Chetan0304
Chairman of Selectors
Son-"Dad,how much it cost too get married?"
Dad-"i don't know son i m still paying"
Dad-"i don't know son i m still paying"
The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter scorpion_rulezz
- Start date
Pranav
ICC Board Member
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2007
- Location
- New Delhi, India
Nice
Benno
Club Cricketer
Man who walk thru swinging door is going to Bangkok...
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have alzheimers
Mary had a little lamb.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have alzheimers
Mary had a little lamb.
kamrandahir
Club Cricketer
Microsoft vs. GM
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal."
Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement, "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"
And...
1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.
7. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say, "Are you sure?" before going off.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal."
Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement, "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"
And...
1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.
7. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say, "Are you sure?" before going off.
kamrandahir
Club Cricketer
1. Psychiatrists say that one of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it.
2. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
3. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
4. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
5. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
6. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
7. If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.
8. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
10. Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
11. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
12. Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid, too.
13. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on your way.
14. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
15. Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
16. Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
17. A .44 Magnum beats four aces.
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10 Things Not to Say to a GirlFriend's Parents The First Time You Meet Them
1. My parole officer thinks Teri has a calming effect on me.
2. Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday?
3. Which one of you taught Monica to give such great head?
4. Can you believe it those shitheads at the corner market won't cash my welfare check!
5. We're going to keep our relationship quiet for now, my wife can be rather vindictive at times.
6. Those home pregnancy kits aren't very reliable in my opinion.
7. Angie is so pretty I've decided to give up being bisexual just for her.
8. Nice place you've got here, that painting looks expensive, I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn't it?
9. There ain't nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative! I bet Monica's will be okay too.
10. Can I put my car in your garage? I'm not sure how long that cop car will stay lost...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2 pshycologists met each other in a street one day.
One said to the other, "You're good today, how am I?
2. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
3. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
4. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
5. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
6. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
7. If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.
8. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
10. Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
11. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
12. Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid, too.
13. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on your way.
14. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
15. Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
16. Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
17. A .44 Magnum beats four aces.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10 Things Not to Say to a GirlFriend's Parents The First Time You Meet Them
1. My parole officer thinks Teri has a calming effect on me.
2. Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday?
3. Which one of you taught Monica to give such great head?
4. Can you believe it those shitheads at the corner market won't cash my welfare check!
5. We're going to keep our relationship quiet for now, my wife can be rather vindictive at times.
6. Those home pregnancy kits aren't very reliable in my opinion.
7. Angie is so pretty I've decided to give up being bisexual just for her.
8. Nice place you've got here, that painting looks expensive, I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn't it?
9. There ain't nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative! I bet Monica's will be okay too.
10. Can I put my car in your garage? I'm not sure how long that cop car will stay lost...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2 pshycologists met each other in a street one day.
One said to the other, "You're good today, how am I?
Last edited:
Of course one of the biggest Ricky Ponting jokes there is, is that he is the "Australian Captain".
Below are some more.
Ricky Ponting Jokes
Q1 How can you tell if a Ricky Ponting's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if Ricky Ponting used the computer again?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
Q: Do you know why Ricky Ponting got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from Ricky Ponting?
A: There is a stamp on it.
A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a mobile phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. Ricky Ponting rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!" The officer looks at him, then says, "Sir, that's your air freshener."
Ricky Ponting was driving down the highway to Disneyland when he saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT".
After thinking for a minute, he said to himself "oh well !" and turned around and drove home.
On his way home he drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES".
By the time he drove eight miles, he had cleaned 43 restrooms.
Q: What does Ricky Ponting say when you ask him if his car indicator is working?
A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?
A: Ricky Ponting going through a flashing red light.
Q: How did Ricky Ponting break his leg raking leaves?
A: He fell out of the tree.
Q: What did the Ricky Ponting say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q: How did Ricky Ponting try to kill the bird?
A: He threw it off a cliff.
Q: How does Ricky Ponting kill a fish?
A: He drowns it.
Q: How does Ricky Ponting kill a worm?
A: He bury's it.
Ricky Ponting was walking through the woods when he looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." then thought to himself "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." he kept thinking and thinking and one half hour later he was run over by a train.
