Draft: The Worst of Test Cricket / Poll Up / Tournament Done

Willoughby63 · Aug 31, 2019

Bevab said:
Intriguing draft, willing to join if it isn’t necessary to post an elaborate writeup like I did with the previous draft!

I’m personally just planning to write a brief overview of my players

Aislabie · Aug 31, 2019

Bevab said:
Intriguing draft, willing to join if it isn’t necessary to post an elaborate writeup like I did with the previous draft!

Okay then; we'll cap it at eight participants and then we can have an eight team Swiss bracket at the end

Bevab · Sep 9, 2019

Given that the other draft is nearly over, can we start this one?

Aislabie · Sep 10, 2019

Bevab said:
Given that the other draft is nearly over, can we start this one?

Yep, that's my today job!

Aislabie · Sep 10, 2019

The Worst of Test Cricket Draft Order
Courtesy of Random.org

Usual rules apply; if 24 hours pass without someone making their pick then you can skip past them. And the kind 1s and 0s at Random.org have given me first pick, which I will get back with in a moment.

Aislabie · Sep 10, 2019

Overall Pick #1: Matt Poore

Profile
Despite the main goal of this draft, I've not picked Matt Poore because he was the worst player I could think of. I've picked him because everything he touched in Test cricket went wrong. He was first picked for the Test side largely on promise, eighteen months before he would score his first first-class hundred. Despite his lack of runs, he was reputed to be a very pretty batsman, described by leading Kiwi cricket writer Dick Brettenden as having "graceful driving and easy footwork [that] marked him out as a future New Zealand batsman" and as the best-looking batsman in the country.

However, Brettenden also pointed out that Poore would "disappoint his admirers regularly, getting out for small scores inexplicably and far too regularly." He would never again scale the heights of the 45 he made in his first-ever Test innings; though he would pass 40 thrice more, his fourteen-Test career without a half-century is the worst any specialist batsman has managed (depending upon how you define a specialist batsman). However, his abject failure was sometimes thanks to circumstances beyond his control. During a tour of Pakistan, the overwhelming majority of the New Zealand team was afflicted by a gastric illness. With so many people unfit to play, Poore was wheeled out regardless that he was just as sick of the rest of them and was found at the end of an over to be fast asleep despite being stood at square leg at the time.

The tour then carried on to India, where in a tour match in Bangalore Poore was bitten by a dog whilst trying to remove it from the field of play. The bite became infected and, due to the lack of available doctors in '50s India, his teammates did the best they could to look after him by administering antibiotic injections themselves. Finally, he did make it back into the Test team and was greeted in Delhi by the flattest pitch ever to be. As New Zealand's regular number three, Poore might finally get the chance to shed his unwanted fifty-free record... except that his place in the batting order was taken by New Zealand cricket's ultimate journeyman John Guy, and Poore was shuffled down to the middle order. The Kiwis then lost only three wickets all game, and Poore didn't get to bat.

Statistics
TESTS -

355 runs @ 15.43 (best 45) and

9 wickets @ 40.77 (best 2/28) in 14 matches
FIRST CLASS -

2,336 runs @ 23.12 (2 centuries, best 142) and

68 wickets @ 26.66 (1 5WI, best 5/27) in 61 matches

Role in the Team
Although his first-class best came as an opening batsman, Poore's regular role in the team was at number three. He also bowls some part-time off-spin, so I'll mark him down as an all-rounder.

Aislabie's Southpaws so far:
1.
2.
3.

Matt Poore (Pick #1, 14 caps)
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.

(14/100 caps so far)

Next pick:
@blockerdave

blockerdave · Sep 10, 2019

He gets plenty of turn, but his line of attack - just outside off stump - is unthreatening, and his only variation, the googly, is telegraphed by a higher arm action.

This is the damning verdict of Lawrence Booth on the espncricinfo profile of IAN SALISBURY. An English Leg-spinner in the 1990s, he was inevitably going to suffer in comparison with the great Shane Warne, but truth be told he suffered in comparison with Shane Ramsay, the be-mulleted one time romancer of Daphne in neighbours. Shane Ramsey would ultimately lose Daphne's heart to Des Clarke, who's ruddy face and jug ears made him look a bit like an earthenware pot: and that tortured, meandering metaphor was about as close as Salisbury would ever get to the Ashes urn.

Due to England being a)shite, b)obsessed with the idea everyone else would be as bad at playing legspin as they were and c) not trusting Phil Tufnell and otherwise having no competent spinners, Salisbury managed to obtain 15 test caps (earn would be putting it too strongly). Salisbury reached his nadir, and the end of the international road, on the tour of Pakistan in 2000/2001. This is chiefly remembered for the "win in the dark", where after 2 dull draws Thorpe and Hussain would overcome the Pakistan bowling and timewasting to win the match in near darkness. This dramatic finish helps obscure the fact that Salisbury took 1/193 across 3 tests.

Overall, Salisbury took just 20 wickets in 15 games, at an average of 76.95 with an economy rate of 3.70 and a strike rate of 124.6. Who would have thought a leggie bowling outside off and with a googly that could be read easier than Roger Red Hat would be so unthreatening? (Everyone, bar the England selectors, which makes Salsibury's leggies a forerunner of Jason Roy's defence: plus ca change.)

What Salisbury does have, which he will be able to brag about in the changing rooms and which none of my batsmen will hopefully have, is a test 50, and the skyscraper average of 16.72. I'm intending him to bat at 8.

@Willoughby63 - your go mate

Aislabie · Sep 10, 2019

blockerdave said:
What Salisbury does have, which he will be able to brag about in the changing rooms and which none of my batsmen will hopefully have, is a test 50, and the skyscraper average of 16.72.

