Creative writing task

[Spinksy]

April 7th 1594,

Dear Diary,

On a clear day, my routine duty would be to feed the cattle, go to the markets and get the required supplies, clean the shack, harvest the wheat fields and cook. But not today -

- A rather vicious storm is currently washing over the humble area of Warwickshire England, the area in which I reside. Although the storm is destroying the wheat fields my father and I have nourished these many years, although this is overshadowed. I cannot await the arrival of the up and coming acts this evening, even as I write, the strokes become sketchy due to overwhelming excitement.

Many people from afar of noble lineage have rolled in to see this years highlighting act, the taming of the shrew at the ever so famous Globe Theatre. My father and I are immensely worried about tonight as my Father is known to many as Warwickshire’s Local Drunk or The Drunken Sailor. So depending on my fathers actions, I may arrive home disappointed, bruised and out of pocket –

- The theatre was as expected, it was entertaining. The now clear and star-ridden sky above added the dream effect to it making it all the more popular. The pit in which I viewed the show however was horrendous, the smells were intoxicating and fellow peasant’s smelt as though they didn’t know quite what a bath was. On a lighter note the acts were awe-inspiring; the actor’s mirrored Shakespeare’s play writing skills, pure and flawless.

The theatre made me forget the downside of being a humble peasant, and enjoy life pleasures. Tomorrow will be different though, as the rain has stopped. It will slowly clear and eventually, the storm will subside.

 

[barmyarmy]

It reads ok but a couple of pointers.
- if you lived in Warwickshire (Birmingham area) you wouldn't be going to the Globe (London).
- "fellow peasant’s smelt as though they didn’t know quite what a bath was" and "The theatre made me forget the downside of being a humble peasant". Both are written from a modern perspective and would certainly not have been expressed in that way at the time.

Just another note about Warwickshire as well. It's a county like NSW or Victoria not a town.

Like I said reads ok at the moment but there are a few parts needing revising.

 

[Cricketdude]

Here is my Essay I did a couple of months ago. My English teacher said it was very good but it had no intro so she couldn't rate it higher.

It looks better in word but if your lazy then this is fine too.

Who was to blame for the deaths of Romeo and Juliet?

Lord Capulet was certainly to blame for the deaths of Romeo and Juliet. Lord Capulet terrified Juliet, shouting at her, as the nurse protected Juliet from him inflicting any harm (which may have happened). Juliet was forced to have a sleeping potion because of her Father. He told her if she did not marry Paris he would disown her.

Lord Capulet had a bad temper and did not accept any opinion other than his own. This made it impossible for Juliet to negotiate with her Father. In this patriarchal society, Lord Capulet was the head of the family and whatever he said goes. That made it difficult for Juliet, as all this business about love was nonsense for him. In his time, you married mainly because of wealth and for the happiness of the family. In this society, they raised children, obtained a husband or wife and stayed married forever - even if the spouses could not stand the sight of each other. Love was not a factor.

Friar Lawrence was easy going and had good intentions. However his plans were rash, ill-conceived and poorly thought out, which led to the tragic deaths of Romeo and Juliet. Friar Lawrence was to blame for giving Juliet the sleeping potion which tricked Romeo into thinking she was dead so he took his own life. Then Juliet woke and found her Romeo dead so she killed herself.
Nevertheless, Friar Lawrence tried his best to bring the two feuding families together (Montagues and the Capulets) which was an unrealistic idea. The two families had been fighting for hundreds of years and he thought one marriage was going to reunite the families, which was a foolish mistake. If Romeo and Juliet asked Lord Capulet if they could get married because they ?loved? each other, he would have scoffed at the opportunity.


The nurse also may have contributed to the deaths of Romeo and Juliet. She was a bit sudden and made her mind up very quickly. All she wanted was Juliet to be happy but, she did not have too much empathy for Juliet when she could not see her beloved Romeo again. A real friend would have helped her find a solution. However, the nurse was not a friend, she was a servant. Romeo and Juliet had just got married and when they could not see each other again, the nurse did not care about the whole situation.
The nurse protected Juliet all the way with Romeo, but when Lord Capulet tried to force Juliet to marry Paris, she wanted Juliet to get married again to Paris and claimed he was an even better match. It made it much worse when the nurse betrayed her. Juliet may not have committed suicide if she knew she had friends, or someone to turn to. If you go through a death or a tragic break up, you expect some support, so Juliet expected comfort from the nurse but the nurse could not have acted in a worse way in this situation. For these reasons I think the nurse was to blame for the deaths of Romeo and Juliet, by not protecting her and turning her back when she needed it most.

