Looks pretty good to me.. Although if you had footage of yourself actually playing some deliveries (From a bowling machine, or a friend) then we could give a bit more feedback. The only thing I really noticed was a lack of foot movement. You have no trigger movement, which doesn't necessarily mean anything, but the second block you played had no foot movement whatsoever.. So really that's all I can say.. Get someone to bowl outside off-stump, over and over and over, and just practice getting that front foot towards the ball, toes pointed where you want to play it, and practice driving/defending over and over until the foot starts moving before your hands do.
In saying that though, it IS really hard to judge from this short clip.. (And in re-watching, I noticed that the first shot you play is near perfect.. Which kind of negates everything I've just typed.. But since I'm too lazy to delete it all, it can stay.) If possible, try to get some footage of you actually batting and try again.. I don't think we can help much at this stage mate.