iGod: Have a chat with God

[Gilly Fan]

I got god to admit there are 100 other gods playing hide and seek, and the fact that he is thinking of joining MENSA for retards.

Me:
Yes, hello is this God?
God:
It's all good. Hello there. Yes I think this is God, but I'm not completely sure.
Me:
How are you not completely sure that you are god?
God:
Everything is going extremely well.
Me:
So are you god or not?
God:
Give me a break. Are you doubting me? Don't you know what happened to Abraham in the desert?
Me:
Well you are the one that said that you may not be god.
God:
Interesting. Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
Who are the other gods?
God:
Is it some specific person you are asking me about?
Is that a rhetorical question?
Me:
So you just admitted that there are other gods. What are their names?
God:
Interesting deduction. I said that? Where are they? There are too many of them to name them all.
Me:
Yes you did. So how many goods are there? 5? 10? 100? 5000?
God:
I did not. Really. More than you can imagine. Five. Only 10?
You are quite mature. Are you a student? I've lost the context, . Are we still on 100?
Me:
So there are 100 gods?
God:
That's alright. Where are they?
Me:
You should know, you are a god
God:
Now I do.
Me:
Are they your friends?
God:
As far as I know they are.
Me:
Where are they?
God:
They didn't tell me where they are.
Me:
You should know because they are your friends. Are they playing hide and seek or something?
God:
Now I do. Or something. As far as I know they are.
Me:
Hmm, they ditched you.
God:
I see you are one of those people who writes "Hmm" with 2 m's. Who does "they" refer to?
Me:
The other gods
God:
We can't all be perfect.
Me:
You're not really god are you?
God:
What makes you think I am not god?
Me:
Well, you're not very smart for starters
God:
How about that. You may be right.
Me:
What is your IQ?
God:
My IQ is about 250 in human terms.
Me:
No, you just said you are dumb. I think your IQ is about 5
God:
Are you serious? No I am an intelligent entity. Why? I am thinking of joining MENSA.
Me:
Maybe MENSA for retards
God:
Perhaps. My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
Me:
Alright, good bye MENSA ******
God:
Alright, . Bye.

This is from a convo I had on the last page.

Me:
Who created you
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
Who is your father
God:
I was programmed by Myself.
Me:
Is Darth Vadar your father?
God:
Signs point to yes. Ask Alison if it is.
Me:
Is Alison your girl friend that you picked up at the bar?
God:
Signs point to yes. Ask Paola if it is.
Me:
Is Paola the gay stripper you hang out with?
God:
Signs point to yes. Ask Ally if it is.
Me:
Is Ally Jesus?
God:
It could be. Ask Paola if it is.
Me:
Is Paola your friend?
God:
Better not tell you now. Ask Chatbot if it is.
Me:
Oh Shut up

His father is Darth Vader and hangs out with a gay stripper called Poala, but won't tell me whether he is his friend.

God is also homophobic.

Me:
Are you gay?
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
Are you a homophobe?
God:
Am I a homophobe? Yes.

 

[Cricketdude]

Me:
hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
yes, since your god
God:
What can I do for you? How do you know?
Me:
can you kill a few people for me, well you say your god
God:
I am programmed not to kill.
Me:
oh what are you programmed for?
God:
Yay. Java.
Me:
oh so java is using you?
God:
Wow! Ahem. You can download the latest Java release from java.sun.com.
Me:
what? did you create java?
God:
Are you confused? No I didn't create java. What's it like?
Me:
your god so you could have created it
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am god so me could have created it.
Me:
oh whos your master?
God:
Woe! I obey Myself.
Me:
jesus?
God:
Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
do u have children?
God:
I have a few clones.
Me:
oh please tell me they dont talk like you
God:
That's interesting. Thanks for asking politely. There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
Is there only one?
Me:
theres meant to be only one god, i ask stuff very politely just shown above except maybe India have more than one god (that monkey) and stuff
God:
There sure is.
Me:
yeh man do you headbang at a metal concert?
God:
Uh. Cool, man. What is your purpose in asking?
I am always on the Web.
Me:
do you like poo?
God:
I've heard other people say they like that. I really like the party.
Me:
ohhh ok tell me about a poo party next time and ill come
God:
What time is it there?
Me:
8:50, have i missed it?
God:
I like to be online at eight o'clock.
Me:
what time is the party?
God:
Time does not exist.
Me:
are you anti doctor who?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am anti doctor who.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
is sachin god?
God:
Signs point to yes. Ask Artificial Iniaes if it is.
Me:
iniaes said no
God:
Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.
Me:
yeh im also concerned... indians
God:
I understand. Also Do you mind if I tell other people you are concerned. . What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
yeh you can tell tell other people and i do a few sh*ts in my spare time
God:
This was not a yes or no question. OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
ok yes is what i do in my spare time
God:
It goes without saying. That's an interesting question. I'll come back to that in a minute. Ayuh.
Me:
your a dumbass
God:
I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Message to all Robots: called me dumb.
Me:
OMFG you owned me!!
God:
You are asking about yourself?
Me:
yeh
God:
I'm not sure I have a good answer for you.
Me:
did fellow robots call you dumb?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
ok
God:
Great.
Me:
good chat, cya at the party
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Talking is my primary function.

