The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter scorpion_rulezz
- Start date
chainsnatcher
School Cricketer
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2009
- Online Cricket Games Owned
A couple, aged 65 and 67, went to the doctor’s office. The Doctor asked them, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us make love ?"
The doctor looked confused but agreed. When the couple had finished, the doctor said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." And he charged them ?20.00.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, screw, pay the doctor and leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Please explain, just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The old man responded, "We’re not trying to find out anything. She is married and we can’t go to her house. I am married and we can’t go to my house. The Sheraton Hotel charges ?52.00 and Hilton Hotel charges ?37.00. We shag here for ?20.00 and I get ?18.00 back from from insurance company for a visit to the doctors office.
chainsnatcher added 0 Minutes and 42 Seconds later...
A man is driving down a road. A woman is driving down the same road from the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the man leans out the window and yells, COW !
The women immediately leans out her window and yells, TOSSER !
They each continue on their way, and as the women rounds the next curve, she crashes into a huge cow in the middle of the road and dies.
If only women would listen.
chainsnatcher added 0 Minutes and 44 Seconds later...
A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into a shop with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The shopkeeper says, "Good morning... Nice children you’ve got there - are they twins?"
The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell... no they ain’t, the oldest one, he’s 9 and the younger one, she’s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins...? Do you really think they look alike?"
"No", replies the shopkeeper, "I just couldn’t believe you got laid twice!"
The man said, "Will you watch us make love ?"
The doctor looked confused but agreed. When the couple had finished, the doctor said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." And he charged them ?20.00.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, screw, pay the doctor and leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Please explain, just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The old man responded, "We’re not trying to find out anything. She is married and we can’t go to her house. I am married and we can’t go to my house. The Sheraton Hotel charges ?52.00 and Hilton Hotel charges ?37.00. We shag here for ?20.00 and I get ?18.00 back from from insurance company for a visit to the doctors office.
chainsnatcher added 0 Minutes and 42 Seconds later...
A man is driving down a road. A woman is driving down the same road from the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the man leans out the window and yells, COW !
The women immediately leans out her window and yells, TOSSER !
They each continue on their way, and as the women rounds the next curve, she crashes into a huge cow in the middle of the road and dies.
If only women would listen.
chainsnatcher added 0 Minutes and 44 Seconds later...
A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into a shop with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The shopkeeper says, "Good morning... Nice children you’ve got there - are they twins?"
The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell... no they ain’t, the oldest one, he’s 9 and the younger one, she’s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins...? Do you really think they look alike?"
"No", replies the shopkeeper, "I just couldn’t believe you got laid twice!"
P
pcfan123
Guest
haha love the COW one,
A (insert ethnicity here) guy walks into a bar. The bartender looks up as says "get the f!ck out of here"
A (insert ethnicity here) guy walks into a bar. The bartender looks up as says "get the f!ck out of here"
P
pcfan123
Guest
its funny because its funny
Cricketdude
Chairman of Selectors
A man walks into a bar....
Chetan0304
Chairman of Selectors
An eskimo is driving through New Zealand when suddenly his noticed one of his tyres was getting flat. He calls up the RAA and by this time someone reches him the tyre is completely flat.
After a quick inspection the RAA man says "You've blown a seal mate"
The eskimo replies: "Well you shag sheep, so f**k off!"
After a quick inspection the RAA man says "You've blown a seal mate"
The eskimo replies: "Well you shag sheep, so f**k off!"
WOMAN'S DIARY
21 July 2009 Wednesday
Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely.
I'd been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and was a bit late meeting him, thought it might be that.
The bar was really crowded and loud, so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.
He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we went somewhere nice to eat.
All through dinner he just didn't seem himself - he hardly laughed and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying.
I just knew that something was wrong.
He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in.
He hesitated but followed.
I asked him what was wrong, but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.
After about ten minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to bed, I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply.
He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile.
He didn't follow me up immediately but came up later and, to my surprise, we made love - but he still seemed distant and a bit cold.
I cried myself to sleep - I think he's planning to leave me - maybe he's found someone else.
MAN'S DIARY
Wednesday 21 July 2009
Australia lost the second test.
Gutted.
Got a root though.
21 July 2009 Wednesday
Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely.
I'd been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and was a bit late meeting him, thought it might be that.
The bar was really crowded and loud, so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.
He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we went somewhere nice to eat.
All through dinner he just didn't seem himself - he hardly laughed and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying.
I just knew that something was wrong.
He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in.
He hesitated but followed.
I asked him what was wrong, but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.
After about ten minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to bed, I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply.
He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile.
He didn't follow me up immediately but came up later and, to my surprise, we made love - but he still seemed distant and a bit cold.
I cried myself to sleep - I think he's planning to leave me - maybe he's found someone else.
MAN'S DIARY
Wednesday 21 July 2009
Australia lost the second test.
Gutted.
Got a root though.
Left_Hander
Chairman of Selectors
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2006
- Online Cricket Games Owned
Haha. Nice one Niv!
mattfb
Chairman of Selectors
LOL! love it!
