CricketTuesday, 17 February, 2009
by Mike Haysman | 23 February 2009 (06:38)
The following time line is a record of a day I shall never forget . . . one that will have changed me forever.
7.00am Awake to a beautiful day in Miami as my ever-persistent alarm clock screams at me with piercing volume.
7.10am Collect the always fascinating and must-read Miami Herald from my driveway whilst stretching and admiring the bright sun and blue sky.
7.11am Put the kettle on, wake the perfumed steamroller and let the cats out.
7.15am Start reading the enthralling Miami Herald.
7.17am Finish reading the Miami Herald …. could have done so quicker but an article on Miami-resident Mickey Rourke caught my eye. Wonder why it took me so long?
8.30am Now showered and ready to face the day and immediately begin working on the latest press release to be issued in the next day or two regarding a three-year deal with the ECB. Had spent the previous week at the 20/20 office in downtown Miami finalising details and met my boss twice.
10.00am Email the latest version to the attorneys in London for their comments.
10.30am Embark on what is to be my most challenging task of the day. Have to take three Persian cats to the groomer for their annual bath and fur cut in preparation for the impending brutal Florida summer heat.
12 noon With the help of Nadia the Russian groomer, dry the now unrecognisable and extremely miffed cats and wash my flesh wounds that are bleeding at an alarming rate.
1.00pm Stop the hemorrhaging, patch the wounds and drive to the Home Depot shop to purchase a new barbeque. Cats pulling faces at me. Cats fighting because they now don’t recognise one another post shave.
1.30pm Whilst deep in conversation with the barbeque expert discussing the brand new infra-red technology, my phone starts going berserk.
1.31pm A good friend from South Africa asks if I am watching CNN and have I seen the news about my boss. Answer no. He immediately encourages me to speed home and brace myself for a big shock.
1.32pm Arrive home suffering from G-Force effects and dive for the remote. Scream for the perfumed steamroller to join me. I am immediately confronted by the full-screen face of my boss and the shocking news of the alleged fraud of $8 billion. Wonder how many noughts in that.
1.40pm Whilst continuing to watch the breaking news unfold by the minute I now realise they are talking about my now ex-boss. I am dumbfounded, stunned, angry, livid, astonished, bewildered, incredulous, shocked, enraged, staggered …. all at the same time. Can’t believe this is the guy who I have dealt directly with over the last two and a half years. He’s apparently Madoff with all the money.
2.00pm Have not moved from the couch. Cats still sulking.
2.30pm Start flicking channels and soon notice that all news stations are transfixed on all the unfolding details. I am hit by how surreal this all is. I feel like I am watching a Hollywood movie.
3.00pm My phone starts leaping into uncontrollable action and concerned friends and colleagues call from around the globe. Steamroller and cats now all very silent and all pulling faces.
3.30pm Risking radiation exposure to my family such is the level of anger I am feeling. Call my accountant. Call my attorney. Both are watching the news alerts. With a start I remember that it was only three days ago, following orders from the top, that I offered our ground in Antigua to the ICC following the debacle at the start of the second Test.
4.00pm Still glued to the giggle box as everyone who has a producer and opinion fills my TV screen with vitriol about my now extremely ex-boss. One cat now hissing at the mirror as he thinks his reflection is an intruder because he has changed dramatically in appearance.
5.00pm Make some calls to equally astounded and bewildered colleagues. Suddenly realize the magnitude of all this and quickly realize that the entire company will shut down with immediate effect, ensnaring 8 000 staff members and some 30 000 investors. US Marshalls are already moving into offices in Houston and Memphis to immobilise.
6.00pm Open a bottle of red wine. Cats flirt as it is food time.
7.00pm Go to the movies to see SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE!!
