Your Cricket Dumb Discourse (in thread form)

[barmyarmy]

Some of the older members may remember my dumb discourse, recounting the tale of the 2006 season up here in Scotland. Sadly last season, due to inclement weather and extreme laziness, I was unable to provide a 2007 version but now, at the start of the 2008 season, I feel refreshed, reinvigorated, and, most importantly, able to provide a blow-by-blow account of my season.
I thought I would start out by explaining the direct relationship between our fixture list and the weather. It is actually possible to predict the weather in Edinburgh, to a remarkable degree of accuracy, using our fixture list as a guide. For every potential match assume heavy rain all day and for every night off assume clear blue skies and bright sunshine. I'd like to start by saying that it takes a lot to actually cancel a fixture in Scotland - we're not just talking overcast; we're talking pitch underwater and torrential rain. When then I say that two thirds of our fixtures (including rearranged ones) were cancelled last season due to the weather I'm not talking about the odd light shower. It was therefore with some trepidation that I began to assemble my kit on Thursday night for an intra-mural pre-season game I had been invited to play in before nets and the season proper begin in May. Having been totally unable to locate my gloves and having only just sent my bat off for a few pre-season repairs I felt somewhat under-kitted but ready nonetheless to face the action. Additionally this has been a very cold week but also dry and bright. The ground was hard and the chances of a game were excellent.
Sadly the fates have been checking my diary and Friday morning saw a veritable deluge of rain that saw the pitch waterlogged by midday and the game called off by 3pm. Next week sees the start of pre-season nets although thankfully they are indoor!

 

[Highlander999]

Nice introduction mate :laugh

I'll be watching you guys from the neighbouring pitch

 

[barmyarmy]

Right, first game of the season. Not for my regular club but for a mate's club who were short of players...
Managed to get there early enough to practice in the nets, strong crosswind wasn't helping but I was able to turn the arm over for the first time this season and cause a few problems.
Game started with us bowling and they lost steady wickets. I had to dive in the field early on and ended up watching the ball go under me to the boundary but nothing else exciting happened until I came on to bowl first change (over 10) with the score 30/5.
First over was actually pretty decent. One run scored off it and a runout at the bowler's end of their best batsman. They tried to take a quick single to midwicket but the throw was perfect for me to take it and break the wicket.
Second over was pretty horrible. I totally lost my length for the first 5 balls and was dropping it in way too short. Got hit for a couple of boundaries on the pull. 5th ball though was even worse than the previous 4, batsman inside edged it onto his stumps! Somewhat muted celebrations ensued... (6th ball was nice and bet the bat).
Third over I was determined to get the length right. First ball was the right length but too wide outside off and was spanked over cover (almost caught!). Second ball was a good length again and hit off stump A wicket to celebrate that was actually from a good ball. Last 4 were a mixed bag and included a beamer (really struggling a bit with the length).
Anyhow with the 3 wickets off my 3 overs and the other bowler taking 2 we bowled them out within 15 overs for 74.
Figures for me were 3-0-22-2. Not bad for first game of the season although lots of room for improvement. Also twice as many wickets in my first match as I took in the whole of last season!!!

Onto the batting. I was umpiring for the first 6/7 overs so was able to see how our batsmen got on. The opposition had two opening bowlers with big runups who were both bowling at decent pace. Our keeper missed a straight one that clipped the top of middle, I had to give our other opener out to a lbw shout that was taking middle and leg, and we had our number 3 runout and 4 bowled. Score after 3 overs 2/4.
Fortunately we had a rookie at number 5 who had never played cricket before. He took his stance way inside the crease and held the bat in a very strange way. You could see the bowler's eyes lighting up which made what followed all the more entertaining.
Our batsmen hit their premier bowler back over his head for 6 and followed up with 3 4's before treading on his own stumps!
Still it had helped the runrate!!!
The pitch was really tricky to bat on and boundaries were few and far between. After 13 overs we had 4 wickets left but had only scored 40 runs. I sidled up the captain on the boundary and promised to get runs or get out in mega-quick time in a pinch-hitting role just to keep us on the rate when the next wicket went down. He agreed and I strolled to the middle a little over-confident in my abilities considering this was the first match of the season and the pitch was horrendous to bat on. Only one person had managed to get after the bowling all evening and he had never played cricket before. I missed the first three deliveries which were all quite wide of off and barely bounced and so decided to come down the track to the 4th. Got a good contact and drove it through mid on for 4. Second over was just as hard with a different bowler, there was very little pace on the ball and the wicket was very slow. Having narrowly failed to connect with an attempted hook shot I got another 4 through midwicket. Back to the first bowler and I got castled going for another slog over square leg. It wasn't a classical innings and probably didn't look great with all the heaves to leg and misses but I had scored 10 off 8 and done what I promised.
This sent the captain in with us needing 12 off 12. He too was unable to connect with most his shots and got bowled last man with us still needing 8 runs.
It was a fun game and although we batted poorly they were an extremely good bowling side and the wicket was horrible. Satisfied with my performance for first game of the season considering I've not even had a net yet.

