Sex, Drugs and Rock 'N' Roll. Oh, and some Football II

[treva]

SEX, DRUGS AND ROCK 'N ROLL. OH, AND SOME FOOTBALL II​

I had hinted at it's return, probably over a year ago now, but it is finally back. If you missed the original story then here is the link:

http://www.planetcricket.org/forums...-rock-n-roll-oh-some-football-fm09-50017.html

These next few updates were written a long, long time ago, so may not be up to scratch, but they should explain the gap between my last update and where this next attempt begins.

I hope you enjoy this, and I hope I can actually get a fair way into Kellog's career. If you fancy a re-cap, or missed the first edition of this story, then please do take a read via the link above.

We pick up the story with one game to go of the 2008/09 season. We begin with a summary of what you've missed.

------------------------

So far the season has been a mixed affair on a personal and club note. It has seen us fight for relegation, as expected, and it has seen us lose some of our best players. As for me, I played out almost all of the season watching from the bench. Despite hard work in training the manager refused to play me, only appearing in a couple of games during the first half of the season. Come February I was finally in the squad, hoping to turn the clubs fortune around. Now we have one game to keep us up.

Season Recap

The season started well with a win in the League Cup against Stranraer quickly followed by another home victory in our opening league game with Dundee United and a 3-3 draw at Inverness. Our first loss of the season came away to Kilmarnock, starting a whole chain of league defeats broken up only by a win over Brechin in the League Cup. A run of 15 defeats saw us slip to bottom of the table and out of the League Cup after facing an excellent Celtic side in the 3rd round.

Our run came to an end with three consecutive point scoring games consisting of two 1-1 draws with Hibernian and Motherwell, topped off with an away win at fellow strugglers St. Mirren.

We resumed our losing streak with three league losses in a row to Aberdeen, Inverness and Kilmarnock, but a win against Cowdenbeath kept our Scottish Cup hopes alive. However, after a draw with Hearts, Kilmarnock destroyed us 5-1 at their place to end the cup dream.

I was surprised to hear of offers from Birmingham City and several other teams during the transfer window but after negotiations the clubs ran out of time as the window shut, leaving me to play out the rest of the season at Hamilton.

This was followed by a second 5-1 defeat to Motherwell followed by my first game of 2009 which ended in a 3-1 away defeat at Falkirk. I was subbed after 60 minutes having had an average game. My inclusion was no doubt down to the loss of quality players such as James McArthur (Celtic), Tony Stevenson (Celtic) and Martin Canning (Aberdeen). Injuries also plagued the side as well as several red cards.

I started our next match against the league leaders Rangers. The game was televised and despite not feeling nervous my performance wasn't great and I was once again substitued before the end of our 2-0 defeat.

After a much better performance in yet another 5-1 loss, in which I was touted by the boss as the best player from our side, and another solid game in a draw with Aberdeen came the best game of my career.

The game started with a bang as I latched onto a superb Crawford corner and nodded the ball into the waiting net. My first goal as a professional footballer, and I celebrated in style, cartweeling before landing with both feet on the corner flag resulting in the need to bring out a spare flag to replace the now snapped remains of the old one. We held on to our 1-0 lead to bring up a massive victory. I was given the man of the match award. In the post-match interview I dedicated the performance to my mum, who had she been alive, would've cherished the moment.

Amazingly I was announced as runner-up to team mate St?phen Ettien in the Young Player of the Month award for April. Both the boss and Dundee United manager Craig Levein were recorded in the press praising my performances.

Unfortunately April saw us lose several key games, and as we made it towards the final stretch we still sat at the bottom of the table. The league splits in half with five games to go, and we knew we had to make each and every game count from then on in.

We drew with St. Mirren, the team just one place above us, in a game we just couldn't afford to lose. I had been out for 5 weeks with two different injuries and missed a thrilling 3-4 loss to Inverness. Richard Offiong, who had been a shining light on a disappoitning season gave us a much needed home win over Kilmarnock before a 3-0 loss at Hibs pegged us back yet again.

Thankfully my thigh strain healed in time for the final game of the season. We sit bottom, just a single point away from safety. St. Mirren know they just need to beat Kilmarnock to be safe, wheras we have to hope for a win against Dundee United, the team we defeated 1-0 in the opening league game of the season. This would be it, could we stay up? Would this be my last game as a Hamilton player?

