w3lshrugby
Panel of Selectors
mate, this is supreme. you better carry on with this story forever, definetly lightened up my day!
Story A Tortoise's Journal [C2007] - AUS 380ao (TT 145*), POMS ONLY 315ao (IB 80*)
- Thread starter tassietiger
- Start date
tassietiger
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The First Session
Punter won the toss and elected to bat, which meant that yours truly would be out at the crease, facing the first ball of the game. I was kind enough to mention this fact to Haydos, that I was brave enough to face the first ball if he was a little bit scared, luckily for me, this did the trick, and being the testosterone-filled creature he is, he decided that he would be the one to take the first ball. So this meant I would be facing the second ball, or maybe the third, depending on...nah bugger it, it?s too complicated.
As I was walking out to the crease I was given a sneaky sledge of ?Who has the Ashes?. I quickly responded with a call related to the previous 16 years in which Australia had held them, and things were getting a bit heated out there as abusive comments were being thrown left, right and centre (mainly from me though). Eventually Haydos told me to leave the spectator alone and walk through the gate.
Harmison started off in typical fashion, the second ball going for five wides, and the rest of the over being rubbish as well, leaving Australia 0/17 after 1 over, with my good self not facing a ball ? I couldn?t help but wonder if I would look like a goose if I got out for a golden duck after this start. Luckily, I lasted it out, but Haydos was showing no signs of slowing. There is a saying that goes ?A man has got to know his limitations.? To be honest, I don?t think the big Queenslander has a f***ing clue what his limitations are. His confidence was so high that he even padded away a 147km/h Harmison half volley. (as pictured) But he did bat beautifully for his 62 off 35 balls, and it was a shame when he holed out to a fielder in the deep.
It was a joy to see Punter come out, as he would be able to settle the run rate a little, as Haydos had made my 23 off 24 balls look slow. Punter and I lasted for about the same amount of time, for about half the runs, ended by him getting out to a very sharp catch at short leg for a disappointing 28. The most disappointing thing about the innings was that he got most of the 28 off Giles, meaning he still hasn?t scored many runs against Test quality bowling.
When Marto strode to the crease I did what the not-out batsman should, try and protect the new incoming batsman. So I kindly faced out the over of ?Lethal Liam Plunkett? and let him face some Flintoff fellow.
Punter won the toss and elected to bat, which meant that yours truly would be out at the crease, facing the first ball of the game. I was kind enough to mention this fact to Haydos, that I was brave enough to face the first ball if he was a little bit scared, luckily for me, this did the trick, and being the testosterone-filled creature he is, he decided that he would be the one to take the first ball. So this meant I would be facing the second ball, or maybe the third, depending on...nah bugger it, it?s too complicated.
As I was walking out to the crease I was given a sneaky sledge of ?Who has the Ashes?. I quickly responded with a call related to the previous 16 years in which Australia had held them, and things were getting a bit heated out there as abusive comments were being thrown left, right and centre (mainly from me though). Eventually Haydos told me to leave the spectator alone and walk through the gate.
Harmison started off in typical fashion, the second ball going for five wides, and the rest of the over being rubbish as well, leaving Australia 0/17 after 1 over, with my good self not facing a ball ? I couldn?t help but wonder if I would look like a goose if I got out for a golden duck after this start. Luckily, I lasted it out, but Haydos was showing no signs of slowing. There is a saying that goes ?A man has got to know his limitations.? To be honest, I don?t think the big Queenslander has a f***ing clue what his limitations are. His confidence was so high that he even padded away a 147km/h Harmison half volley. (as pictured) But he did bat beautifully for his 62 off 35 balls, and it was a shame when he holed out to a fielder in the deep.
It was a joy to see Punter come out, as he would be able to settle the run rate a little, as Haydos had made my 23 off 24 balls look slow. Punter and I lasted for about the same amount of time, for about half the runs, ended by him getting out to a very sharp catch at short leg for a disappointing 28. The most disappointing thing about the innings was that he got most of the 28 off Giles, meaning he still hasn?t scored many runs against Test quality bowling.
When Marto strode to the crease I did what the not-out batsman should, try and protect the new incoming batsman. So I kindly faced out the over of ?Lethal Liam Plunkett? and let him face some Flintoff fellow.
Last edited:
tassietiger
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Forever? That's a bit of a stretch. To be honest, I'll be lucky to last until the third Test in Adelaide. I plan to finish the series, but I'm sure it'll get boring eventually. Having fun writing it at the moment though.w3lshrugby said:
surendar
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Tortoise got rid of the duck 
Aussies looking good at the moment!
Aussies looking good at the moment!
plympilgrim
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wow he makes it past a duck...
great pres tassie and really funny too
great pres tassie and really funny too
Jaztheman
Chairman of Selectors
well done tassie quite humorous and he has got passed 0 
but not half century
but not half century
D
Deleted member 13648
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:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl:rtfltassietiger said:
This is amazing mate! Laugh a minute stuff!
GrayNicolls
School Cricketer
Brilliant for Tortoise. 
Loving the fight witht he spectator.
Loving the fight witht he spectator.
tassietiger
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When we got back out there, our partnership lasted about 9 overs and included a half-century for me, which was a great effort considering they had a typically tight-arsed ring field that I struggled to break through at first. Luckily I found a safe method for pushing several members of the ring out a bit. (as pictured below) Marto ended the partnership with a gentle spoon to cover due to him playing the shot several hours before the ball got to him.
Next in was the other youngster in the team, Michael Clarke. The New South Wales metrosexual played a couple of gorgeous cover drives early, but got a little too impatient, trying to slog sweep a Liam Plunkett ball on a good length and the ball ballooned up to Matthew Hoggard. Pup would be disappointed with his innings, as he was pretty keen to consolidate his spot in the team. I was ecstatic with him getting out, as it meant I would probably keep my place in the team even if Langer or Symo came back into the next Test. Admittedly, I shouldn?t have yelled this out as he was walking off the ground, but you win some and you lose some, I suppose.