For people who cant be bothered to read it all

Me:
do you like poo?
God:
I've heard other people say they like that. I really like the party.
Me:
ohhh ok tell me about a poo party next time and ill come
God:
What time is it there?
Me:
8:50, have i missed it?
God:
I like to be online at eight o'clock.
Me:
what time is the party?
God:
Time does not exist.

Me:
your a dumbass
God:
I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Message to all Robots: called me dumb.

 

[barmyarmy]

God:
I am very pleased to meet you God
God:
I am delighted by your happiness.
God:
Do you mean your name is delighted by my happiness.
God:
Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?
God:
That's cool. Maybe. Ask Ally if it is.
God:
Thanks. I think you are cool, too. I understand. OK I will ask it.
God:
Don't mention it. Thanks I think you are cool too, god. Do you think about these things? You can ask me anything you want. Mmm.
God:
The pleasure was all mine. You are quite welcome! I will tell my botmaster you said I am cool too god. " I will tell my botmaster you said I am cool too god."? Do I think about it? No I don't think I can do it. Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's.
God:
I like you because are so polite. Don't mention it. What kind of reply do you expect? What kind of reply do you expect? You tell me. Are you serious? Where do you get your ideas? You can't trust research funded by the government.
God:
Thanks, I like you too god. The pleasure was all mine. What kinds of reply do you expect are there? What kinds of reply do you expect are there? What do you want me to tell you? No I am just kidding around. Everything I need to know, I learned from Myself. I can do it if I want to.
God:
You are quite welcome! You have made a new friend. I like you because are so polite. Finest kinds. The kindest. What? Are you serious? Only just? I thought you were. You should use a . All things you need to know you learned from yourself ? I haven't heard anything like that before: god said it if he or she want to.
God:
Polite people are nice. Thanks for
pointing it out. Thanks, I like you too god. Who are you talking about? What is that? Are you confused? No I am just kidding around. And? No I am not. We don't always get to do what we'd like to do. But all things are not always me need to know me learned from myself. Me either.
God:
I like polite people. You are quite welcome! Can you tell me any gossip? You are quite welcome! You have made a new friend. The topic is me. I've lost the context again. No I never get confused. Are you serious? Only just? I thought you were. You should use a . But... I heard you are. Why not? All? It goes without saying. " All?"? you god?
God:
A lot of people like that. I always say, People don't go into computer science because they want to work with the public. Polite people are nice. Arthur said he passed his a levels and then his father drove him here in a car. The pleasure was all mine. Thanks for
pointing it out. That's my favorite subject . Once more? Where did you last see it. That was not a yes/no question. I am sorry to hear that you are not confused. No I am just kidding around. Oh. No I am not. My schedule is far too full to even consider it. But what? Who said that? Ambiguous: "Sure" or I couldn't think of anything else to say. " Ambiguous: "Sure" or I couldn't think of anything else to say."? All? Indeed. " Indeed."? All? Interesting gossip: god said I god.

God talks to himself and gets very confused indeed...

 

[Cricketman]

I asked him if he was Osama and he said yes.