Personal Life

Following the Secret Agent business Georgie and Michelle were wisked off to some country in Central Africa. They returned a few months later having regained their 'valuable item'. Despite their adventurous occupation Georgie and I have officially been made a couple, making Georgie the only Secret Agent WAG out there (Who knows, Victoria Beckham could be a spy?)

Lucas is still my flat-mate and he continues to watch Jeremy Kyle relentlessly. His contract runs up and the end of the year and despite a good season (3 goals for the reserves and some solid first team performances) he may not be staying on at Hamilton next season.

Found out that my cousin, who I stayed with for a couple of years after mum died, was getting hitched and plan to travel down to Bristol for the wedding in the Summer. It will be good to see my family again, and they may even meet Georgie if she is able to make time in her busy secret agent schedule.

 

[hedger_14]

Good to see this back mate. Good luck and hope you keep it going for a while.

 

[treva]

Cheers Hedger. These next few updates were also written a long time ago.

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Saturday 16th May, 2009

Dundee United | 2
Hamilton | 0

The boss gave us the vote of confidence going into the game but it was a tie we knew would most likely end in a loss. I was forced to start at right back due to injuries and suspensions but I wasn't complaining. I wasn't match fit and I knew this was the only way I was going to get into the starting eleven.

We started brightly with Joel smashing against the post early but we couldn't contain their forwards and soon came under heavy pressure. They inevitably took the lead on 31 minutes through Paul Dixon and we went into the half one down.

St. Mirren were 1-0 down themselves. with two players already sent off, giving us a glimmer of hope if we could keep it tight at the back and somehow find two goals. It wasn't to be, though, as we stretched forward in search of goals Roy O'Donovan hit the sucker punch that effectively relegated us.

The game finished 2-0 despite our best efforts meaning we would be facing First Division opposition next season.

Match Stats
Goal scorers:
Shots: 6
On Target: 2
Possession: 47%
Corners: 4

Monday 18th May, 2009

The boss called us in for one final team meeting before we broke away for the Summer. James Gibson had returned from international duty in Sweden as Scotland U19s captain. For some reason, despite it being 6 degrees out in Stockholm, he came back wearing Hawaiian clothing. Thought better than to ask him what happened, especially after seeing a large chunk of his hair missing and a rather large tattoo of a pig on the back of his neck!

The boss sat us down in the club lounge and went through his season review and told us in no uncertain terms that we will be fighting our hardest to return back to the top division next year. After a half an hour talk we headed off to the pub. As the day turned into night we managed to get the boss up on stage to do karaoke. His face as he saw that his randomly selected song was actually 'Sex on the Beach' was priceless. Lucas filmed the whole performance on his phone, meaning that with months of spare time we would be able to edit the video and play it at the season opening party.

It was a good night with the lads as we put the disappointment of Saturday's loss behind us by getting absolutely smashed. It looks like Lucas may be getting a new contract in the next few weeks, which is excellent news.

Thursday 28th May, 2009

Lucas finally pens a year-long extension to keep him at Hamilton, although there are rumours that a few teams in the league below are looking for his services on loan. I doubt he'd accept if they came calling, but you never know.

The boss made it clear that we needed to keep fit over the Summer but despite a jogging session every other day I seem to be putting on the pounds. Lucas' mum staying at the apartment doesn't help, she cooks a mean steak pie with the best trifle you will ever taste to follow it up.

Looks like Georgie is coming to the wedding next month. Lucas isn't coming, though. He told me he'd much rather be at home watching Jeremy Kyle, Jerry Springer and Hollyoaks on tele. Lucas is going to get a roasting from the boss when he rocks up to training the size of a pregnant hippo.

 

[Aditya]

It's good t see you doing a story again, Trev. This used to be my favorite story when it used to run earlier. I like the thread title by the way.

Good luck for this story, I'm sure it will be as good as it used to be before.

 

[treva]

Tuesday 2nd June, 2009

Just two days before the wedding and we get stuck in Staffordshire with some kind of electrical fault with my shitty Vauxhall. After an hour and a half wait, the RAC man turned up and after another hour and a half we were ready to drive again.

