Karachi Xpress
Chairman of Selectors
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2005
- Location
- Canada
HAHAHAHA! Awesome jokes there Naveed! :laugh
The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter scorpion_rulezz
- Start date
Kev
Chairman of Selectors
- Joined
- Jun 19, 2004
- Online Cricket Games Owned
Got sent these by email, I liked them, probably because I am an Engineer 
Understanding Engineers - Take one
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus where one said, 'Where did you get such a great bike?'
The second engineer replied, 'Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike,threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, 'Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway.'
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, 'What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes !'
The doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!'
The priest said, 'Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.'
He said, 'Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'
The greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, 'That's so sad . I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'
The doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'
The engineer said, 'Why can't they play at night?'
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, 'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, 'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, 'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with an arts degree asks, 'Do you want fries with that?'
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, 'It was a mechanical engineer Just look at all the joints.'
Another said, 'No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.'
The last one said, 'No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?'
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, 'If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.'
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.'
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.'
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, 'What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?'
The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.'
Understanding Engineers - Take one
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus where one said, 'Where did you get such a great bike?'
The second engineer replied, 'Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike,threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, 'Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway.'
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, 'What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes !'
The doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!'
The priest said, 'Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.'
He said, 'Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'
The greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, 'That's so sad . I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'
The doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'
The engineer said, 'Why can't they play at night?'
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, 'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, 'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, 'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with an arts degree asks, 'Do you want fries with that?'
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, 'It was a mechanical engineer Just look at all the joints.'
Another said, 'No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.'
The last one said, 'No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?'
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, 'If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.'
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.'
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.'
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, 'What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?'
The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.'
When Life Becomes Good For Programmer
A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, “It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him.”
The Project manager is sitting there thinking, “I didn’t know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped me!”
The young woman was sitting and thinking, “I’m glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!” The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, “Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!”
PLEASE REPLY....:upray
A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, “It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him.”
The Project manager is sitting there thinking, “I didn’t know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped me!”
The young woman was sitting and thinking, “I’m glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!” The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, “Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!”
PLEASE REPLY....:upray
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks him for his order.
The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the Ostrich, "What's Yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order "That will Be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the Exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man Says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."The ostrich says, "I'll have the Same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact Change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again ... "The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and A salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on The table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me Sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say."
The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the Ostrich, "What's Yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order "That will Be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the Exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man Says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."The ostrich says, "I'll have the Same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact Change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again ... "The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and A salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on The table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me Sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say."
BANK LOAN
Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!'
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, 'Mona, did we pay our Rs 5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?'
'No, sweetheart,' she responds.
Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, 'Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master Card balance yet?'
'Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque,' she says.
'One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for the ICICI auto loan to them this month?' he asks.
'Oh, forgive me, Rajiv,' begged Mona. 'I didn't send that one, either.'
Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 40 years. Mona pulls away and asks him, 'So, why did you hug me?'
Rajiv answers, 'They'll find us!'
_______________________________________________________________________________
HOW GIRLS RATE GUYS
Girls? relationship with guys is a bigger mystery than girls themselves.
It?s not just about boyfriends, we?re talking about guy friends that gals have.
Do you have a gal who is just a friend? Are confused why the frequency of calls increases as exams loom closer? Or why she always hangs around with the moron who isn?t fit to wear Jeetendra?s white shoes? Here?s a ready reckoner for you:
% just a friend %
Well, you are like a show piece in my house. I will call you whenever I need you. If you call me home the chances are 9 out of 10 times she might say, ?Oh Rahul, I am going out can you call me after 2 days???
Rahul: ?Where are you going Shilpa???
Shilpa: ?None of your business? and bangs the phone.(Useless fellow.Hmmph! ).
% Good Friend %
You are like a TV remote control. I need you and I know that. But I try using you when I really need you.
Rahul calls: ?Hi Shilpa?,
Shilpa: ?Hi Rahul. I am going out with family I will call you back. Bye?
(Shilpa calls back after two days)
Shilpa: ?What do you want Rahul? Why did you call that day??.
