The Jokes Thread

[Pranav]

Haha Themer, your last few have been quality!

 

[AkshayS]

My mate asked me if I saw the England goal.

Unfortunately I missed it, I was too busy refereeing the match.

great, loved this one.:laugh:laugh:laugh

Certainly the best in last few pages.

 

[Chetan0304]

Why he is banned?

He posted pirated software download links in his VM profile.

 

[ARay]

Why he is banned?

Because hes trying to get close to certain members in a different way.

 

[Varun]

Why he is banned?

Torturing members with his nasty VMs and PMs.:sarcasm

 

[Varun]

The England team went to an orphanage in South Africa this morning.
"Its so good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope , constantly struggling and facing the impossible" said Jamal Omboto, aged 6.



The FA have launched an inquiry to find out how a fan found his way into the dressing room. And another enquiry into how Aaron Lennon found his way into the dressing room.

 

[pcfan123]

^ the 1st one is mint, reps

 

[SciD]

Why do people say "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day?

 

[Themer]

Some say that footballers deserve their ludicrous wages, others say that soldiers deserve the money instead.

It really makes you think, isn't there some way people who pass their GCSEs could have it?

 

[BKB1991]

Nice Themer, and I agree.

 

[darthlewis1]

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

 

[Themer]

I just want Americans to know that we British aren't as ignorant to their culture as you think.

Happy 3rd of July by the way.

 

[Gaurav_7]

Ha ha ha. :laugh

 

[pcfan123]

:laugh

To be fare though the resolution of independence was actually approved on the 2nd of July, it was only declared on the 4th

There is even a famous quote from John Adams where he says the 2nd of July will be the most famous date in American history

 

[Biggy]

There's this new powder form of viagra. You're supposed to mix it in with your coffee. Doesn't do much for your erection, but it stops your biscuit from going soggy.