The Jokes Thread

Is wittiest/funniest answer competition a good idea?


  • Total voters
    16
  • Poll closed .
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.

The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don't know, it all happened so fast.”

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Texan: “Where are you from?”
Harvard grad: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.”
Texan: “Okay – where are you from, jackass?”

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Two fish in a tank.

One turns to the other and says “Do you know how to drive this?”

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A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.

The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don't know, it all happened so fast.”

Thats funny. :laugh
 
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.

The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied ?I don't know, it all happened so fast.?

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Texan: ?Where are you from??
Harvard grad: ?I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.?
Texan: ?Okay ? where are you from, jackass??

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Two fish in a tank.

One turns to the other and says ?Do you know how to drive this??

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Good ones 1st is the best :)
 
Texan: ?Where are you from??
Harvard grad: ?I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.?
Texan: ?Okay ? where are you from, jackass??

ROFL Is that grammatically correct
 
ROFL! good ones..
btw why is "Where are you from?" not grammatically correct?
 
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.

The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied ?I don't know, it all happened so fast.?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Texan: ?Where are you from??
Harvard grad: ?I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.?
Texan: ?Okay ? where are you from, jackass??

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two fish in a tank.

One turns to the other and says ?Do you know how to drive this??

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
nice jokes dude. :laugh:rtfl
Loved the first one most.
 
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A few more for y'all

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As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

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A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"


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There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.

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A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

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hMarka added 5 Minutes and 24 Seconds later...

A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Humm, buffalo come". The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come"? and the Indian replies, "ear sticky".
 
I read that jar one previously, but don't remember, if its on pc. Kewl jokes, hope they keep on coming:)
 
This one might be a bit offensive but oh well:

A man suspecting his wife was seeing another man hired a famous Chinese detective named Chen Lee. Chen Lee was hired to watch and report any activities while the husband was gone.

A few days later the husband received this report :

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Most honourable Sir

You leave house
I watch house
He come to house, I watch
He and she leave house, I follow
He and she go to hotel, I climb tree
I look in window
He kiss she, she kiss he
He strip she, she strip he
He play with she, she play with he
I play with me, I fall off tree
I not see
No fee

Chen Lee
 
If Columbus had a Girlfrnd,

He might have never discovered America because

Girl: Where are you going?

With whom?

How are you going?

To discover what?

Why only you?

Wtf shall I do when you are gone?

Can I come too?

Will you miss me?

He would have dropped the idea.:D:p

Isnt it?
 
One night, a woman and her butler are in the woman's bedroom. The woman says to the butler, "Spencer, take off my dress." He obliges. They she says, "Spencer, take off my bra." He does. Then she says "Spencer, take off my underwear", so he does as she asks.

The she says
"Now Spencer, If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"
:p
 

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