Rahul: ?Generally?.
Shilpa: ?Oh ok. I got to go out. Will call you later. Bye.?
Will call when she needs lecture notes or some concert tickets.
% Very good friend %
Well you are like the pressure cooker safety value for the girl.
She will need you when she wants to bring out her pain or anger on someone.
Basically, she wants to talk to you. And you are special to her.
Shilpa: ?You know Rahul, Shekhar is not eating. He doesn?t sleep and is not able to concentrate on his studies. I think he doesn?t like me anymore. And yesterday I saw him with another girl?.
Rahul: ?Who is Shekhar???
Shilpa : ?My boyfriend.?
Rahul: Oh! ok.
% Best Friend %
You are like the auto rickshaw driver. She can?t live without you.
And don?t be mistaken. You are not her boyfriend. But you are allowed to take her little doggie around the park so that he (not you!) can have fun.
Rahul Shopping. Rahul Movie. Rahul Coffee. Rahul,you pay. I am having fun.
Rahul is now sure that he should go ahead and propose. He dares.
Shilpa: ?But I thought we were just friends. We should remain friends
Rahul. Plus, I have a boy friend you know that.?
Rahul: What?? (Rahul drinks all night).
% Best of the Bestest Friends %
Ok now you are really special.
You are dad-cum-boyfriend- cum-brother- cum-everything.
Ultimately you are the darling servant of the girl.
You take her around.
You make her project.
You do her assignments.
You are allowed to take her doggie around.
You can hold hands on the beach.
You can see the sun set with her (because she wants to do everything she drags you along).
But but but? don?t be mistaken. She has a boyfriend who works for a huge software company and earns 3 times the salary you earn and has a flat in PoesGardenor Boat Club or Hiranandani area.
Shilpa: ?Hi Rahul. I am getting engaged to Shekhar. Shekhar this is Rahul, he is my bestest friend?.
Rahul: Hi Shekhar . (Hand shake. Shekhar breaks Rahul?s wrist).
Rahul is now heart broken and wrist broken.
% Boyfriend %
Uh? No comments dude. You?re already Gone
For all Rahul type guys? Make sure that you tell Shilpa about Mamta. And about Maya? and about Tina also?
This will open Shilpa?s eyes!!!!
Send it to boys to improve their Knowledge bank
Send it to girls who want to live in reality
Eventually? both will laugh
Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!'
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, 'Mona, did we pay our Rs 5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?'
'No, sweetheart,' she responds.
Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, 'Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master Card balance yet?'
'Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque,' she says.
'One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for the ICICI auto loan to them this month?' he asks.
'Oh, forgive me, Rajiv,' begged Mona. 'I didn't send that one, either.'
Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 40 years. Mona pulls away and asks him, 'So, why did you hug me?'
Rajiv answers, 'They'll find us!'
_______________________________________________________________________________
HOW GIRLS RATE GUYS
Girls? relationship with guys is a bigger mystery than girls themselves.
It?s not just about boyfriends, we?re talking about guy friends that gals have.
Do you have a gal who is just a friend? Are confused why the frequency of calls increases as exams loom closer? Or why she always hangs around with the moron who isn?t fit to wear Jeetendra?s white shoes? Here?s a ready reckoner for you:
% just a friend %
Well, you are like a show piece in my house. I will call you whenever I need you. If you call me home the chances are 9 out of 10 times she might say, ?Oh Rahul, I am going out can you call me after 2 days???
Rahul: ?Where are you going Shilpa???
Shilpa: ?None of your business? and bangs the phone.(Useless fellow.Hmmph! ).
% Good Friend %
You are like a TV remote control. I need you and I know that. But I try using you when I really need you.
Rahul calls: ?Hi Shilpa?,
Shilpa: ?Hi Rahul. I am going out with family I will call you back. Bye?
(Shilpa calls back after two days)
Shilpa: ?What do you want Rahul? Why did you call that day??.
