The Jokes Thread

[pcfan123]

Apparantly the Americans have asked the Canadians to play the game against England for them as they have attacked a completely different stadium; they took control of the pitch a few hundred kilometres to the East saying it needed to be secured before the Algerian game, worried for a knock on effect. An American spokesman said that the Algerians themselves asked them to invade. The Algerian manager, speaking from a secret loacation in a prison cell in Poland where he was being "looked after" for his own good, said he was being treated well and that the marks on his face were due to him accidentally walking into a waterboard machine......

Hahaha, omg how did I miss this!

 

[Pranav]

Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vet's office. One is a poodle, one is a schnauzer and the other is a Great Dane.

The poodle turns to the Schnauzer and asks, "Why are you here?"

The Schnauzer responds, "I'm 17 years old. I don't see or hear very well. I've been having accidents in the house. My owner says I'm too old and sick so he brought me here to be put to sleep."

The Schnauzer asks the Poodle, "Why are you here?"

The Poodle responds, "I've not been myself lately. I've been especially high strung. I've been barking all the time, I've been snapping at people and I even bit one of the neighbor's kids. Nobody knows why this has been happening. My owner says he can't risk me biting somebody else so he brought me here to be put to sleep."

The Poodle and Schnauzer ask the Great Dane why he is here.

The great Dane responds, "My owner is this beautiful runway model. Yesterday she was walking around the house naked when she suddenly bent down to pick up something she dropped. She was bent over and naked when nature took over and the next thing I know I'm on top of her doing the doggie thing. I couldn't help myself."

The Poodle asks, "So she brought you here to put to sleep?"

"Oh, no...., I'm just here to get my nails trimmed!"

 

[ARay]

Slightly off topic, but I find bestiality very extremely weird. I mean I have no idea how some people can be turned on by it

 

[Kiko_97]

-D-S-B- added 0 Minutes and 27 Seconds later...

Damn I forgot 2 g's :laugh
Basically ruins my billboard

Correct that, and that's my sig for the rest of the month

 

[Dutch]

Slightly off topic, but I find bestiality very extremely weird. I mean I have no idea how some people can be turned on by it

Some people just get confused with the term "doggy style"......

 

[deathrevenge9]

Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vet's office. One is a poodle, one is a schnauzer and the other is a Great Dane.

The poodle turns to the Schnauzer and asks, "Why are you here?"

The Schnauzer responds, "I'm 17 years old. I don't see or hear very well. I've been having accidents in the house. My owner says I'm too old and sick so he brought me here to be put to sleep."

The Schnauzer asks the Poodle, "Why are you here?"

The Poodle responds, "I've not been myself lately. I've been especially high strung. I've been barking all the time, I've been snapping at people and I even bit one of the neighbor's kids. Nobody knows why this has been happening. My owner says he can't risk me biting somebody else so he brought me here to be put to sleep."

The Poodle and Schnauzer ask the Great Dane why he is here.

The great Dane responds, "My owner is this beautiful runway model. Yesterday she was walking around the house naked when she suddenly bent down to pick up something she dropped. She was bent over and naked when nature took over and the next thing I know I'm on top of her doing the doggie thing. I couldn't help myself."

The Poodle asks, "So she brought you here to put to sleep?"

"Oh, no...., I'm just here to get my nails trimmed!"

Some people just get confused with the term "doggy style"......

Both the posts made me LOL :laugh:laugh.

 

[AkshayS]

Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vet's office. One is a poodle, one is a schnauzer and the other is a Great Dane.

The poodle turns to the Schnauzer and asks, "Why are you here?"

The Schnauzer responds, "I'm 17 years old. I don't see or hear very well. I've been having accidents in the house. My owner says I'm too old and sick so he brought me here to be put to sleep."

The Schnauzer asks the Poodle, "Why are you here?"

The Poodle responds, "I've not been myself lately. I've been especially high strung. I've been barking all the time, I've been snapping at people and I even bit one of the neighbor's kids. Nobody knows why this has been happening. My owner says he can't risk me biting somebody else so he brought me here to be put to sleep."

The Poodle and Schnauzer ask the Great Dane why he is here.

The great Dane responds, "My owner is this beautiful runway model. Yesterday she was walking around the house naked when she suddenly bent down to pick up something she dropped. She was bent over and naked when nature took over and the next thing I know I'm on top of her doing the doggie thing. I couldn't help myself."

The Poodle asks, "So she brought you here to put to sleep?"

"Oh, no...., I'm just here to get my nails trimmed!"

Great joke Pranav.:laugh

Some people just get confused with the term "doggy style"......

lol.:laugh:laugh

 

[pcfan123]

Slightly off topic, but I find bestiality very extremely weird. I mean I have no idea how some people can be turned on by it

It has to be some sort of chemical imbalance in the brain or they are feck ugly.

 

[SciD]

Hey guys keep the jokes clean.

 

[pcfan123]

Lol are you new to this thread? Pranav's joke was very clean compared to some you can find just a few pages back

 

[SciD]

Lol are you new to this thread? Pranav's joke was very clean compared to some you can find just a few pages back

That's why I am posting it again to keep this thread clean and running.

Do you guys want a best joke of the week competition?

 

[Gurjot95]

And what will be prize? A user title of Best Joker?

 

[SciD]

"The Joker"

More than title I think VCash will do.

 

[Gurjot95]

Tournament won't work long, I'm afraid. Competition is made to judge people talent and I doubt any user make their own jokes here. They all will probably copy the jokes.

 

[SciD]

99% jokes are copy and paste so yes. I have 2 in mind:

1. Members send their jokes to me via PM and I post them without revealing whose the owner and then we have poll.
2. We put up a question and see who comes up with most funniest or wittiest answer.