A spectacularly good pick, but this is my quote of the draft so far. Early stages I know

Willoughby63 · Sep 10, 2019

Maharaja of Patiala
Avg: 17.37
Maharaja of Patiala played 27 tests for India as a batsman, averaging 17.37 with 1 fifty. He got in to the team through status and only fielded when he felt like it.
Next pick: @Bevab

Aislabie · Sep 10, 2019

Willoughby63 said:
Maharaja of Patiala
Avg: 17.37
Maharaja of Patiala played 27 tests for India as a batsman, averaging 17.37 with 1 fifty. He got in to the team through status and only fielded when he felt like it.
Next pick: @Bevab

Hang about, great though that sounds those weren't Test matches. I'm afraid that's an invalid pick.

Bevab · Sep 11, 2019

Given that @Willoughby63 made an invalid pick, I’m going ahead with my pick of Jack Ikin.

Jack Ikin

Ikin was one of those players who were just in the right place at the right time. Had he been eligible during any other part of England's cricket history, I doubt that he would have made the side (including the current English side too).
Ikin was noted for his bravery and adaptability, filling in whatever role that the team wanted him to do at that time. A lack of other decent candidates during the post-WW2 period meant that Ikin was often selected to simply fill up a spot in the team, akin to street cricket teams selecting a player or two to simply make up the numbers. Ikin provided 'stability' as it was claimed to the stars of the side like Hutton.
What was incredible was the number of games Ikin played in. A game or two might have been excusable given that he was a decent bat in first-class cricket, but eighteen? Ikin ended up with a batting average of 20, a high score of 60 (which to be fair was the second highest in the innings) and took 3 wickets with a bowling average of 118 going for nearly 4 runs per over.
Unlike some of the picks that will surely be featured in the upcoming rounds, the only quality bowling Ikin faced was the Aussie side of 1946 with Miller and Lindwall. The rest of the bowlers that he faced were very average post-war Indians, New Zealanders and West Indians, which further contributes to his mediocrity.
Ikin was reported to be a super fielder in the slips, but even in this field he is most known for an infamous incident where he took a good chest-high catch of Don Bradman that was so obvious that nobody even bothered appealing. But, the Don did not walk and so the umpire ruled it not out to the sheer incredulity of the English players. It remains one of the most controversial incidents in Ashes history till date.

Aislabie · Sep 11, 2019

@Willoughby63 to fix his pick

@CerealKiller to make his

Willoughby63 · Sep 11, 2019

Chris Harris played 23 tests, averaging 20 with the bat and 70 with the ball. He was an all rounder for New Zealand in the 90s and will bat at 8 for me

CerealKiller · Sep 11, 2019

Rubel Hossain, the Bangladeshi fast bowler, made his debut against the West Indies in 2009. His record since then? 26 Tests, 33 wickets, bowling average of 80.33. If there is a worst Test bowler in the last couple of decades, i haven't seen him yet.
(26/100 caps)

@VC the slogger

VC the slogger · Sep 11, 2019

Seems we already have our captaincy candidate..

There are bad Test cricketers and then there is the Maharajah of Vizianagram or Vizzy as he was often called, who apart from being one of the worst Test cricketers of all time could also lay claim to being one of the biggest twats to ever set foot upon a cricket field. His selection in the Indian team for the 1936 tour of England was ensured mainly through his wealth and position in Indian cricket, which was enough to see him named captain of the team when India weren't able to secure the services of Nawab Iftikhar Ali Khan Pataudi who had played Test cricket for England due to poor health - in those days the thought of an Indian team being led by anyone but royalty was unthinkable. Something similar happened four years previously in 1932 when India made their maiden tour of England as a Test nation under the captaincy of the Maharajah of Patiala, who at least had the grace to hand over the captaincy for the only Test match to a proper player in CK Nayudu. Vizzy didn't possess any such grace and imposed himself upon the Indian cricket team as a captain and tail-end batsman who could neither bat nor bowl, effectively reducing them to 10 rather than 11 players. If that wasn't bad enough, his presence also caused a severe rift in the team in between the players and he was also to blame for Lala Amarnath, India's best player being sent home in disgrace from the tour; there was also a story of him offering Syed Mushtaq Ali a gold watch to run out Vijay Merchant, another opposer of his turbulent regime during a tour match, but the former reneged and ended up sharing a century partnership with him instead. Needless to say, India ended up losing the Tests 2-0 and Vizzy himself had a predictably poor series totalling just 33 runs at 8.25, which legend has it was fewer than the number of Rolls Royces he owned in his personal garage.

Overall, he totalled 1228 runs at 18.60 from all first-class matches with a highest of 77, a lot of them coming off deliberate full tosses and long hops from players he had offered gold watches or cash in return for giving him easy runs. He came within touching distance of touring with the Indian team in 1932 but for poor health getting in the way of his plans much to the relief of that team, which fared a lot better on paper. The 1936 batch weren't so lucky, and despite possessing arguably the most talented team India had ever sent over to the British Isles in their first 50 years as a Test nation with the likes of Vijay Merchant, Lala Amarnath, Amar Singh, Mohammad Nissar, CK Nayudu, Syed Mushtaq Ali to name a few, had an overall miserable time winning just 4 out of 28 first-class matches on tour, all owing to this man. Lala Amarnath, arguably the most talented Indian cricketer at the time and a man who had the potential to become the world's best all-rounder had his career greatly affected, as by the time he played his next Test in 1946 he was 35 and past his prime. Despite all this, Vizzy was still knighted during the King's Birthday Honours and remains to date the only active Test cricketer to ever receive a knighthood.

VC's XI

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Maharajah of Vizianagram
8.
9.
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11

@Sinister One

Draft: The Worst of Test Cricket / Poll Up / Tournament Done

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Sinister One

VC the slogger

Willoughby63

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