The Daily Mash's ashes verdict

Krypta

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ENGLAND SLIGHTLY LESS APPALLING THAN AUSTRALIA - The Daily Mash

Delighted England captain, Andrew Strauss, said: "I always knew we would win the series as long as we matched Australia on a collapse-for-collapse basis.

And man of the match, Stuart Broad, added: "I'm really looking forward to coping with the comprehensively insane level of expectation you all now have. Nevertheless, I hope to continue my form as long as no-one sees me sneaking onto the pitch in the middle of the night with a garden fork and a bag of gravel."
 

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