Overall season stats

Mat 1
O 3
M 0
R 22
W 2
Av 11
S/R 9
Econ 7.33

R 10
B 9
NO 0
S/R 111
Av 10

 

[barmyarmy]

Geez, that was one painful net!
I feel totally shattered right now. Also when batting first ball I took one on the inside of the back thigh from our quickest bowler. It got me going though - I reckon I took the next few bowlers to the cleaners charging!
Bowling was ok, got better towards the end where I started to flight it more and beat the bat.
Overall I really don't want to think about how much pain I'm going to be in tomorrow morning...

 

[voldemort]

makes me think how bad i am... And I have a match with Zorax on 24th... wonder how humiliated I am going to be...

 

[freddiw]

hahaha well bowled 2-22 looks good

awesome work barmy and may I ask you what you teach ???

 

[Skater]

hahaha well bowled 2-22 looks good

awesome work barmy and may I ask you what you teach ???

He is a primary school teacher, so I imagine he teaches everything at a low level.

I was laughing when you said you were feeling dead after a nets session, but I had one yesterday and I now feel exactly the same.

 

[barmyarmy]

Ok, another season over and I've not done a particularly good job of keeping this thread up-to-date...
This is something I'd like to get off my chest which is frustrating me though. I'd like to preface this by saying that I've played a lot of cricket and I dearly love the sport.

I am impossibly bad at cricket. This hit home rather hard 10 days ago when we were playing against a local team (2 x 40 over games) and whilst I was playing at a level that a total novice would be ashamed of, they had some local kids in their team who were playing their first season and were comfortably better than me in all three disciplines.
It occurs to me that for a bowler, one wicket in two seasons isn't really good enough. Furthermore getting bowled when I try to play a defensive shot probably points to serious technical flaws. Here is a summary of my game this season: (bearing in mind that I am playing social cricket in Scotland)

Batting - if the bowler is under 10 or over 70 and bowling slow and wide I can sometimes hit some runs (normally using cross-bat across-the-line hoiks). Anyone aiming the ball at the stumps will be sure to get me out pretty quickly. Frankly I've been lucky to score any runs this season and as soon as a real bowler was on, I soon got out.

Bowling - I have consistently bowled too short, too full or too wide. On the 1 or 2 balls an over I've got it on the stumps it's gone straight on (hey, I'm sure I used to be able to spin the ball) and been slow enough that any good batsman could hit it for 6 just about anywhere he pleased. Inconsistant line and length and totally toothless.

Fielding - Dropped three catches at the weekend, caught 0. Fell over while trying to throw the ball in . Can't seem to reach the keeper/bowler from anywhere outside the infield.


Cricket is the thing in the world (maybe apart from teaching) that if I could choose to be really good at something I would choose. I love the game, I love playing the game, I hate letting down my team by being so useless to the point where I'm being out-performed by the jogger we roped in cos we were one short. I've tried to find courses to go on but there really isn't much happening in Scotland. This winter I'm going to try and find an indoor team so at least I'm playing every week.
The worst part about this is that I played 1st XV rugby for my school, I played for the football team til U15 where I focused on rugby. I've run for my county, my tennis is pretty good, my golf is respectable. Why do I suck so much at the one sport I really want to be good at?
Just letting you all in on why the match reports have been quite to sparse this season (that and the fact the weather in Scotland has been even worse than usual.
Cheers.

 

[Highlander999]

Speak to Mike Allingham. You teachers should all know each other Seriously though he has played international cricket and is a superb coach.

Of course that would cost money.

On the other hand I could always give you a few nets sessions

 

[barmyarmy]

I'm willing to pay money (not to you though! )

 

[Simbazz]

In all honestly Colin, I'm feeling like that, slightly better because I know i've not given my usual 110% this season.

Cricket has a funny way of doing this some seasons. Just persist, keep looking for those indoor teams and next season you'll be Shane Warne on drugs...erm...you'll be good!

 

[Kev]

Could be worse Colin

 

[barmyarmy]

2009 season bump.
Only in Scotland could the first match of the season be started in heavy rain and freezing winds, get to the point where you can't feel any part of your body, it's now 4oC and there's standing water on the outfield and only at this point (17 overs in) for the umpires to decide that the conditions are unsuitable for cricket.
At one point I just burst out laughing at the incongruity of it. Why on earth do we try and play cricket in Scotland?

 

[Highlander999]

Yep my match today and tomorrow have been cancelled. At least we are sensible and look at the pitch before-hand

 

[barmyarmy]

It was the artificial (Roseburn). The match on the other pitch was cancelled.