We managed to get to my Auntie's around 9:15 and we exchanged greetings as I introduced Georgie to the family. Not a lot had changed since I had been there last, about three years ago. My cousin Joe was still fat, his sister Tina, the bride to be, still has a mole the size of J-Lo's ass on her neck and my Uncle continues to lose food in his beard (He once found a chicken wing in there!).

There's no place like home, so I've heard.

Thursday 4th June, 2009

The wedding ceremony was mediocre at best. Although, once you've been to one wedding you've seen them all. A fight almost broke out between two lads from either side of the family. Apparently Dan, a cousin to the bride (does that make him my second cousin?) sold a guy called Joseph bad drugs. Unfortunately the fight was broken up before I could film any of it on my phone.

I got a call from Lucas after the reception. He was shouting and out of breath so I told him to calm down and tell me what had happened. Apparently he was cooking beans on toast when he managed to set our apartment on fire. Not to worry though, Lucas had put out the fire quickly before it started to spread. The thing Lucas was most devastated about was that his Jeremy Kyle dish towel was now a pile of ashes. It'll take him a few days to recover from such a loss and I imagine he'll spend most of it cuddling up to his Jeremy Kyle doll. Bless.

In the evening I reluctantly took Georgie to the Bristol Hippodrome to see 'Pride and Prejudice'. The first half dragged on and on and if it hadn't been for the ocassional nudge from Georgie the whole theatre would've been interrupted by my loud snoring. After a couple of beers at the interval the second half seemed a little sprightlier. However, my attempts to try and figure out what was going were quickly snuffed out by a sharp ?sssssshhhing? sound from my girlfriend leaving me to sit the last 30 minutes in complete bewilderment.

More beers were the order of the evening once we arrived back at my Auntie's house. A drunk game of charades entertained us all until the early hours of the morning when we decided to finally get some sleep. An interesting day to say the least but my return to Bristol had come to a close. I knew I would be back but hoped it would be another few years away. Georgie soon fell asleep as I lay -thinking of the future. It hadn't been the most glamorous of career beginnings, like those you see on television, but it had been a successful start.

Thursday 18th June, 2009

Following our return to rainy Scotland, we had a fairly quiet couple of weeks. Georgie and Michelle headed off for a training camp in Russia leaving me on my own with Lucas for almost a month. Lucas had now recovered from the dish towel disaster and had completed several box sets of Jeremy Kyle, Jerry Springer, Hollyoaks, Britain's Next Top Model and Sex in the City.

A call from Mia, our gorgeous club receptionist, invited us out clubbing with her and her mates. I managed to drag Lucas out of his slump and bring him along. It was a good night out by-and-large, although there were some sour moments. One of which was Lucas' attempt at pulling a stunning red head, failing to see her 6 foot 5 boyfriend next to her. Thankfully I got there just in time to smooth things over and keep the raging boyfriend from smashing Lucas into next week.

I enjoyed Mia's company as we sat and chatted for a good hour. She told me about her break up with her long term boyfriend and I shared experiences ranging from Lucas' mishaps to my troubled childhood. A few drinks on and one thing led to another, as Mia lent forward and kissed me. From the minute I stumbled across her on my first day as a Hamilton player I had wanted this moment but it wasn't right. I really cared about Georgia and there was no way I was going to screw it up. I firmly withdrew from the kiss and told Mia I couldn't do it. After that the remaining minutes of the night were awkward and we soon headed home. I was surprised at my own self control, for once I was thinking with my head and not my dick. When I say ?we soon headed home? I mean me and my car. Lucas was nowhere to be found. A text read "Domtw waht up fnr meee b b.ck in tge mornin," which I translated as one of two things. A) He's got lucky, somehow or B) He was spending the night in a dark, damp cell at the police station.

Mia really is stunning​

 

[treva]

Saturday 20th June, 2009

Lucas finally returned home today, a day and a half after our night out. He barged through the door as an episode of 'NCIS' came to an explosive end, also calling an end to a 45 minute work out on the exercise bike. Lucas looked rough. I asked him what had happened but he just mumbled and raced into the bathroom. Now by the state of him I would normally have predicted option B to have been the case, but the fact that he came in hands tied by pink fluffy handcuffs made me sway towards option A. That is unless he was arrested by a few gay cops.