Huss and I were doing a reasonable job, and I thought that I could chance my arm and play a few more aggressive shots. Unfortunately, I had a bit of extra responsibility thrown back on to me, with Huss and Gilly getting out in quick succession, leaving me to bat with Warney. I went back to plodding away, with no extravagant shots, and subsequently brought up my century in 141 balls. Another positive that I found in getting a century is that the camera gave me a much-needed close-up so I could show off my new beard.
I ended up lasting to the tea break, after watching another wicket tumble, this time the wicket of Shane Keith Warne. Getting out at such a bad time was one thing, but the fact that he gave Ashley Giles a wicket was quite another. Warney is a man that is used to walking off the ground to a standing ovation. In this case, he walked off the ground to a rolling ovation, as everyone was rolling around pissing themselves laughing at him.
Next in was the other youngster in the team, Michael Clarke. The New South Wales metrosexual played a couple of gorgeous cover drives early, but got a little too impatient, trying to slog sweep a Liam Plunkett ball on a good length and the ball ballooned up to Matthew Hoggard. Pup would be disappointed with his innings, as he was pretty keen to consolidate his spot in the team. I was ecstatic with him getting out, as it meant I would probably keep my place in the team even if Langer or Symo came back into the next Test. Admittedly, I shouldn?t have yelled this out as he was walking off the ground, but you win some and you lose some, I suppose.
Huss and I were doing a reasonable job, and I thought that I could chance my arm and play a few more aggressive shots. Unfortunately, I had a bit of extra responsibility thrown back on to me, with Huss and Gilly getting out in quick succession, leaving me to bat with Warney. I went back to plodding away, with no extravagant shots, and subsequently brought up my century in 141 balls. Another positive that I found in getting a century is that the camera gave me a much-needed close-up so I could show off my new beard.
I ended up lasting to the tea break, after watching another wicket tumble, this time the wicket of Shane Keith Warne. Getting out at such a bad time was one thing, but the fact that he gave Ashley Giles a wicket was quite another. Warney is a man that is used to walking off the ground to a standing ovation. In this case, he walked off the ground to a rolling ovation, as everyone was rolling around pissing themselves laughing at him.
tassietiger
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The Third Session
We went back out there with aggressive intent, which became clear as I blocked away Giles, making it a maiden over straight away. But Binga wasn?t so kind to Giles, smashing a few fours off him, which was clearly making him frustrated. I may have accidentally slipped in a comment about him being an ungrateful ******* who is lucky to be playing any higher than third grade club cricket, but that isn?t important now, that is for the match referee to think about after the match.
Giles got his revenge, though, with the wheely bin ripping through two more members of our tail in Binga and Sarfraz. Warney was understandably ticked off by nobody laughing at Giles? second two victims, but it was more the shock that prevented people from laughing.
Glenn McGrath came out firing, playing all the shots in the book in his innings. Unfortunately he didn?t incorporate the ball into any of his shots, giving him an honourable duck, and leaving me the not out batsman on 145. I would be bothered by it normally, but it only further secures my spot in Adelaide, so I?m happy with it. My 145, Haydos? 62 and extras? 51 were the main contributors to our final score of 380 ao.
The best thing about our aggressive innings was that it gave us a chance to have a crack at the English before the end of the day. Binga did just this, trapping Trescothick plumb in front, which was a surprise as we were all suggesting that Tresco would get out ?retired emotionally scarred?. Unfortunately the left-handed South African and the captain who always looks like he is crying lasted out the rest of the day, leaving England on a swashbuckling 1/35 off 19.
We went back out there with aggressive intent, which became clear as I blocked away Giles, making it a maiden over straight away. But Binga wasn?t so kind to Giles, smashing a few fours off him, which was clearly making him frustrated. I may have accidentally slipped in a comment about him being an ungrateful ******* who is lucky to be playing any higher than third grade club cricket, but that isn?t important now, that is for the match referee to think about after the match.
Giles got his revenge, though, with the wheely bin ripping through two more members of our tail in Binga and Sarfraz. Warney was understandably ticked off by nobody laughing at Giles? second two victims, but it was more the shock that prevented people from laughing.
Glenn McGrath came out firing, playing all the shots in the book in his innings. Unfortunately he didn?t incorporate the ball into any of his shots, giving him an honourable duck, and leaving me the not out batsman on 145. I would be bothered by it normally, but it only further secures my spot in Adelaide, so I?m happy with it. My 145, Haydos? 62 and extras? 51 were the main contributors to our final score of 380 ao.
The best thing about our aggressive innings was that it gave us a chance to have a crack at the English before the end of the day. Binga did just this, trapping Trescothick plumb in front, which was a surprise as we were all suggesting that Tresco would get out ?retired emotionally scarred?. Unfortunately the left-handed South African and the captain who always looks like he is crying lasted out the rest of the day, leaving England on a swashbuckling 1/35 off 19.
mattfb
Chairman of Selectors
HAHAHA! this is a great stroy, loving it
madmick96
Club Cricketer
luving this funny stuff cant wait 4 more
Short Leg
International Cricketer
Fantastic innings by E. Xtras putting on 3rd top score there. I thought he was out of form but he seems to always get amongst the runs when England is envolved. T Tortoise was ok to i guess with a more ass then class 145 and it's good to see the wheely bin tag still firmly on Giles as well. Top story mate
surendar
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Tortoise played an crucial role...great! It will be interesting to see his funny stuffs in the field distracting the batsman may be
Top Story mate
It will be interesting to see his funny stuffs in the field distracting the batsman may be Top Story mate
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