Sardar Jokes

[newzolt]

Thanks for the appreciation.
Will keep them coming!

 

[viral1991]

The 49th made me laughing the most!

 

[blackleopard92]

my god!!!!!!!!
:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl

 

[kamrandahir]

nice jokes newzolt

 

[borncricketer]

wow this thread has come a long way.....great jokes guys you are all doign a great job by making people laugh.....keep it up

 

[newzolt]

Newlyweds Santa Singh and Jaspinder were on their honeymoon trip and were driving down in their car to Chandigarh from their little town in Punjab.

They are nearing Chandigarh when Santa Singh puts his hand on Jaspinder's knee. Giggling, Jaspinder says shyly, 'Oye Santaji, you can go farther than that if you want to…'

So Santa Singh drives to Shimla.

 

[newzolt]

Some Monty Panesar jokes!Plain fun intended nothing else.



The third Test at Mumbai gets over and India has posted a fourth-innings score of a hundred runs leading to a massive England victory. Duncan Fletcher decides to have a one-on-one with his team after the match to ensure that the winning habit is retained. The tack he chooses to take: “Let us learn from the losing side and ensure we do not make the same mistakes they did.”

The first person he calls is Ponty. “So Monty,” he starts, “can you tell me what is the one lesson you have learnt from the Indians in this match?”

Monty ponders for some time, scratching his patka, his beard, his ear and finally answers: “Teamwork, sir.”

Fletcher is a little confused, that was not one of the answers he thought was relevant to the situation. “Why do you say so?” he asks.

Monty’s reply: “Well sir, all our players keep trying to score centuries on their own. The whole Indian team has got together and hit one century.”

* * *

Shaun Udal is overwhelmed by getting Sachin Tendulkar’s wicket in the last Test, and decides to go on an all-night drinking binge, after which he tries catching a Mumbai cab back to the hotel at 2am and is promptly run over and killed. Ponty decides that it is his duty to give an obituary and promptly lands up at the Times of India office the next day.

“How much for an obituary?” he asks the person at the reception.

“Fifty rupees per word sir,” is the reply.

“That’s not much.” Monty thinks. He writes on a piece of paper and passes it over to the receptionist. “Ok, please print this in tomorrow’s edition.” On the paper are two words - “Udal dead.”

The receptionist is taken aback. “I’m sorry, sir,” he says, “this won’t do – we have a five-word minimum limit, I mean, the message has to be at least five words long.”

So Monty thinks for a while, edits the message and passes it back. It now reads “Udal dead. Kit for sale.”

* * *

Fletcher believes that to do well in India, one must not just understand the cricketing aspect, but also the social, economic and political situation there. One day he decides to take a class for the team. “Do you know” he says, “that every time I take a breath, a girl child dies here?”

Monty is quite perplexed at this. He turns to Liam Plunkett and asks: “Why can’t he just use mouthwash?”

* * *

Though Monty has lived all his life in the UK, on his visit to Mohali he is overwhelmed by patriotic fervor and decides to buy an Indian flag. He goes to a shop adjoining the team hotel and asks for a flag.

The shopkeeper shows him a range of flags of different sizes.

Monty thinks for a while, shakes his head and says, “Can I see some colour options please?”




source:http://www.blogcharm.com/TheGuru/25044/

 

[surendar]

Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, santa Singh's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died. "You know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"

 

[Sachin_007]

A SARDARJI is in the library , he bangs down a book and says :" too boring, too many characters and no story.

LIBRARIAN says : oh! U r the one who took the phone directory away??


==================================================================


Once a Sardarji was traveling on a train. He had to get off on station
that came up at 4 am. He asked the guy sitting opposite to him on the train
to wake him up at 4 am and gave him Rs 20 to do so. This guy was a barber,
and felt that for Rs 20 the passenger deserved more service. So, when he
fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off is beard!
When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home.
Reaching home he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw
the mirror. His wife said, ?What?s the matter?" He replied, "The cheat on
the train has taken Rs 20 from me and has woken up someone else!!!"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Santa along with a woman, went to the doctor. The doctor asked, What can I do for you? Santa said, Will you watch us have sexual intercource . The doctor looked puzzled but agreed.
When Santa has finished, the doctor said there is nothing wrong with the way you have intercource, and he charged them 100 Rs for the visit.
This happened several weeks in a row.
Finally the doctor asked, just exactly what are you trying to find out?
Santa replied, We are not trying to find out anything.
She is married so I can t go to her house. I am married so she cannot come to my house.
The Hotel Sunbeam charges 450 Rs for the room and Hotel Batra 400 Rs for that. We do it here for just 100 Rs and i get back 70 Rs from my medical allowances..........


==============================================================

Banta singh finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied 'Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and atlast I wrote THUNK !!!'

============================================================

One day a absent minded professor was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa Singh your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" Absent minded professor was in panic.Not knowing what to do, he jumped from his office window. While coming down when he was near the tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Santa Singh.

===========================================================

1.Sardarji enters kitchen. Opens sugar box, sees, closes. Wife observes.
Again he comes, opens sugar box and closes. Wife asks, 'What are you doing?'
Saradarji replies, 'Doctor told me to check sugar level regularly.

2.A sardarji, having bought a new phone with the latest model of answering machine had to disconnect it the very next day.
He was very disturbed when he heard his friend say, "abey, phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hoon

3.Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh got fed up with the Indian Govt and decided to blow up the parliament. They took 2 bombs, put them in a suitcase in the front seat of their car and set off. Hari Singh asks "What happens if the bombs blast off now". Gani Singh says "Don't worry. I have a sparebomb in the back seat

4.One sardarji was appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says, " it says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief'.".

