The Jokes Thread

Is wittiest/funniest answer competition a good idea?


  • Total voters
    16
  • Poll closed .
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ”Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ”The driver just insulted me!” The man says: ”You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
 
One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants.

The man says "Oh just a beer".

The bartender asked the man "Whats wrong,why are you so down today?".

The man said "My wife and i got into a fight,and she said she wouldn't talk to me for a month".

The bartender said "So whats wrong with that"?

The man said "Well the month is up tonight".
 
1 - Pass with Fabregas
2 - Shoot with Diego Costa
3 - GOAL !
4 - Arsenal
5 - Celebrate and repeat
 
One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants.

The man says "Oh just a beer".

The bartender asked the man "Whats wrong,why are you so down today?".

The man said "My wife and i got into a fight,and she said she wouldn't talk to me for a month".

The bartender said "So whats wrong with that"?

The man said "Well the month is up tonight".
Ha ha nice one eh.
 
Ali: Man I was listening to music in restaurant and really had to pass gas.
Hafeez: Then?
Ali: Music was loud so I did it.
Hafeez: So?
Ali: I realized I was listening to my ipod.

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Son in office and calls his dad.

Son: Dad windows isnt opening.
Dad: No problem son use oil it will open.

Son did not answer and then Dad called in tension

Dad: What happened?
Son: Leave windows now laptop isnt even working.
 
A man walking with his kids gives his kid a shopper full of tomatoes. One tomato felt down and son was going to pick it up the father said:
"Never pick up the fallen thing."
Next day he went out with his mom where his mom felt down and his mom said:
"Give me hand now!"
The son answered:
"Dad said not to pick up a fallen thing".
( The joke isn't made by me)
 

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