The Jokes Thread

[blazerix]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!" .

LOL

 

[shravi]

There's a farmer and he has chickens, but they won't lay any eggs. So he calls a physicist to help. The physicist then does some calculations and he says "I have a solution but it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum".

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink, the bartender says "for you no charge".

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip? To get to the same side.

Lol, stop stealing jokes from The Big Bang theory.

 

[Themer]

My girlfriend said that switching off her mum's life support machine was the most difficult thing that she's ever had to do.

She has clearly never tried to not spill a full pint of beer whilst sneezing.



I explained to the doctor, "Whenever I harvest our cornfields, I get a really bad headache."

"It's a migraine," he explained.

"No, it's not, it's mine - and why the hell have you started speaking Italian?"



I was stood at the urinal when a black guy stood next to me.

I turned to him and said, "I flinging hate you black bastards!"

He looked at me, obviously hurt, and said, "Why? I'm a human being just like you. I have a family, I have a job, I pay tax. Why let stereotypes dictate how you treat people? Why so much hatred for someone that you don't even know?"

Then he looked down at my cock and said, "Oh... fair enough, mate."

 

[MuchMore]

I was stood at the urinal when a black guy stood next to me.

I turned to him and said, "I flinging hate you black bastards!"

He looked at me, obviously hurt, and said, "Why? I'm a human being just like you. I have a family, I have a job, I pay tax. Why let stereotypes dictate how you treat people? Why so much hatred for someone that you don't even know?"

Then he looked down at my cock and said, "Oh... fair enough, mate."

LOL :laugh

 

[pcfan123]

I explained to the doctor, "Whenever I harvest our cornfields, I get a really bad headache."

"It's a migraine," he explained.

"No, it's not, it's mine - and why the hell have you started speaking Italian?"



I was stood at the urinal when a black guy stood next to me.

I turned to him and said, "I flinging hate you black bastards!"

He looked at me, obviously hurt, and said, "Why? I'm a human being just like you. I have a family, I have a job, I pay tax. Why let stereotypes dictate how you treat people? Why so much hatred for someone that you don't even know?"

Then he looked down at my cock and said, "Oh... fair enough, mate."

:laugh class

 

[Cricketdude]

Joke was too obvious. I knew from the very first line that it was about that.

 

[Pranav]

My girlfriend said that switching off her mum's life support machine was the most difficult thing that she's ever had to do.

She has clearly never tried to not spill a full pint of beer whilst sneezing.



I explained to the doctor, "Whenever I harvest our cornfields, I get a really bad headache."

"It's a migraine," he explained.

"No, it's not, it's mine - and why the hell have you started speaking Italian?"



I was stood at the urinal when a black guy stood next to me.

I turned to him and said, "I flinging hate you black bastards!"

He looked at me, obviously hurt, and said, "Why? I'm a human being just like you. I have a family, I have a job, I pay tax. Why let stereotypes dictate how you treat people? Why so much hatred for someone that you don't even know?"

Then he looked down at my cock and said, "Oh... fair enough, mate."

Some pretty good ones. :laugh

 

[ARay]

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A Naked lady boards a taxi in London. The Sikh Driver keeps staring and can't stop. So the Lady says: "Haven't you ever seen a naked woman?" Sikh replies: "Just wondering, where have you kept the money to pay me?"

----------------------------------------------------------

For some reason Monty Panesar image came in my head while reading this :laugh

 

[Will_NA]

its because its not funny, heres one from me.

Whats the difference between an abo and a park bench?

Spoiler

park bench supports a family of four.

Originality. Heard of it?

 

[Highlander999]

My girlfriend said that switching off her mum's life support machine was the most difficult thing that she's ever had to do.

She has clearly never tried to not spill a full pint of beer whilst sneezing.

:laugh even funnier because it's so true

 

[pcfan123]

Originality. Heard of it?

And they call me a redneck :laugh

That was not even close to funny, it was just downright racist.

 

[Cricketdude]

ok ok... how about this

What's long and black?

Spoiler

the welfare line

 

[Will_NA]

ok ok... how about this

What's long and black?

Spoiler

the welfare line

Not as over-used as your previous one but still heard it often. Oh well...

 

[pcfan123]

Who hasent heard them, thats the whole point. The only reason anyone would say those jokes is to make a racist statement for shock value.

Grow up

 

[CaptainOZ]

Who hasent heard them, thats the whole point. The only reason anyone would say those jokes is to make a racist statement for shock value.

Grow up

With people like this, it is all about life circumstances.

For example, say someone like Cricketdude met a black woman, perhaps she is a lawyer or a doctor, and started dating her, and they eventually married. His world would change. Now let's say they are walking down the street, holding hands, and a group of guys walk past them and yell out "look at this dude with the black bitch! How much welfare money is your darkie woman getting you mate?!"

He would feel intense anger towards the very men he used to be.

Grow up, kid.