Q: What does Ricky Ponting and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
There was a man outside mowing his lawn. He lived next store to Ricky Ponting who had just gotten a computer. Ricky Ponting went out to his mailbox to check the mail and went back in. After he had done that 10 times the guy asked him why he kept coming back out side and he said my computer keeps telling me I have mail.
One day Ricky Ponting decided to go ice fishing. So he packed up all his gear and headed for the nearest pond he could find. When he got there he started to cut a hole in the ice. Suddenly he heard a booming voice."There are no fish under the ice."
Surprised he turned around and saw no one. So he went back to cutting the hole. The booming voice popped in again,"There are no fish under the ice!"
Again he turned around and saw no one. So he asked "Is that god?"
The booming voice said,"No this is the Ice Rink Manager."
How to keep Ricky Ponting occupied:
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What do you do when Ricky Ponting throws a pin at you?
Run!!
He's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
Q. How do you know Ricky Ponting has been using a dishwasher?
A.It's clogged up with paper plates.
When Ricky Ponting was at school he recieved an assignment from his special ed. science teacher. The assignment was what will happen after you pull all of the legs off of a grasshopper. So the ponting says jump grasshopper jump. And the grasshopper jumped. So he pulled off one leg and said jump grasshopper jump. And the grasshopper jumped. So he does this until he got down to the last leg. So he pulled it off. Then he said jump grasshopper jump. And the grasshopper didn't jump. so he wrote down on his piece of paper.
"They lose their hearing"
Ricky Ponting was sick of people making fun of his. So he decided to prove to all people that was not as dumb as what they think he is.
He studied all the capitals of the United States ALL night long. He didn't even rest one bit. The next day, he spotted a couple a guys sitting down and walked up to them and he said," I bet you I can name all the capitals of the United States," and he said, "OK", "What is the capital of California?"
Ponting replied, " that's easy "C"
A man once hired Ricky Ponting to paint stripes down a road, but he has to keep the contract and do at least four miles each day. The first day, Ponting does 8 miles. The boss is extremely impressed. The second day he does 4 miles. The boss is somewhat impressed, but not as much as before. The third day, he does two miles. The boss thinks he is just having a bad day, so he still lets him keep the job. The fourth day, Ponting only does 1 mile. The boss asks, "You were doing so well before. Why aren't you doing well now?!" Ricky Ponting replies, "I can't get far because each day I'm getting further and further away from the bucket."
Ricky Ponting goes to Florida for some alligator boots. No matter which store he goes to, he can't find the boots. A few days later a manager of one of the stores is driving home at night and sees Ponting knee-deep in a swamp. All around him, alligators are lying belly-up. The manager stops and watches Ponting. Suddenly, Ponting grabs an alligator, wrestles it, and turns it over. He looks at its feet and says, "Damn! This one isn't wearing boots either!"
Why doesn't Ricky Ponting know how to write the number "11"?
He Doesn't know which "1" comes first!
Ricky Ponting was walking on the opposite of the river from another man.
The other man yells across to ponting, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?"
Ricky Ponting hesitates, looks back and replies, "You ARE on the other side!"
Q:How did Ricky Ponting end up in hospital while drinking milk?
A:The cow fell on him.
Ricky Ponting walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. Ponting looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. He returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind Ponting and watches his antics for a few minutes before stopping him and asking if someone else could have a go. Ricky Ponting spins around and shouts: "Can't you see I'm winning?!"
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry ... we still have one engine left." Ricky Ponting who was a passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
Q: What do you call a pimple on Ricky Ponting's butt?