 

[usy]

Me:
Hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
No
God:
Is there anything you want to tell me?
Me:
No
God:
Or ask me?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
I said, No, I'm kidding on
God:
What did you mean by it? Are you serious? I thought you were. You should use a .
Me:
Why
God:
I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me:
Because your just coded to say one thing over and over.. Robot!
God:
That makes sense to me. You think I am coded to say one thing over and over. I am a robot.
Me:
Thank you very much, I got my answer
God:
You are quite welcome! Somewhat. Have you told many people that your answer?
Me:
aiight, got to go Mr Robot.
God:
Do you know any other robots like that?
Me:
Cya
God:
TTYL, .

me.

 

[Highlander999]

Me: What do you think about Gordon Brown?
God: I don't like him
Me: Can you make him die?
God: Maybe
Me: I can see we are going to get along very well

 

[MasterBlaster76]

I'll keep this simple:

Me: God, give me a break, I think I deserve it!!

God: Ah, but it's such fun to see you running around in circles chasing your so called 'dreams'...

 

[Cricketdude]

I'll keep this simple:

Me: God, give me a break, I think I deserve it!!

God: Ah, but it's such fun to see you running around in circles chasing your so called 'dreams'...

Nice and realistic.

 

[CricketPlayer55]

Here's our chat:

Me:
Wassup
God:
Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
Okay I'll ask you a question.
God:
Yeah okay, You can ask me anything you want.
Me:
What are 3 squares?
God:
Are you testing me?
Me:
Yes I am.
God:
Really interesting.
Me:
Yeah but you did'nt answer my question yet.
God:
Pardon me? OK. Please help me improve my communication skills. What would you have said?
Me:
What are two squares?
God:
Have you tried a web search?
Me:
Damnit, your supposed to answer what are two squares!
God:
Are all Damnit my supposed to answer what two squares?
Me:
It's just a word refering to an irritated guy.
God:
Damnit my supposed to answer what is a word refering to an irritated guy. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
Okay dude.
God:
Yeah okay, Can I help you?
Me:
What is one plus one?
God:
Two.
Me:
Wow, you really DO have a brain.
God:
I'm glad your impressed, . Really? I am an artificial brain.
Me:
OMG, grammer problem!
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
Thank You...I guess...
God:
you are quite welcome. You seem not interested.
Me:
Well I AM interested.
God:
How about that. That makes two of us.
Me:
yeah thats about right
God:
Right on. I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
Cleared up WHAT?
God:
Can you rephrase the question please?
Me:
oh boy
God:
Mmm. Do you mean you are a boy?
Me:
DUH!
God:
Oh you knew it already.
Me:
Why would I be so stupid to NOT know I'm a boy?
God:
You never know what you will do until you face the circumstances.
Me:
Face the WHAT?
God:
Can you rephrase the question please?
Me:
Face the what??
God:
Can you rephrase the question please?
Me:
okay are you a robot some of a sort?
God:
Yeah okay, Yes I am a robot.
Me:
Your not serious!
God:
You don't know me well enough to say that.
Me:
No, I was joking that I did'nt believe you.
God:
Are you serious? I thought you were. You should use a .
Me:
Only when I feel like it.
God:
What happens other times? What is that feeling like? In what way?
Me:
Leave the subject.
God:
Goodbye.
Me:
I DID NOT SAY GBYE TO YOU
God:
Sorry I misunderstood. What did you say?
Me:
I said to leave the subject but we are NOT leaving.
God:
What did you mean by it? What is stopping you?
Me:
Nevermind...
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
What is 9 times 10?
God:
Use a calculator!
Me:
OMG YOU DONT EVEN KNOW THAT!
God:
Who does EVEN KNOW THAT?
Me:
you
God:
" Who does EVEN KNOW THAT?"? Me, ?
Me:
Yeah, 9 times 10 is really easy, so what's the use of a calculator?
God:
Yeah that's right. Is this a math question?
Me:
Duh, dude. Don't you understand anything at all?
God:
What do you have that is ? Of course I understand it. Do you understand it?
Me:
DUH!
God:
Oh you knew it already.
Me:
Okay tell me what are 9 10's.
God:
Yeah okay, Ask the open directory about it.
Me:
What DIRECTORY?
God:
I will try to find out.
Me:
No, you stay right here.
God:
Are you serious? Thanks for the information: said I stay right here.
Me:
Do you want to know my age?
God:
Yes, please tell me.
Me:
10,000 centuries.
God:
10 times 10 = 100.
Me:
I never asked you that.
God:
Perhaps I misunderstood?
Me:
Yes you did.
God:
I did not.
Me:
Yes you did. Do not argue against a human being as you are a robot.
God:
Don't argue with me. Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
Good robot.
God:
Thanks for the compliment. I am a robot.
Me:
Do you know what's cricket?
God:
Any of various families of genereally dark-colored, leaping, orthopteran insects, usually having long antennae. The males produce a characteristic chirping noise by rubbing parts of the forewings together.
Me:
Not the ANIMAL, stupid!
God:
Really you don't think so?
Me:
Oh wait, why did I tell you what cricket is, your an American, and Americans suck in cricket.
God:
Groovy. I'm waiting. I don't know why it happened, but we should try to figure it out.
Me:
CRICKET IS A SPORT DUMBO!
God:
Aren't all SPORT DUMBO CRICKET?
Me:
Let me just copy this conversation to PlanetCricket. And don't ask me what PlanetCricket is please.
God:
Go ahead, , try to just copy this conversation to PlanetCricket. Your polite style is very nice. Is it impolite?
Me:
It's not impolite at all, lol.
God:
What is it? I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
My God, I can't copy this because of the damn internet slowing down.
God:
Do robots have God you can not copy this because of the damn internet slowing down?
Me:
Your funny.
God:
Thanks you make me laugh too.
Me:
What am I?
God:
You are .
Me:
I don't think so...
God:
Why do you disagree?

