Story The career of David Hangarak

[Samuels]

Thanks. No just a story, is this the wrong place? Yeah I will in the future.

It is the most perfect place there is in the forum. Keep it coming.

 

[Dipak]

Thanks. No just a story, is this the wrong place? Yeah I will in the future.

No was just wondering whether you were playing it and writing your results and writing it off your mind. No issues at all. This is the right forum.

As far as the presentation is concerned, that was just a suggestion. By no means I meant that stories without graphics can't be successful. Qpeedore's story on B'desh was one of the best stories in the forum, but had little graphics.

One more suggestion is to make scorecards after every innings on Excel. Doesn't require much effort, but it make the story a lot better.

You're going really well till now, hope you can spark some activity in this forum. Good luck.

 

[Aggz]

Brilliantly going thus far!

 

[Parmesh killer]

You are getting so many positive feedbacks. Congratulations. You've a good imagination. Don't stop here. A long way to go.

 

[joejoe018]

Chapter 6​

17/06/14

Day 4

I wake up remembering Canberra are chasing 487 for victory which is a big target for them. We get to the ground at 9:45 for a 10:15 start, we go out on to the field and surprisingly Canberra are playing aggressively! 0/36 off 5 overs! There going for the win! We get our first wicket so Canberra are now 1/43. I am asked to bowl about 50 overs in to the game and get a maiden for my first over then a over for one run. Canberra are 5/322 and looking good Heddencossel got two wickets in a row which took them to 7/328. We are now looking pretty good! 105 overs in, the game has nearly ended and Canberra are 9/484 and they only need three runs. Ferris bowls and over and they get two runs off it Heddencossel bowls and his last ball of the over is hit for one, we all cried "Nooooo!" We were gracious in defeat and shook their hands and went back to the dressing room. The coach said we played very well! We headed back to the hotel, collected our stuff and headed to the airport. We got to the airport at 6:00 and our plane left at 6:30 we got back at 8:30 and I was welcomed back by my parents. We headed home and we got back at 9:10 and I just went to my bed and slept I was so tired.

 

[Parmesh killer]

I was hoping for your team's triumph.

----------

I was hoping for your team's triumph .

 

[joejoe018]

Thank you everyone for the great feedback I might do another chapter in half an hour or an hour we'll see.

 

[Dipak]

Chapter 6​

17/06/14

Day 4

I wake up remembering Canberra are chasing 487 for victory which is a big target for them. We get to the ground at 9:45 for a 10:15 start, we go out on to the field and surprisingly Canberra are playing aggressively! 0/36 off 5 overs! There going for the win! We get our first wicket so Canberra are now 1/43. I am asked to bowl about 50 overs in to the game and get a maiden for my first over then a over for one run. Canberra are 5/322 and looking good Heddencossel got two wickets in a row which took them to 7/328. We are now looking pretty good! 105 overs in, the game has nearly ended and Canberra are 9/484 and they only need three runs. Ferris bowls and over and they get two runs off it Heddencossel bowls and his last ball of the over is hit for one, we all cried "Nooooo!" We were gracious in defeat and shook their hands and went back to the dressing room. The coach said we played very well! We headed back to the hotel, collected our stuff and headed to the airport. We got to the airport at 6:00 and our plane left at 6:30 we got back at 8:30 and I was welcomed back by my parents. We headed home and we got back at 9:10 and I just went to my bed and slept I was so tired.

*Screenshot from the excel scorecard comes here*
Caption in italics

It was grueling two hour flight after a gut-wrenching loss.​

First off all I'd suggest the above presentation to you. A picture-caption takes less effort, but elevates the presentation.

Also I'd rather take a screenshot of the scorecard from Excel and post it here. Another small work which improves the story.

Coming back to the story I'd say that they played really well, and counted attacked. Their tail frustrated and took them home. The match was in your hands but it wasn't to be

 

[Prithvi]

Promising start. However as Dipak said, it would be awesome if you describe a bit more. However the latest update got better than how it actually started, but I would definitely love to see more details.

Good luck

 

[joejoe018]

18/06/14

*Sorry for not writing for a week or so

I wake up being so carried away by cricket I have a university test! I studied the whole day, geez engineering

19/06/14

Its my test day and I am hoping to do well my mum drives me down at 10:30. I say goodbye to my mum and go inside for the test. It finished at 12:30! My mum is waiting outside after the test and drops me off at cricket training at 1:00. I get padded up while some other batsman do and Heddencossel walks over to my net He is our No1 bowler in the team! He bowls at 135 k/ph! I get to worried and get a massive inside edge and it just misses off stump! Phew! He bowls another ball, a slow yorker which I just defend. Traning goes well and I do bowl I head home and have three bananas ( Like Peter Siddle ) I check my emails and it is from Easts Cricket Club and it says Heddencossel has been picked for the u19 Queensland team! It says we are getting a new fast bowler whose name is Derek Hadeg. I am excited to meet him tomorrow!

 

[Parmesh killer]

Everything is perfect except pictures. Please add a photo everytime you post a part of story.

 

[Aditya]

It's good to see you trying something innovative here, I understand that starting a story can be confusing and till a few posts you don't have a great deal of idea about how to present it or how it can be bettered but we've all gone through this. The important part is, you have a story line building and I'd advice you to focus solely on it - presentation can be improved upon later. As others have said, a little more detail would indeed benefit the story but I'd advice you to not try anything "too fancy", simplicity does work.

 

[Dipak]

Looks good till now.

Another suggestion would be to refrain from using smileys in the story.