The Jokes Thread

[.Mob]

How many Liverpool fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Don't be silly! There is no electricity in Liverpool!


Probably heard it before, but still lol'worthy.

 

[Cricketdude]

The toothless victim was emerging from the anaesthetic. As he came to his senses, he saw the dentist packing up to go to lord's for the afternoon.

'Not a bad morning's work, eh?' said the dentist, cheekily. 'All out before lunch!'

 

[mattfb]

Spoiler

Early one morning, the Pope was having a nice shower, when he felt a certain tingle down there. Figuring that a little sin never did anyone any harm, he proceeds to have a quick ****. Just as he climaxes though, he here's a strange "click" noise. Quickly, he grabs a towel and exits the shower, and sees a paparazzo lens sticking through the bathroom window.

"You there!" He shouts. "You must give me that camera!"

"Are you kidding?" says the paparazzo. "I just got a photo of the Pope wanking! I'm rich"

"But my child," says the pope, "You could bring down the Church if people knew! Think of the chaos, the heartache!"

"Sorry pal, this pic is worth millions to me."

The pope sighs. "Very well, if I give you ten million euros will you give me the camera?"

The paparazzo thinks on this for a moment and agrees. So the Pope writes him a cheque, takes the camera and sends him on his way. Later, as he's sitting on his bed grumbling and trying to get the film out, a maid walks in.

"Oh, your Holiness," says the maid, "that's a very nice camera. How much did it cost you?"

"Ten million euros." grunts the Pope.

"Ten million euros? TEN MILLION EUROS?" They must have seen you coming!"

Found that one really funny .

LOL, thats a good one

 

[Cricketdude]

Thats soo good!

cricketdudemad added 10 Minutes and 9 Seconds later...

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

 

[mattfb]

HAHAHAHA LOL! soo true...

 

[Karachi Xpress]

LMAO!!! Nice one CDM!!

 

[Leggie]

Lol at that on CDM.

 

[Leggie]

Here are some jokes which my friends in India sent to me via a service called Gupshup.

Manager: "I will give you £50 a week and a £100 a week in years time"
Player: " Ok, I will come back in a years time!"

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Principal: "Students, You must sleep at least 7 hours a day.
Students: "Impossible Sir! College is only for 6 hours!"

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Dad: "Son what do you want for your Birthday?"
Son: "Ahh, Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it"

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Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate 9...7,8,9.

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Santa Banta went to Mysore Palace.
Guide: "Sharmaji, Please don't sit there, It' Tipu Sultan's chair.
Santa: "That's Ok, I will get up when he comes"

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Boss: "Can you tell me a word which has 100 letters?"
Santa: "A Postbox"

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The Heights of Laziness - My favourite
Son: Papa ek glass pani dedo (Dad give me one glass on water)
Papa: Khudlelo (Get it yourself)
Son: Please dedo (Please get it)
Papa: Ab manga to thappad dunga (If you ask again, I will slap you)
Son: Jab thapad dene aaoge to pani late aana (If you give me a slap, Then my water will come late)

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Thanks for reading, Just thought I'd share them.

 

[Kiko_97]

Here are some jokes which my friends in India sent to me via a service called Gupshup.

Manager: "I will give you ?50 a week and a ?100 a week in years time"
Player: " Ok, I will come back in a years time!"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Principal: "Students, You must sleep at least 7 hours a day.
Students: "Impossible Sir! College is only for 6 hours!"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Dad: "Son what do you want for your Birthday?"
Son: "Ahh, Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Those 3 made me lol, Great jokes

 

[ZoraxDoom]

You messed up the translation for the laziness one:

Dad, can you get me a glass of water?
Get it yourself.
Please?
If you ask me again, I'll slap you!
While you are coming to slap me, can you bring the water with you?

 

[Leggie]

Oh thanks fro that Zorax, My Hindi is a bit weak at times...:o

 

[ZoraxDoom]

Oh thanks fro that Zorax, My Hindi is a bit weak at times...:o

So is your English...

 

[mattfb]

That why is 6 afraid of 7 joke is one of the oldest jokes I've ever heard!!

 

[Niv]

Why didn't the skeleton go to the halloween party?








Because nobody likes him, and he is a pathetic loser with no friends.

 

[Niv]

Why didn't the skeleton go to the halloween party?








Because he is a pathetic loser with no friends.