A: Brain Tumor
Q. How do you measure Ricky Ponting's I.Q.?
A. With a tire gauge.
Q. What's one way that you can confuse Ricky Ponting?
A. You give him a bag of M&M's and tell him to alphabetize them!
Q. How do you know Ricky Ponting has been using the computer?
A. There is cheese in front of the mouse!
Q. What do you call a fly, flying in Ricky Ponting's head?
A. A space invader.
Q. How do you know when Ricky Ponting is making chocolate cookies?
A. There are M&M shells all over the place.
Q. Why did Ricky Ponting climb over the glass wall?
A. To see what was on the other side.
Ricky Ponting's TERMINOLOGY
Anally -- occurring yearly
Artery -- study of paintings
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarian section -- district in Rome
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- sheep dog
Coma -- a punctuation mark
Congenital -- friendly
D&C -- where Washington is
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
Dilate -- to live long
Enema -- not a friend
Fester -- quicker
Fibula -- a small lie
Genital -- non-Jewish
G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- suitcase
Hangnail -- coat hook
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
Labour pain -- got hurt at work
Medical staff -- doctor's cane
Morbid -- higher offer
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
Node -- was aware of
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
Pap smear -- fatherhood test
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- letter carrier
Protein -- favouring young people
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- amorous
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- study of knighthood
Tablet -- small table
Terminal Illness -- sickness at airport
Tibia -- country in North Africa
Tumor -- an extra pair
Urine -- opposite of you're out
Varicose -- located nearby
Vein -- conceited
Below are some more.
Ricky Ponting Jokes
Q1 How can you tell if a Ricky Ponting's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if Ricky Ponting used the computer again?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
Q: Do you know why Ricky Ponting got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from Ricky Ponting?
A: There is a stamp on it.
A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a mobile phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. Ricky Ponting rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!" The officer looks at him, then says, "Sir, that's your air freshener."
Ricky Ponting was driving down the highway to Disneyland when he saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT".
After thinking for a minute, he said to himself "oh well !" and turned around and drove home.
On his way home he drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES".
By the time he drove eight miles, he had cleaned 43 restrooms.
Q: What does Ricky Ponting say when you ask him if his car indicator is working?
A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?
A: Ricky Ponting going through a flashing red light.
Q: How did Ricky Ponting break his leg raking leaves?
A: He fell out of the tree.
Q: What did the Ricky Ponting say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q: How did Ricky Ponting try to kill the bird?
A: He threw it off a cliff.
Q: How does Ricky Ponting kill a fish?
A: He drowns it.
Q: How does Ricky Ponting kill a worm?
A: He bury's it.
Ricky Ponting was walking through the woods when he looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." then thought to himself "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." he kept thinking and thinking and one half hour later he was run over by a train.
Q: What does Ricky Ponting and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
There was a man outside mowing his lawn. He lived next store to Ricky Ponting who had just gotten a computer. Ricky Ponting went out to his mailbox to check the mail and went back in. After he had done that 10 times the guy asked him why he kept coming back out side and he said my computer keeps telling me I have mail.
One day Ricky Ponting decided to go ice fishing. So he packed up all his gear and headed for the nearest pond he could find. When he got there he started to cut a hole in the ice. Suddenly he heard a booming voice."There are no fish under the ice."
Surprised he turned around and saw no one. So he went back to cutting the hole. The booming voice popped in again,"There are no fish under the ice!"
Again he turned around and saw no one. So he asked "Is that god?"
The booming voice said,"No this is the Ice Rink Manager."
How to keep Ricky Ponting occupied:
Scroll down:
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Scroll Up
What do you do when Ricky Ponting throws a pin at you?
Run!!
He's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
Q. How do you know Ricky Ponting has been using a dishwasher?
A.It's clogged up with paper plates.
When Ricky Ponting was at school he recieved an assignment from his special ed. science teacher. The assignment was what will happen after you pull all of the legs off of a grasshopper. So the ponting says jump grasshopper jump. And the grasshopper jumped. So he pulled off one leg and said jump grasshopper jump. And the grasshopper jumped. So he does this until he got down to the last leg. So he pulled it off. Then he said jump grasshopper jump. And the grasshopper didn't jump. so he wrote down on his piece of paper.
"They lose their hearing"
Ricky Ponting was sick of people making fun of his. So he decided to prove to all people that was not as dumb as what they think he is.
He studied all the capitals of the United States ALL night long. He didn't even rest one bit. The next day, he spotted a couple a guys sitting down and walked up to them and he said," I bet you I can name all the capitals of the United States," and he said, "OK", "What is the capital of California?"