I decided to leave Lucas to recover and continue a day of fitness with a jog around Hamilton; my iPod on shuffle.

Saturday 27th June, 2009

A week had passed since Lucas? return and surprisingly he had hardly watched any TV since the events ?we do not speak of?. Incredibly, I was able to persuade him to get in shape for the new season, with pre-season training starting on the 1st. We were looking forward to getting back on the pitch and ensuring promotion back to the top division. We would be playing Raith and Airdrie United this season, the likes of which we should demolish.

However, it was time to focus on pre-season where we would face Dumbarton, Cardiff, Hearts, West Brom, Huddersfield and Pollok, with a first team-reserves friendly to begin with. I was itching to get stuck into competitive football once again and in particular Cardiff, a team I had brought up to despise as a Bristol City fan. Hearts would also be a big game, considering they had been our standard of opposition last season. It was going to be a test of character for a lot of the guys and I for one knew that a good performance against the Edinburgh based side could improve important for morale going into the new season.

A short and sweet call from Georgie gave me a break from pre-pre-season training. She and ?the girls? were having a wonderful time, which sounds rather difficult considering they were on a MI5 training camp in one of the coldest places on Earth, but apparently the vodka made for some interesting nights (You would think MI5 would be a tad strict on those kind of shenanigans, but there you go). Also, ?the girls? were not so much girls as ?beasts?, having seen pictures of a few of them. Let?s just say even Jack Bauer would be scared of those monstrosities.

For the rest of the day me and Lucas joked around during our workout and settled down to play on the PS3 for the rest of the evening. The highlight of the evening was Lucas? argument with a slightly deranged Chinese bloke during a Team Deathmatch online on ?Call of Duty: Modern Warefare 2?. Ever seen the video of the Angry German Kid on YouTube? Well at one point this Chinese kid was very much like that, only he wasn?t speaking German, just a very poor attempt at English. My favourite line was (translated into readable English): ?WOOOOOOO, you mother fried chickener. Stay dead bitch. NOOOOOOOO, you fried chickener, you are dead. I will whip your white ass,? the best thing being Lucas is black. Reminded me of that Chinese guy from ?The Hangover?. Good times.

"Sooooooooo long, Gayboys."​

 

[treva]

Wednesday 1st July, 2009

Our first training session proved to be too much for some players who hadn?t been able to keep their fitness levels up during the off-season. James Gibson, who had come close to leaving us over the Summer, pulled up during the session with a thigh strain. A couple of the U19?s also hobbled off the field with injuries, but apart from that it was an enjoyable session.

The boss put us through a good hour and a half of fitness work, including the dreaded 6 yard line and back, 18 yard line and back, halfway line and back, far 18 yard line and back, far 6 yard line and back, and far touchline and back, all with a 10kg weight on your shoulders (Suicides, for those in the know). Then came the skills based exercise with some passing, ball control and defender vs attacker ball sprints. You could tell nobody had touched a ball in a long time, with our new Portuguese striker Flavio Paixao almost smashing one of the equipment shed windows.

We split up into 6 teams for the final part of training to play a mini tournament. With 6 goalies at the club they became the captains. With a few of the youth players sitting out we had enough for 6 a-side. My team consisted of Gary Inglis (GK), John Paul Kissock (AM RLC), Marco Paixao (ST), Matt Sheridan (DC), Gary Mason (DM MC) and myself. We ended up winning two and losing three, meaning we missed out on a final place. I scored a goal and set up a few for Paixao Mk II. His brother?s team, captained by Thomas Cerny, won the competition. Lucas? team came last without a single win, the highlight of the day being Lucas? dreadful attempt at an overhead kick which actually went backwards.

Not quite Rooney's standard​

Once we had all got showered and changed everyone headed to the clubhouse for one of our final drinking sessions before the season. Not very professional but it really did bring us together as a team and the morale had certainly risen in just the few hours we had been training. This was what I respected most about the boss. He was relaxed enough to join in with the banter, have a few beers and generally enjoy himself, but he also kept us disciplined when it came to the football. That and the fact he had given me a new life, and for that ?I am eternally grateful? (To quote Toy Story). We ended the night with a toast to our new season and what would hopefully be a successful return to Division 1 football.