Tybalt was certainly to blame for the deaths of Romeo and Juliet. Tybalt was a trouble maker who started all the arguments He killed Mercutio and had his heart too fully into this ?family status?. Tybalt sees Romeo at the Capulets party and protests angrily to Lord Capulet. He was deeply offended by Romeo being at the party. When Lord Capulet told him not to disrupt the peace he put it into his own hands.
The very next day he challenged Romeo to a duel, which he declined with a handshake. Tybalt flicked water in Mercutio?s face showing him no respect. Mercutio got angry at Tybalt as the two of them drew their swords. Tybalt stabbed Mercutio accidentally. Tybalt soon died from Romeo who was upset and in a fit of anger killed Tybalt. If it was not for this, Romeo would not have been banished so Juliet would not have used drastic and dangerous methods to be together.



In the Shakespearean play, Romeo and Juliet there are many people at fault who suffer guilt at the tragic deaths of Romeo and Juliet. Lord Capulet with his bad temper was to blame for forcing Juliet to marry Paris. Friar Lawrence was to blame for supplying Juliet with the sleeping potion which deceived Romeo into thinking his lover was dead. His rash thinking was one of the faults of Friar Lawrence, nearly every decision he made was unrealistic and almost improbable. The nurse was to blame for being a bad morale support which meant betraying Juliet. Something had to happen to Tybalt, they way he acted and conducted himself were a disgrace. He was purposely looking for a fight with Romeo, which lead Romeo banished for killing him. The guilt, pain and shame experienced by everyone involved reunited the two families.

 

[Spinksy]

It reads ok but a couple of pointers.
- if you lived in Warwickshire (Birmingham area) you wouldn't be going to the Globe (London).
- "fellow peasant?s smelt as though they didn?t know quite what a bath was" and "The theatre made me forget the downside of being a humble peasant". Both are written from a modern perspective and would certainly not have been expressed in that way at the time.

Just another note about Warwickshire as well. It's a county like NSW or Victoria not a town.

Like I said reads ok at the moment but there are a few parts needing revising.

Ta, was thinking that.

Although the storm is destroying the wheat fields my father and I have nourished these many years, although this is overshadowed.

Surprised you didn't pick that up. I'll fix it in the morning.

 

[drainpipe32]

I did an essay on 'who was to blame' on Romeo and Juliet. I'll post it if anyone would like to see it. I spent hours on it.

Fair nuff. Hows it going Spinks?

 

[Biggy]

Wagging is for the win.

 

[barmyarmy]

Ta, was thinking that.



Surprised you didn't pick that up. I'll fix it in the morning.

I was looking at content not SPAG.

 

[Spinksy]

Fair nuff. Hows it going Spinks?

Done. I may as well make a 'Spinksy Homework thread' at this rate.

 

[Cricketdude]

Could I have feedback?

 

[barmyarmy]

Ok. Do you understand why the lack of an introduction lets the piece down?
Good essay writing is about sign posting your intentions whilst introducing the question preferably with a first sentence that "catches" the reader's interest.
So for example an introduction to your piece could have been:

Whilst there are many obvious villains and victims in Shakespeare's play, pointing fingers is still not easy. Lord Capulet's temper was certainly contributory but was it decisive? Perhaps we can blame Friar Lawrence's for his good intentions that ultimately placed what Romeo believed to be the the means of death in Juliet's hands? Maybe the nurse's failure to do her duty and protect her charge? Or Tybalt's rash temper and irresponsible actions or Mercutio for allowing himself to be baited? Finally Romeo and Juliet themselves; caught up in a youthful love regardless of consequence? This essay will examine these competing intepretations and seek to judge who must bear most responsibility for the tragedy.

I've just written that in 3 minutes (and some of it is very clunky and needs redrafting) and not read/seen R&J for a long time but it gives you an idea of what an introduction in this kind of piece should do.

 

[Cricketdude]

Yes it is a bit clunky and a tiny bit off with the tybalt bit especially(since you haven't read it in ages). But I see where you are coming from. I really forgot about putting an intro.

 

[barmyarmy]

This is why I don't teach English

 

[Highlander999]

That's why you don't teach

(Very low blow )

 

[barmyarmy]

Ok, smarty. Why don't you post your intro then?

 

[Highlander999]

I don't claim to be smart Mediocrity all the way