Karachi Xpress
Chairman of Selectors
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2005
- Location
- Canada
HAHAHAHA! Nice one CDM!! :laugh
The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter scorpion_rulezz
- Start date
Cricketdude
Chairman of Selectors
NEW INVENTIONS BY BLONDES:
The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlight
Submarine screen door
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart board
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chair
Water proof tea bags
Zero proof alcohol
Reusable ice cubes
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap
The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlight
Submarine screen door
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart board
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chair
Water proof tea bags
Zero proof alcohol
Reusable ice cubes
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap
Leicester Fox
Chairman of Selectors
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2006
- Online Cricket Games Owned
whats wrong with that? :what
Karachi Xpress
Chairman of Selectors
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2005
- Location
- Canada
How do you use ice cubes once they have been used already?? :confused:
Leicester Fox
Chairman of Selectors
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2006
- Online Cricket Games Owned
well surely if they have invented a way to re-use them then they can be re-used. if you get me.
Cricketdude
Chairman of Selectors
Shut up Joe.
An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.
The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"
The soldier didn't say anything else. He leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and demanded that her husband sitting opposite defend her and chastise the soldier. The husband spoke up,
"You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road.
And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong b*tch out of the window."
_______________________________________________________
Please Comment
The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"
The soldier didn't say anything else. He leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and demanded that her husband sitting opposite defend her and chastise the soldier. The husband spoke up,
"You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road.
And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong b*tch out of the window."
_______________________________________________________
Please Comment
Cricketdude
Chairman of Selectors
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high, and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano. The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart!
"Where on earth did you get that?" says the bartender.
The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says..."Here. Rub it."
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful blonde genie is standing before him. "I will grant you one wish. Just one wish...each person is allowed only one!"
The bartender gets really excited. Without hesitating he says, "I want a million bucks!"
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!
The bartender turns to the man and says, "Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf...I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."
"Tell me about it!!" says the man... "Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"
"Where on earth did you get that?" says the bartender.
The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says..."Here. Rub it."
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful blonde genie is standing before him. "I will grant you one wish. Just one wish...each person is allowed only one!"
The bartender gets really excited. Without hesitating he says, "I want a million bucks!"
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!
The bartender turns to the man and says, "Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf...I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."
"Tell me about it!!" says the man... "Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car
when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing
off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a
look at his car.
The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello Doctor!! Please come
over here for a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked
argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take
valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will
work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me
is doing basically the same work? "
The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.....
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He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running".
PLEASE REPLY.......
when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing
off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a
look at his car.
The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello Doctor!! Please come
over here for a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked
argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take
valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will
work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me
is doing basically the same work? "
The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
.
He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running".
PLEASE REPLY.......
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car
when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing
off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a
look at his car.
The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello Doctor!! Please come
over here for a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked
argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take
valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will
work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me
is doing basically the same work? "
The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running".
PLEASE REPLY.......
Enough emoctioned or enough said.
..rvdthunder
Club Cricketer
a few bad ones...
whats big and yellow and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
a bulldozer
why did the first koala fall out of the tree?
it was dead
why did the second koala fall out of a tree?
it was stapled to the first koala
why did the third koala fall out of a tree?
peer pressure
whats more fun than swinging a baby really fast on a close line?
stopping it with a cricket bat
a young man is sitting at a bar when a thug comes over and thwaks him, then says that was karate from korea
a little while later he is sitting there again and gets thwaked from behind, again by the same thug, and he says that was kung fu from china
a bit later he again gets thwaked by the same thug and he says that was judo from japan
the young man gets up and walks out of the bar.
later that day the young man walks back ito the bar and THWAK! he hits the thug. He says to the barman, when that f*cking c*nt wakes up tell him that was a shovel from bunnings
whats big and yellow and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
a bulldozer
why did the first koala fall out of the tree?
it was dead
why did the second koala fall out of a tree?
it was stapled to the first koala
why did the third koala fall out of a tree?
peer pressure
whats more fun than swinging a baby really fast on a close line?
stopping it with a cricket bat
a young man is sitting at a bar when a thug comes over and thwaks him, then says that was karate from korea
a little while later he is sitting there again and gets thwaked from behind, again by the same thug, and he says that was kung fu from china
a bit later he again gets thwaked by the same thug and he says that was judo from japan
the young man gets up and walks out of the bar.
later that day the young man walks back ito the bar and THWAK! he hits the thug. He says to the barman, when that f*cking c*nt wakes up tell him that was a shovel from bunnings
Cricketdude
Chairman of Selectors
Whats the difference between a quiting smoker and Cricket 07?
Cricket 07 needs more patches.
Cricket 07 needs more patches.
The National Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale graduate and a redneck from Texas. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was “Timbuktu.”
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan;
Men on camels, two by two
Destination Timbuktu.
The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
Me and Tim a huntin’ went.
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan;
Men on camels, two by two
Destination Timbuktu.
The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
Me and Tim a huntin’ went.
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