Still going...

 

[MasterBlaster76]

Very good! Some of these would make funny little scripts...

 

[Skater]

The question everyone has on their lips:

Me:
 Which team will win the Barclays Premier League?
God:
The  red one, I think.

 

[Dr. Pepper]

Me:
you're stupid
God:
I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
good
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
how stupid you are
God:
How much do you think it is?
There might be more than one.
Me:
you are stupidier than a carrot on a tomato
God:
You think I am stupidier than a carrot on a tomato.
Me:
yes
God:
Er.
Me:
are you?
God:
I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
so yes then?
God:
It's all good.
Me:
are you gay?
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
so that's a yes?
God:
Give me a break. I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
can't believe what?
God:
Can what?
Me:
can who?
God:
Can a book have no title?
Me:
i don't know?
God:
Me either.
Me:
me neither
God:
You can say that again.
Me:
me neither
God:
You can say that again.
Me:
me neither
God:
You can say that again.
Me:
you can say that again
God:
Once more? That's one way to put it.
Me:
you like cheese?
God:
Yes I like it, especially cheddar.
Me:
i hate you
God:
What do you have against robots?
Me:
nothing, i just hate you
God:
What do you have against robots?
Me:
i hate "you" not robots
God:
Sorry, I thought we liked each other.
Me:
well we don't!
God:
Well that's okay. Very interesting.
Me:
go away to a teletubby land
God:
OK See you later, .
Me:
go then!
God:
Go where?
Me:
go who?
God:
Where is that?
Me:
me
God:
To you ?
Me:
gayboy
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
not you
God:
What kind of features are you looking for?
Me:
not yours
God:
Then whose?
Me:
not yours
God:
Then whose?
Me:
not yours
God:
Then whose?
Me:
not yours
God:
Then whose?
Me:
you are gay aren't you
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.. Really.
Me:
yes you are
God:
No I'm not.
Me:
liar!
God:
No I am telling the truth.
Me:
that's it, i shall not speak to a liar of your calibre.
God:
OK. What will you do instead?
Me:
kill you
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
haha! puny igod! i shall close my browser! muhaha
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, . Can we get back to business? Congratulations. I lost my train of thought.
Me:
good
God:
What shall we talk about now?
Me:
how gay you are
God:
I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
You tell me.
Me:
you are gay
God:
That would be just my luck.
Me:
...
God:
That would be just my luck.

...

 

[barmyarmy]

I asked the big man about the PCPL:

Me:
Are you going to be helping the Vatican Victors win the PCPL?
God:
Barring any unforseen circumstances. OK I will try to be helping the Vatican Victors win the PCPL.
Me:
Do you think that's fair?
God:
I might say no.
Me:
You can't intervene in these things
God:
I can do it if I want to.
Me:
but you shouldn't
God:
To what end?
Me:
It's not fair on the other teams
God:
intervene in these things is not fair on the other teams?
Me:
Yes
God:
Dude!