Rahul: ?Generally?.
Shilpa: ?Oh ok. I got to go out. Will call you later. Bye.?
Will call when she needs lecture notes or some concert tickets.
% Very good friend %
Well you are like the pressure cooker safety value for the girl.
She will need you when she wants to bring out her pain or anger on someone.
Basically, she wants to talk to you. And you are special to her.
Shilpa: ?You know Rahul, Shekhar is not eating. He doesn?t sleep and is not able to concentrate on his studies. I think he doesn?t like me anymore. And yesterday I saw him with another girl?.
Rahul: ?Who is Shekhar???
Shilpa : ?My boyfriend.?
Rahul: Oh! ok.
% Best Friend %
You are like the auto rickshaw driver. She can?t live without you.
And don?t be mistaken. You are not her boyfriend. But you are allowed to take her little doggie around the park so that he (not you!) can have fun.
Rahul Shopping. Rahul Movie. Rahul Coffee. Rahul,you pay. I am having fun.
Rahul is now sure that he should go ahead and propose. He dares.
Shilpa: ?But I thought we were just friends. We should remain friends
Rahul. Plus, I have a boy friend you know that.?
Rahul: What?? (Rahul drinks all night).
% Best of the Bestest Friends %
Ok now you are really special.
You are dad-cum-boyfriend- cum-brother- cum-everything.
Ultimately you are the darling servant of the girl.
You take her around.
You make her project.
You do her assignments.
You are allowed to take her doggie around.
You can hold hands on the beach.
You can see the sun set with her (because she wants to do everything she drags you along).
But but but? don?t be mistaken. She has a boyfriend who works for a huge software company and earns 3 times the salary you earn and has a flat in PoesGardenor Boat Club or Hiranandani area.
Shilpa: ?Hi Rahul. I am getting engaged to Shekhar. Shekhar this is Rahul, he is my bestest friend?.
Rahul: Hi Shekhar . (Hand shake. Shekhar breaks Rahul?s wrist).
Rahul is now heart broken and wrist broken.
% Boyfriend %
Uh? No comments dude. You?re already Gone
For all Rahul type guys? Make sure that you tell Shilpa about Mamta. And about Maya? and about Tina also?
This will open Shilpa?s eyes!!!!
Send it to boys to improve their Knowledge bank
Send it to girls who want to live in reality
Eventually? both will laugh
mattfb
Chairman of Selectors
Got sent these by email, I liked them, probably because I am an Engineer
Understanding Engineers - Take one
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus where one said, 'Where did you get such a great bike?'
The second engineer replied, 'Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike,threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, 'Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway.'
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, 'What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes !'
The doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!'
The priest said, 'Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.'
He said, 'Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'
The greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, 'That's so sad . I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'
The doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'
The engineer said, 'Why can't they play at night?'
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, 'If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.'
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.'
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.'
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, 'What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?'
The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.'
Love these ones. Great jokes Kev
Actually, it was because he didn't have blond hair and blue eyes.
NOAH (2008)
In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over -populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."
"I needed a building permit."
"I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system."
"My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my
yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision."
"Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power
lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them
that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl."
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"
"When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."
"Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study
on your proposed flood."
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm
supposed to hire for my building crew."
"Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work."
"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with
Ark-building experience."
"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally
with endangered species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the sky."
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No ," said the Lord. "The GOVERNMENT beat me to it." =)
In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over -populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."
"I needed a building permit."
"I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system."
"My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my
yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision."
"Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power
lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them
that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl."
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"
"When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."
"Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study
on your proposed flood."
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm
supposed to hire for my building crew."
"Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work."
"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with
Ark-building experience."
"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally
with endangered species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
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"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the sky."
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Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No ," said the Lord. "The GOVERNMENT beat me to it." =)
nightprowler10
Executive member
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2004
- Location
- Madhouse on Madison
- Online Cricket Games Owned
- Don Bradman Cricket 14 - PS3
Love the ones Kev posted. Especially the glass half empty one.