Wednesday 8th July, 2009

Hamilton | 2
Reserves | 0

Our first game of the season, although no different from every other day down at the training ground. I started out wide left in an attacking role. In the opening half an hour we struck the bar twice but couldn?t find the back of the net. My free kick just before the half gave Beuzelin a brilliant chance to put us ahead, but he shot straight at Dolan in the reserves? goal. A few moments later I had my first chance to score, only to see the shot deflected wide, and from the resulting corner Andrews rose up well to head the ball home. To end the half Andrews bagged his second after a scramble and gave us a deserved lead of 2-0.

Lucas was brought on at half time but the action slowed in the opening minutes of the second period. McClenahan took a knock to his arm and was brought off for Ormsby. They came close to pulling one back with a deflected shot that bounced back off the bar on the hour. Nothing of note followed and we held on for the 2-0 victory.

Match Stats
Goal scorers: Andrews (x2)
Shots: 14
On Target: 3
Possession: 51%
Corners: 6

Friday 10th July, 2009

Dumbarton | 0
Hamilton | 3

The same team was selected for our trip to Dumbarton, Ormsby replacing McClenahan the only change. On 10 minutes Antoine-Curier was played in down the right. I took up my place in the middle and managed to get in front of the defender as the cross came in. Thankfully the ball in was inch perfect and I couldn?t miss, heading the ball into the bottom right corner.

A few more chances came and went before Wesolowski showed everyone what his right foot was like with an unstoppable strike after 31 minutes to make it 2-0.

Our next goal was even better. A clearance by the Dumbarton keeper was knocked down by McLaughlin straight to Simon (Mensing) on the edge of area. He chested it down and smashed a volley towards goal, not once looking up. The ball flew into the back of the net and the game was as good as won before the break.

Simon bagged his second after the break only to see it chalked off for offside. Dumbarton came close to scoring at our end, but unfortunately for them Tom?s (Cerny) was in fine form between the sticks. Myself and Simon were rested with twenty minutes to go causing all action to cease and so it finished 3-0.

The boss was very pleased when we retired to the changing rooms, something I could get used to this season. Simon ended up getting chucked into the shower with all kit on before one of the practice balls was smashed at him by Derek Lyle.

Match Stats
Goal scorers: Kellog, Wesolowski, Mensing
Shots: 8
On Target: 6
Possession: 58%
Corners: 5

 

[treva]

Saturday 11th July, 2009

Just a day after our win over Dumbarton, we travelled down south ? Wales to be precise ? to prepare for our game against Championship side Cardiff. The weather was surprisingly nice, although the wind was rather strong.

The coach journey down was rather entertaining. JP (John Paul Kissock) raked in the money playing poker, much to the disgust of Richard Hastings and our young Congolese defender David Louhoungou. We also sorted out our Scottish Cup sweepstake. Funnily enough, I picked up Dumbarton, our opponents only a day ago. Lucas picked up East Stirlingshire from Division 3, and was not best pleased about it. Derek Lyle and David Elebert were the lucky ones as they landed Celtic and Rangers.

With about an hour of the journey left young keeper Gary Inglis fell asleep. Safe to say this wasn?t the best move, as we pulled out the permanent markers and re-designed his face. What was even more embarrassing was that he had fallen asleep with his iPod on, playing ?Barbie Girl? by Aqua, arming us with material to abuse Gary all trip.

We arrived at our hotel and settled in. We had no time to get any training in, so we just chilled in the hotel. The bar was off limits, for obvious reasons, so me and a few of the lads watched the Ashes highlights of day four at Cardiff. Australia racked up 674/6 declared before knocking off two English wickets. After listening to Geoffrey Boycott bash the England team we called it a night. I was itching to get on the field tomorrow and show the Cardiff players that we could match them.

Sunday 12th July, 2009

Cardiff City | 1
Hamilton | 0

The boss made two changes to the side, bringing in JP and Louhoungou for Beuzelin and Mason. The first half was all Cardiff but it stayed 0-0. The closest they came to scoring was in the fourth minute, with Rae hitting the bar from outside the area. We hadn?t managed to even test their keeper, with only one blocked shot to our name.

