The funny thread

[indyan]

Here is something which I had found on the net.
I had saved in my HD and forgot about it.Don't know if it's true.

___________________________
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto

industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be
driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press
release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the

following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of

the road, close all of the
windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you

would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would
cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy

to drive - but would run on
only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has

Performed An Illegal
Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you

simultaneously lifted the door
handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because

none of the controls would
operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off

___________________________

Hope u like it.

 

[ricky123]

B) it is true mate : : :

 

[andrew_nixon]

It's an urban legend. Versions of this have been around since 1997, see here.

 

[dean_mag]

??????????????????
Any more jokes. The last few were great!!!
: : : : : :
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[dean_mag]

I've got one


You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm so sure you can hear me thinking. " Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

6. Bring cheerleaders.

7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand any of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who are you? Where's the regular guy?"

8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc. . . ). Play with the volume at max level.

9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

10. Bring pets.

11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas. "If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.

13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

15. Laugh at everyone in the room saying how long their nose is.

16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

 

[electioneering]

Originally posted by squiz+Feb 21 2004, 04:11 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(squiz @ Feb 21 2004, 04:11 PM)</div>

<!--QuoteBegin-Pat

@Feb 21 2004, 09:38 PM
6. Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more)
A - Defected
B - Expelled
C - Bought out
D - None of above
E - All of above

How can you have None of the above, before All of above??

All of above means: none of the above, plus Defected, Expelled, and Brought out.

You've confused me

: : : :P :P :P [/b]

It was a joke,mate :

 

[electioneering]

A little boy asked his mother:
- Mummy, why are you white and I am black?
His mother replied:
- Don?t even ask me that, when I remember that party...,i think you are lucky that you don?t bark.

 

[electioneering]

Applying for a Job at the CIA

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which peson would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."

So they brought the second man to the same door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes; then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her; I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."

"No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Now they only had the woman left to test. They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances; this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then all happy thoughts broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, rashing, and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes; then all went quiet.

The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"

 

[electioneering]

Geography of a woman

Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is
half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bush land around the fertile deltas.

Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan.Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with entities with cash and cars.

Between the ages of 30 -35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot,
relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She
may have been half destroyed during the 'war' but can still be a warm and desirable 'place' to visit.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost
the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada.
Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically un-patrolled but the
frigid climate keeps people away.

Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future.

After 70, they become Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

 

[ricky123]

:P good one mate but iread it before somewhere else :

 

[indyan]

Your last joke was a real cracker Pat.

 

[electioneering]

A trainee on his very first day of work, dials the
pantry and shouts into the phone,
"Get me a coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded,
"You fool you've dialed the wrong extension!
Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"
"No," replied the trainee.
It's the CEO of the company, you fool!"
The trainee shouts back, "And do YOU know who YOU are
talking to, you fool?!"
"No." replied the CEO indignantly.
"Good!" replied the trainee, and puts down the phone

 

[Maestro]

I know this sounds crazy,

but this is the only joke I could think of:

What do you call a sheep in the desert?

LOST!

It's really weird but if you think about it,

It sounds funny, like when everyones quiet in class and think about it.

I don't know, it's makes me feel great though. Just laughing in class,

 

[dean_mag]

?????Wierd?????

???????????????

Wierd

 

[squiz]

Originally posted by Maestro@Mar 1 2004, 04:55 PM
I know this sounds crazy,

but this is the only joke I could think of:

What do you call a sheep in the desert?

LOST!

It's really weird but if you think about it,

It sounds funny, like when everyones quiet in class and think about it.

I don't know, it's makes me feel great though. Just laughing in class,

I like them simple jokes, it's like what Red & White and looks like a cat

Answer: A Red and White Cat : :