The Jokes Thread

[Prithvi]

An Indian guy saying HIS pledge:-
India Is my Nation,
Girls are my Destination,
Sight is my profession,
Dating is my Occupation....





In between, what the hell is the Education

 

[SciD]

Things in Law that Sound Dirty But Aren't?

? Have you looked through her briefs?
? He's one hard judge!
? Counsellor, let's do it in chambers!
? His attorney withdrew at the last minute!
? Is it a penal offence?
? Better leave the handcuffs on
? For $200 an hour, she better be good!
? Can you get him to drop his suit?
? The judge gave her the stiffest one he could!
? Think you can get me off

 

[Themer]

As much as I liked Jackson and how poor class this joke is it made me smirk a bit.

"News has come out that Michael Jacksons girlfriend is devastated by his death. She went on to add its the worst thing to happen to her since here parents left her in Portugal."

Sorry, I'll get my coat.

 

[scorpion_rulezz]

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor to give a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth,first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing"

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?"

The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get that darn jar open."
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An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him.
The boy's hair was yellow, green, orange, and purple. He had black makeup around his eyes.
The old man just stared at him.
Finally the boy said, "what's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?"
The old man thought for a while and answered, "well yes actually, I have,
I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
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[McLOVIN]

As much as I liked Jackson and how poor class this joke is it made me smirk a bit.

"News has come out that Michael Jacksons girlfriend is devastated by his death. She went on to add its the worst thing to happen to her since here parents left her in Portugal."

Sorry, I'll get my coat.

i dont get it =SS

 

[Niv]

This should explain.

 

[McLOVIN]

lol thats messed up!

 

[Niv]

Fremantle came to AAMI with one goal in mind...

 

[pcfan123]

Michael Jacksons priest was very sad at the news of his death. He said he will miss going on double dates with him.

 

[OffCutters]

I`ve got a pretty good joke.....Stuart Broad.

Hah, i`ve been laughing for about 1 hr and 36 minutes.

 

[mattfb]

Fremantle came to AAMI with one goal in mind...

10char

 

[Prithvi]

Beauty Tip:-

For extraordinary whiteness in your face, just use











Asian Paints... 7 Years Guarantee..

 

[blazerix]

Q-What do you call a Pakistani prostitute in France?

A- La Whore

no offense to anyone, found it in a jokebook.

 

[SciD]

Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy.

The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, "Nurses are known to be hot to trot."

The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have sexy voices."

The third man married a school teacher. Dave thinks to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are frigid."

The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse's husband. He sourly says, "Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary.'"

Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and sourly says, "Don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'"

Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls and happily says, "When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was 'We are going to do this over and over until we get right.'"

 

[pcfan123]

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when the wife is pregnant, Tension is when the girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.