Mason and Flavio Paixao were brought on at half-time and I was told I would have 15 minutes before being subbed. Nothing of note happened, and I was soon brought off, along with McLaughlin and Simon.

Five minutes later Cardiff had the lead. McCormack ran down the left before getting to the byline and chipping in a perfect ball for Magennis, who couldn?t miss from 6 yards out.

Our first real chance of the game came with 15 minutes to go as we worked the ball inside from a throw-in, before Paixao passed to Kissock, who unleashed a shot goalwards from the edge of the area. Unfortunately for us it brushed the post and went wide.

The game ended at 1-0, and although we hadn?t threatened in front of goal, we had proved we could restrict a good team to long shots and just a single goal. We had every right to leave Cardiff happy, and now looked forward to another tough opponent in Hearts on Thursday.

Match Stats
Shots: 3
On Target: 0
Possession: 47%
Corners: 4

 

[w3lshrugby]

Excellent work mate - really enjoyed this first time round. Feeling a bit inspired to finally write some stuff on here again.

 

[harrisb]

Just out of curiosity, are you managing the whole team and writing as if you were a player, or is there some way in FM that you can control a player's career?

Good read so far, slightly more light-hearted than some of the other stories on this site

 

[treva]

Just out of curiosity, are you managing the whole team and writing as if you were a player, or is there some way in FM that you can control a player's career?

Good read so far, slightly more light-hearted than some of the other stories on this site

I'm just managing the team and writing as the player, having created him in the FM Editor. There is no such feature to control a player's career like on FIFA.

A new update should be up soon, not had time to play over Christmas/New Year.

 

[harrisb]

I didn't think there was, which makes the story even more remarkable and interesting to read. Looking forward to the next update

 

[treva]

Thursday 16th July, 2009

Hamilton | 1
Hearts | 1

Lucas was given a starting spot up top for us in this game, with Beuzelin and Mason also coming into the starting line-up.

We started off the better side as we had a penalty claim turned down and Simon came close to opening the scoring with a long range shot. It didn?t take long for us to take the lead, and it was Lucas who fired us ahead having been played in by Ormsby.

Hearts fought back, creating chances of their own but failing to beat Cerny in goal. Simon took a knock before half-time as we went into the break 1-0 up. Simon was brought off along with Orsmby; replaced by youngsters Mills and McQueen.

Cerny continued to deny Hearts after the break as they continued to waste chances. I was brought off 20 minutes from the end. The win was taken away from us two minutes from time as Obua found space in the box and hit a fierce shot across Cerny into the corner of the net. It ended one apiece, another good performance against a good team.

Match Stats
Goal scorers: Akins
Shots: 7
On Target: 2
Possession: 48%
Corners: 3

Saturday 18th July, 2009

West Bromich Albion | 5
Hamilton | 0

The Hearts game began a run of four friendlies in six days to end pre-season, and we immediately had to travel down to Birmingham to face Championship outfit West Brom. Simon was ruled out of all of those games with a badly bruised rib, and so watched from the sidelines. Gibbo was put onto the bench despite not being fully fit after his thigh strain.

However, it didn?t take West Brom long to take the lead, ten minutes to be precise, as Wood headed home Mattock?s cross. I would say Lucas came close to levelling ten minutes later, but his shot was closer to row z than the goal.

His free kick attempt was much better, but we came extremely close to equalising from an unlikely source ? Wesolowski hitting the bar direct from a corner.

A few changes were made at half time in an attempt to find a goal, but it was West Brom who seized back control after the break. A poor clearance by myself landed Zuverloon a chance to make it 2-0 and he gratefully obliged.

Mason and Beuzelin had chances to pull one back but wasted their attempts. We employed a more attacking mentality but it only invited pressure, pressure that eventually succumbed to the left foot of Brunt.

Cox scored to make it 4-0 before Cech finished things off four minutes from time completing the demolition.

The boss wasn?t happy and told us he?d expect a better performance against Huddersfield on Monday.

Match Stats
Shots: 8
On Target: 1
Possession: 55%
Corners: 5

 

[KBC]

Y U NO Revive this thread? :P

 

[treva]

Been a bit busy lately. There are updates already written and will be posted in due time.