5: Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh walked toward each other on a country road. Hari Singh carried a burlap bag over his shoulder.
"Hey Bhai," Gani Singh drawled, "what's in the bag?"
"Chickens," was the reply. "If I guess how many, can I have one?" "You can have both of them." "OK, Five?"

6: In a party one of Santa Singh's friends asked him how many chappathis he could eat in an empty stomach. Santa replied "Seven". His friend asks him, "When you eat the first chappathi your stomach is no longer empty. Then how can you eat seven??"
Impressed by this tricky question, Santa as soon as he goes back home asks his wife, "How many chappathis can you eat in an empty stomach??" She says "Five"
Santa, "If only you had told seven I had a nice reply for it."

7: One day, Banta goes to the clinic, and he finds his friend Santa crying.
Banta: Santa, Why are you crying?
Santa: The doctors are going to take my blood test by cutting my finger.
After hearing this Banta also starts crying.
Santa: Banta, why are you crying?
Banta: I'm here for urine test!

8: Santa, Banta, and one of their friends, Munnabhai, were stranded on an uninhabited island. The only way back home was to swim 100 miles to the next island, which was inhabited. Munnabhai was so determined to get home that he tried to swim. He swam upto 50 miles, got tired, and drowned. Then Banta tried. He swam upto 75 miles, but got tired and drowned, too. Santa thought he could make it all the way, so he started swimming. He swam 50 miles, but started getting tired, so he swam all the way back to the island.
9: Three men - an American, a Japanese and Banta Singh were sitting in the sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stoped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager," he said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
Banta felt decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone, decided he had to do something just as impressive. He steped out of the sauna and went to toilet. He returns with a piece of 'Toilet paper' hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?" "I'm getting a fax," he explains.

Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, santa Singh's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died. "You know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"

nice one...

 

[kamrandahir]

Dr Chopra psychotherapist wanted 'Sign board' to be pained in front of his clinic but our Sardar painter painted "Dr Chorpa Psycho The Rapist"

ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR DENIED
SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY, WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES..
MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD, MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI ,
MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON. SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!!!

 

[Sachin_007]

Dr Chopra psychotherapist wanted 'Sign board' to be pained in front of his clinic but our Sardar painter painted "Dr Chorpa Psycho The Rapist"

ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR DENIED
SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY, WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES..
MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD, MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI ,
MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON. SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!!!

LMAO...good jokes..

 

[manee]

Dr Chopra psychotherapist wanted 'Sign board' to be pained in front of his clinic but our Sardar painter painted "Dr Chorpa Psycho The Rapist"

ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR DENIED
SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY, WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES..
MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD, MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI ,
MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON. SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!!!

Good jokes, ur quite funny

 

[Sachin_007]

Two sardarjis (Prajees) were friends. They used to go together in office
by bus.
One day one of them was waiting for the other at the bus stop.
Suddenly the other one came on a BIKE (Hero Honda).
First one asked "waa! Prajee!! Kammal ho gaya. Kiska bike Leke aayya?
Second one told " Arre ! Lottery Lag Gayi.
First one said " Mujhe batao yaar, phir mein bhi loonga "
He started telling.... "Arre yesterday late night I was coming from a
friend's home.
It was so late that I couldn't catch any bus and auto.
After some time one BIKE was coming. So I asked for lift.
That person asked me "where do u want to go??????????"
I told, " wherever u want." by that time I recognised that THE BIKE WALA
was a girl not boy.
She drove fast and stopped at an ultra SUNSAN JAGAHA. She put off her
helmet first. And then clothes lastly.

Than....................................

She was totally NAKED.

Than..............................

Then she told " Le! tujhe jo mangta hai woh le le" ...

Then

`

I took the BIKE and ran away.
First Sardarji said "Arre! Accha Kiya Yaar.. ! nahi to ladkiyon ke kapde
apne kis kaamke?"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A Sardar and an American are seated next to each other
on a flight from

Los Angeles to New York . The American asks if he
would like to play a fun-game.

The Sardar , tired, just wants to take a nap, so
he politely declines and

rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The American persists and explains that the game
is easy and a lot of fun.

He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't
know the answer, you pay me $5,

and vice versa."

Again, the Sardar declines and tries to get some
sleep.

The American, now worked up, says, "Okay, if you
don't know the answer, you pay me $5,

and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you
$500."

This gets the sardar's attention and, figuring
there will be no end to this torment,

agrees to the game.

The American asks the first question, "What's the
distance from the earth to the moon?"

The Sardar doesn't say a word, reaches into his
wallet, pulls out a $5 bill and

hands it to the American.

"Okay," says the American, "Your turn."

So the Sardar asks, "What goes up a hill with
three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The American thinks about it. No answer.

Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and
searches all his references. No answer!

He taps into the air-phone with his modem and
searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No
answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends
and co-workers.

Checks the input. All to no avail!

Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Sardar
and hands him $500.

The Sardar thanks him and turns back to get his
sleep.

The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the
Sardar and asks,

"Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the Sardar reaches into his purse,
hands the American $5, and

goes back to sleep!

 

[blackleopard92]

nice one.
however I have read those.But still they give laughs.

 

[borncricketer]

nice one...keep posting