The Jokes Thread

[El Loco]

everyone needed to be reminded of how good it is

Gotta say the time I took out to read that was defenitely worth it

 

[Kashif567]

Hey guys... No joke today only Jokes today.

 

[ethybubs]

A man walking with his kids gives his kid a shopper full of tomatoes. One tomato felt down and son was going to pick it up the father said:
"Never pick up the fallen thing."
Next day he went out with his mom where his mom felt down and his mom said:
"Give me hand now!"
The son answered:
"Dad said not to pick up a fallen thing".
( The joke isn't made by me)

This one has reminded me of my favourite joke:

Three tomatoes are walking along, a mother tomato, a father tomato and a little baby tomato. The baby tomato starts to lag behind so the father tomato walks back and squishes him, and says "ketchup".

(Courtesy of 'fox force five'.)

 

[blockerdave]

why did the boy fall off the swing?

because he was dead.

 

[El Loco]

Dalai Lama rings up to order a Pizza and asks "Can you make me one with everything?"

 

[A.R123 Max]

You can't count this as a joke butt....
That moment when you feel a chewing gum while walking and after sometime you see a chewing gum under your foot wear.
Your reaction: Who on Earth spits outside bins. And after sometime you spit chewing gum outside bin and say "Like a boss"

 

[Na Maloom Afraad]

Yesterday, I was offered the main role in an advertisement for a super strong adhesive, in return, I was being offered s*x with the director of that advertisement instead of money, she was super hot. But, I refused. Because my will is as strong as the new Samad Bond, now available in pocket pack of Rs. 5 only.

 

[A.R123 Max]

That moment when you realize that you were trying to hide your friends thing to scare him that its lost and he is right behind you.

 

[Na Maloom Afraad]

Okay...

Once, an old farmer entered his donkey in a race and one it.

Next day's newspaper read "The Farmer with the fastest Ass"

The King was so upset with this kind of publicity that He ordered his Men to buy that donkey.

Next day's newspaper read "King buys a Farmer's Ass"

The King got angry as hell, but the queen started liking that donkey. So the King gifted that Donkey to the Queen.

Next day's newspaper read "King gifts his Ass to the Queen"

Next day, the donkey went missing.

The King ordered his Men to kill that Donkey, but the Donkey went missing. It was reported by a citizen that He saw the Donkey run into the Jungle.

Next day's newspaper read "Queen's Ass lost in the Bushes"

The King hanged himself to death.

 

[AliB]

Okay...

Once, an old farmer entered his donkey in a race and one it.

Next day's newspaper read "The Farmer with the fastest Ass"

The King was so upset with this kind of publicity that He ordered his Men to buy that donkey.

Next day's newspaper read "King buys a Farmer's Ass"

The King got angry as hell, but the queen started liking that donkey. So the King gifted that Donkey to the Queen.

Next day's newspaper read "King gifts his Ass to the Queen"

Next day, the donkey went missing.

The King ordered his Men to kill that Donkey, but the Donkey went missing. It was reported by a citizen that He saw the Donkey run into the Jungle.

Next day's newspaper read "Queen's Ass lost in the Bushes"

The King hanged himself to death.

 

[Ohm]

Q.4. (i) "Question padhke tujhe zaroor lagega ke dusre subject ka question hai"

 

[Sami Kumar]

STUDENT: Sir, can I ask a question?
TEACHER: Yes!
STUDENT: How can one put an elephant
inside the
fridge?
TEACHER: I don't know.
STUDENT: It's easy, you just open the fridge
and put
it in there. I have another question!
TEACHER: Ok, ask.
STUDENT: How can one put a donkey inside
the
fridge?
TEACHER: It's easy, you just open the fridge
and put
it in there.
STUDENT: No sir, you just open the fridge
take out
the elephant and put it in there
TEACHER: Ooh... ok!
STUDENT: If all the animals went to the lion's
birthday party with one animal missing,
which
animal would it be?
TEACHER: The lion of course because it
would eat all
the animals.
STUDENT: No sir, it's the donkey because it's
still
inside the fridge.
TEACHER: Are you kidding me?
STUDENT: No sir, one more last question.
TEACHER: Ok!
STUDENT: If there's a river of crocodiles and
you
want to cross, how would you?
TEACHER: There's no way, I would need a
ladder to
cross. STUDENT: No sir, you just swim and
cross it
because all the animals went to the lion's
birthday
party.

 

[CerealKiller]

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the boundary. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbour. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbour says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbour to take her seat?’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral'.

 

[AliB]

Posted two in some or the other thread.

 

[imVkohli]

I secretly have crush on a girl.

I made her laugh on serious topic and she said, "Are you a joker ?"

And I said,"Hello, Harley"