Ponting replied, " that's easy "C"
A man once hired Ricky Ponting to paint stripes down a road, but he has to keep the contract and do at least four miles each day. The first day, Ponting does 8 miles. The boss is extremely impressed. The second day he does 4 miles. The boss is somewhat impressed, but not as much as before. The third day, he does two miles. The boss thinks he is just having a bad day, so he still lets him keep the job. The fourth day, Ponting only does 1 mile. The boss asks, "You were doing so well before. Why aren't you doing well now?!" Ricky Ponting replies, "I can't get far because each day I'm getting further and further away from the bucket."
Ricky Ponting goes to Florida for some alligator boots. No matter which store he goes to, he can't find the boots. A few days later a manager of one of the stores is driving home at night and sees Ponting knee-deep in a swamp. All around him, alligators are lying belly-up. The manager stops and watches Ponting. Suddenly, Ponting grabs an alligator, wrestles it, and turns it over. He looks at its feet and says, "Damn! This one isn't wearing boots either!"
Why doesn't Ricky Ponting know how to write the number "11"?
He Doesn't know which "1" comes first!
Ricky Ponting was walking on the opposite of the river from another man.
The other man yells across to ponting, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?"
Ricky Ponting hesitates, looks back and replies, "You ARE on the other side!"
Q:How did Ricky Ponting end up in hospital while drinking milk?
A:The cow fell on him.
Ricky Ponting walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. Ponting looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. He returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind Ponting and watches his antics for a few minutes before stopping him and asking if someone else could have a go. Ricky Ponting spins around and shouts: "Can't you see I'm winning?!"
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry ... we still have one engine left." Ricky Ponting who was a passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
Q: What do you call a pimple on Ricky Ponting's butt?
A: Brain Tumor
Q. How do you measure Ricky Ponting's I.Q.?
A. With a tire gauge.
Q. What's one way that you can confuse Ricky Ponting?
A. You give him a bag of M&M's and tell him to alphabetize them!
Q. How do you know Ricky Ponting has been using the computer?
A. There is cheese in front of the mouse!
Q. What do you call a fly, flying in Ricky Ponting's head?
A. A space invader.
Q. How do you know when Ricky Ponting is making chocolate cookies?
A. There are M&M shells all over the place.
Q. Why did Ricky Ponting climb over the glass wall?
A. To see what was on the other side.
Ricky Ponting's TERMINOLOGY
Anally -- occurring yearly
Artery -- study of paintings
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarian section -- district in Rome
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- sheep dog
Coma -- a punctuation mark
Congenital -- friendly
D&C -- where Washington is
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
Dilate -- to live long
Enema -- not a friend
Fester -- quicker
Fibula -- a small lie
Genital -- non-Jewish
G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- suitcase
Hangnail -- coat hook
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
Labour pain -- got hurt at work
Medical staff -- doctor's cane
Morbid -- higher offer
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
Node -- was aware of
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
Pap smear -- fatherhood test
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- letter carrier
Protein -- favouring young people
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- amorous
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- study of knighthood
Tablet -- small table
Terminal Illness -- sickness at airport
Tibia -- country in North Africa
Tumor -- an extra pair
Urine -- opposite of you're out
Varicose -- located nearby
Vein -- conceited
Cricketdude
Chairman of Selectors
Yeh they were all blonde jokes but put Ricky Ponting on them.
According to the BBC website, 'cocaine users are getting younger'.
I have always avoided illegal narcotics but, now I've found out that they actually reverse the ageing process, I'm going to give them a bash.
- - - - - - -
Who said, "there's nothing wrong with defeat"?
Bob Marley's chiropodist
- - - - - - - - -
frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a ? 30,000 loan to take a holiday.'
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow ? 30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'
The bank manager looks back at her and says.
'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone.'
- - - - - - -
There's another good one too, but it might be offensive to people from Leeds.
I have always avoided illegal narcotics but, now I've found out that they actually reverse the ageing process, I'm going to give them a bash.
- - - - - - -
Who said, "there's nothing wrong with defeat"?
Bob Marley's chiropodist
- - - - - - - - -
frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a ? 30,000 loan to take a holiday.'
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow ? 30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'
The bank manager looks back at her and says.
'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone.'
- - - - - - -
There's another good one too, but it might be offensive to people from Leeds
.
