I work the streets of Manchester of an evening. ---- got crazy in my life a few years back when I was fired from the dental clinic I worked at as a receptionist for attacking a patient with a stapler after a particularly bad day. I had so much paper work and he just kept jabbering on about how he wasn't fully satisfied with his recent crown work. I told him all the procedures for going through with a complaint but he was having none of it. He started raising his voice at me and those of you who know me "professionally" know that I'm spooked quite easily and you need to "ease yourself in" instead of coming at me bluntly.
On reflection stapling his lips to my ring binder wasn't the most professional of retorts but at the time it felt right. I've lived in deep reflection ever since that moment, never more so than when a Ryman branded paper organising folder is thrusted in my face during office themed sessions. From there on things took the downwards spiral that leads me to my current job as it was at this point my addiction to Planetcricket started to really come to the fore. The Golden Age of Planetcricket was in full swing but as enamouring as it was I took a back seat as I knew I couldn't compete to such contemporaries of the time as Andrew Nixon. How I strove to try to model myself on the great man and how I failed, such likes we may never see again.
With no job I was left with the startling decision to join the pride denting dole queue. I met a few decent men in my time on the dole so I can't really look back at this time with deep sorrow, I remember a plucky Scotsman with a deep desire to become a teacher there who just didn't have the qualifications to make it nor intelligence. Many an evening we'd laugh and joke over a wee dram of whiskey of how if we were to ever to become the men at the helm of a cricketing forum we'd run it with such complete and utter vcash seeking corruption our names would rival that of Cronje. I lost contact with him after a while but have heard stories of how he'd become barmy about the army so I presume he went on to enlist.
With my increasingly fragile state of my mind I slowly began to loose all self respect, at one point I even resembled Dutchad after he'd bathed (I was bad but not pre-washed Dutchad bad). On good days my neighbours could smell my odour, bad the town could and sometimes even the mafia. As I sat in my Planetcricket stupor I slowly began to take proactive steps to integrate myself as a "normal", the sheer thrill of it was unbelievably sexually liberating. After every post I "pleased" myself as is clearly recognisable as the last few words of each post of that time would often inexplicitly have various accidentally typed letters or they've be completely missing. Such well known posts like "View Post
ive saw England vs Aussies at old trafford 5th day wen it went rite to the ed got my tickets for eng vs sri lanka 3rd day trent bridge" are testament to those days. All I'm saying is its hard to type without mistakes one handed with a canoe in your other hand.
As I built my growing PC reputation I found myself the niche of copypastaing every slightly humours Sickipedia post possible to further enhance the sheer thrill. As the thanks came in the banks (or word which rhymes with banks) came too. On realising how adept I had become at pleasing myself due to years of snowballing addiction to this site that I personally blame on people like Nabeel, (Funny story he's actually a 40 year old agnostic banker living in California no one else has cottoned onto the fact its a parody account.), I came to the startling conclusion that this could make me money. Every weekday I make the journey up to Manchester to be buggered by Masterblaster thinking of the day I grabbed that Rapesco stapler with utter sadness. Then I remind myself it could be worst, I could be American and have a post per day count larger than my own age.
Thats a little bit of my work, I charge ?25 by the hour if anyones interested with a ?5 knocked of those in the Manchester and Liverpool areas as I already make trips to see the aforementioned Masterblaster and Ste. Thanks for reminding me what a great life I have icyman.