AVK'S Sms jokes

[Abhas]

Can I ask a serious question to everyone out there: What is the difference between an SMS joke and a normal joke? Because all the jokes that I have seen posted in this thread look normal to me.

some jokes are meant to be read on the mobile phone :
eg :
How to keep an idiot entertained *press down* ................... .................... How to keep an idiot entertained *press up*


want to reduce weight in a day

One fat guy - goes to a popular GYM in Bangalore sees an ad for a new
gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on
the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They
lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and
ladders and tell him to wait a minute.

He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying "If you catch me, I'm yours."

He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed.

Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes
the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5kg.

He's back on the street and starts to think.

"God, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time...
So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."

"No problem," says the manager.

Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door
when it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign, "If I catch you, you're
mine."

 

[avk2love]

great one!!!

 

[Abhas]

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director whatis the criteria that defines a patient to be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "after we fill up a bathtub, we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub"

Would you use the spoon? The teacup? The bucket?

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup."

Noooooo," answered the Director, looking at the visitor with new interest.

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"A normal person would pull the drain plug".

Some great (and tough) tongue Twisters :


* A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies.

* Black bug bit a big black bear.But where is the big black bear that the big black bug bit?

* Double bubble gum,bubbles double.

* A box of mixed biscuits, a mixed biscuit box.

* Upper roller lower roller upper lower roller...

 

[icyman]

Great ,we are back on !

 

[avk2love]

good one's

 

[Abhas]

Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.

 

[YOTC]

Here's an SMS i read on my sisters phone.
(off my head)
Hello Customer of Adultstore, yesterday you ordered the big red dildo hanging on the wall behind the desk, unfortunately we cannot fufil your order as that is the fire extinguisher. Please return to the store and order a new item.

Yours truly, Adultstore staff.

Needless to say, i was not shocked at all

 

[Bilal91]

Good one...here are few...

News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this...

God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!

ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?

What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!

 

[Abhas]

God saw me hungry, he created pizza...
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi...
He saw me in dark, he created light ...
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

 

[icyman]

The only thing that confuses a homosexaul
person is an APPLE
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Why are u looking so very confused ?

 

[usy]

God saw me hungry, he created pizza...
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi...
He saw me in dark, he created light ...
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

lol, nice one.

 

[Abhas]

TEACHER == Name four members of the cat family?
STUDENTS== Daddy cat,Mummy cat and two kittens !

 

[avk2love]

Subject "Love"

I am in hospital now. After 5 minutes, I will be transfered to a surgery room. The doctor told me, I will die if I stop RECEIVING YOUR SMS.

I have the "I",I have the "L",I have the "O",I have the "V",I have the
"E",... so pls can I have "U"?

You must be a good runner because you are always running in my mind, you must be a good thief because you have stolen my heart, and i am always a bad shooter because I Miss You Always...

L O V E .. L = Lake of Sorrows .. O = Ocean of Tears .. V = Valley of Death .. E = End of life....

If you love someone, put their name in a circle, instead of a heart, because hearts can break, but circles go on forever

You look so fine!I want to... break your heart and give you mine
You are like the sunshine so warm, you are like sugar, so sweet... you are like you... and that's the reason why I love you!

Love is sweet poison: .. Do not consume without your beloved's advise .. and keep out of reach of children .. and keep it in cool and dark place.

Love is like war... Easy to start... Difficult to end... Impossible to forget

Do you believe in love at first sight .. or do I have to walk by again??

Kiss is not like Nokia...Connecting People .. Kiss is not like Nike..Just Do It. .. Kiss is not like Pepsi..Yeh Dil Maange More .. But Kiss is like Pan Parag..Ek Se Mera Kya Hoga

If U delete this message thats bcoz u love me. .. If u save it thats bcoz u desire me .. & if u ignore it thats bcoz u miss me.
So what u gonna do with It?

If you fall in river there is a boat .. if you fall in well there is rope .. but if you fall in love there is no hope

Love is Pure .. Love is Sure .. Love is sweet poison .. that Doctors can't cure

 

[Abhas]

Police man== Stop, stop, your headlights are not working.
The Man== Move, move, even the brakes are not working.

 

[Abhas]

Why does history keep repeating it self?
Because we weren't listening the first time!


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A sardarji pulled out 6 people from a burning house...
still he was in jail.......why?
coz all the 6 were firebrigade staff !


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When ur life is in darkness pray to God ask him to free u from darkness

and if after you pray and your still in darkness,

please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL !