been very active on this site over the last few years, you were one of the most active users at the time and one that I considered as a good friend (still do!) on the site, especially when it came to discussing cricket. If you ever feel the same way, know that my PM's are open anytime :).

Happy New Year and stay safe my friend.
 

NILAYSHAH60

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Just a word of advice there Talha, never try to take your life ever for whatever possible reasons. There are situations in life of which we do not have any control about and in such situations we just need to have faith on ourselves and believe that we are strong enough to get through it. You may have tough time in the present but just remember one thing: The best is always yet to come. So just be strong in life.

Happy New Year and have a great year ahead!!! :cheers
 

CerealKiller

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There is no penalty for going through things you couldn't express.

An overdue welcome back, and I wish you the best unconditionally. Happy new year @CerealKiller
Everyone goes through some stuff man. And people do and say things that feel necessary in the moment. The important part is you came through it. Aint nothing to worry about.
Thanks to the Almighty that you didn't end up killing yourself, everything else is acceptable. :)
Water under the bridge. Onwards and forwards. Happy new year Talha :cheers
Bad time comes and goes... People do stupid things in that time... When better time comes, we realize how stupidly we act in those time and laugh on our self... life is like that only...
Listen brother, I hope sincerely hope you are doing better in your life. If you ever need to talk you've got my number or just pm me anytime
It's okay man!

Whenever you feel lonely or need someone to talk to, you have the whole family of PlanetCricket supporting you. Just message anyone of us, and we are here to talk to you man! Happy New Year, and have a great life ahead!
I owe you the truth Talha: Tbh I did have doubts on you and your story. I discussed with with few people too. And I did hope the story you made up was fake. Because never have I ever came across someone close to me disappeared all of a sudden as you did.

You are one of the nicest guys I've met online and this post of yours proves it again. No penalties, nothing. You did what you thought was right at that point. Drop me a PM if you ever feel like the way you felt back then. [HASHTAG]#Brotherhood[/HASHTAG]

Happy New Year. :)
That thought doesn't cross my mind at all - I'm just glad you're doing okay.

I would however urge that if anyone in the PlanetCricket community, or anyone you know is ever feeling those kind of thoughts regarding your own life discussed in the first post, to please seek support - it's always available and there's always a better way. There is a well maintained list of resources local to most parts of the world available via reddit here. This has been an especially tough year - as no doubt 2021 will likely be for so many around the world - please look after yourself and those you love.
I'll be honest as well, I had some doubt about the news at the time even more so after a few months had gone by. I just hope you're feeling a lot better and know that there are people out there that love you, even those on this site that may not know you personally but know what a great guy you are.

Though I haven't been very active on this site over the last few years, you were one of the most active users at the time and one that I considered as a good friend (still do!) on the site, especially when it came to discussing cricket. If you ever feel the same way, know that my PM's are open anytime :).

Happy New Year and stay safe my friend.
Just a word of advice there Talha, never try to take your life ever for whatever possible reasons. There are situations in life of which we do not have any control about and in such situations we just need to have faith on ourselves and believe that we are strong enough to get through it. You may have tough time in the present but just remember one thing: The best is always yet to come. So just be strong in life.

Happy New Year and have a great year ahead!!! :cheers
Thank you all so much for your love and understanding. I'm doing much better than a few years ago, and have sought professional help, which has improved things a lot.
Also, i'd like to say, everything else i said, apart from my reason for disappearing (in 2017) was sincere. I really was going to disappear from the site, and my messages to everyone were genuinely meant.
Happy new year to all of you.
 

LiveLoveABD

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Takes guts to tell the truth. More power to you. I will suggest to you though that you speak with a counsellor. Mental wellness has too much stigma attached in our worlds but awareness is rising and I highly recommend you do regularly take counselling. The good thing is you are willing to talk about this. Take care.
 

Na Maloom Afraad

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Shit man. Whenever you see all these stories about mental health and going through a difficult time, not for a second do you think that somebody you know might be going through that too.

I'm so fukcin' grateful that I get to share a very special bond with you. When I call you Bhai, I genuinely mean it.
 

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