Prithvi
10 years at Planetcricket
One small single line joke:
Teachers call it unit test, but we call it "UNITY" test:laugh
The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter scorpion_rulezz
- Start date
TumTum
International Cricketer
There's a farmer and he has chickens, but they won't lay any eggs. So he calls a physicist to help. The physicist then does some calculations and he says "I have a solution but it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum".
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink, the bartender says "for you no charge".
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip? To get to the same side.
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink, the bartender says "for you no charge".
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip? To get to the same side.
Themer
Chairman of Selectors
In the news; "Woman arrested for killing her kids whilst on holiday in Spain".
Silly bitch should have gone to Portugal, she would have got away with it there.
Silly bitch should have gone to Portugal, she would have got away with it there.
Cricketdude
Chairman of Selectors
Another madeline mccann joke?
blake
School Cricketer
It's a shame that not everybody here can appreciate Abo jokes...
Pranav
ICC Board Member
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2007
- Location
- New Delhi, India
The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning when she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first?"
Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"
Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."
"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your feet."
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night, Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, 'Oh! God, I'm coming! I'm coming!' and if Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."
Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"
Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."
"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your feet."
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night, Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, 'Oh! God, I'm coming! I'm coming!' and if Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."
deathrevenge9
International Coach
:laugh:laugh:laugh
Themer
Chairman of Selectors
Haha, I rather like that one Pranav. 
P
pcfan123
Guest
Its not that we don't appreciate them , its just that the 2nd one is horribly racist
Pranav
ICC Board Member
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2007
- Location
- New Delhi, India
One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth.
In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but only succeeded in pushing it in deeper.
He asked his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out.
The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.
Once he was gone the mother turned to the father and said, "That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?!"
The father replies, "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law!"
In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but only succeeded in pushing it in deeper.
He asked his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out.
The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.
Once he was gone the mother turned to the father and said, "That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?!"
The father replies, "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law!"
Themer
Chairman of Selectors
That'll teach the ex wife for taking the house in the divorce....
Before I left, I set 3 white rats free in the house with 1,2,& 4 written on their backs.
Before I left, I set 3 white rats free in the house with 1,2,& 4 written on their backs.
Highlander999
ICC President
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2006
- Location
- London
thedon5
Panel of Selectors
The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Jimmy got up and read his essay.
It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..."
"My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"
"He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."
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A Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?"
The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street." Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.
Saint Peter said, "Well , that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven."
The Lawyer said, "Wait Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter."
Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.
Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"
Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, "Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."
---------------------------------------------------------------
After being away on business, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50.00. "That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That's still quite a bit,"
Tom groused. Growing, disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.
"What I mean," said Tom, "is I'd like to see something real cheap."
So the clerk handed him a mirror.
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A Naked lady boards a taxi in London. The Sikh Driver keeps staring and can't stop. So the Lady says: "Haven't you ever seen a naked woman?" Sikh replies: "Just wondering, where have you kept the money to pay me?"
----------------------------------------------------------
New Generation Indian Daughter-in-Law
It is a myth that when a son gets married and a new daughter-in-law arrives in the family, everything changes.
Some daughters-in-law are well trained and well mannered....They don't come to change the family, they are here to... ( READ ON!)
The new wife was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner. As expected she gave a speech;
"My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family, firstly, my being here does not mean that I would want to change your way of life, your routine. No, I will never do that, never in a million years."
"What do you mean my child?" asked the father-in-law.
"What I mean dad is (looking at her in-laws);
Those who used to wash the dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked should not stop at my account, AND
Those who used to clean should continue cleaning!!!"
"And what are you here for?" enquired the mother-in-law.
"AS FOR ME, I'M HERE JUST TO ENTERTAIN YOUR SON!!!!!"
-------------------------------------------------------------
A man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine sitting by herself.
Man: "May I buy you a cocktail?"
Maxine: "No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs."
Man: "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"
Maxine: "No, they spread."
It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..."
"My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"
"He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?"
The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street." Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.
Saint Peter said, "Well , that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven."
The Lawyer said, "Wait Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter."
Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.
Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"
Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, "Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."
---------------------------------------------------------------
After being away on business, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50.00. "That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That's still quite a bit,"
Tom groused. Growing, disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.
"What I mean," said Tom, "is I'd like to see something real cheap."
So the clerk handed him a mirror.
----------------------------------------------------------------
A Naked lady boards a taxi in London. The Sikh Driver keeps staring and can't stop. So the Lady says: "Haven't you ever seen a naked woman?" Sikh replies: "Just wondering, where have you kept the money to pay me?"
----------------------------------------------------------
New Generation Indian Daughter-in-Law
It is a myth that when a son gets married and a new daughter-in-law arrives in the family, everything changes.
Some daughters-in-law are well trained and well mannered....They don't come to change the family, they are here to... ( READ ON!)
The new wife was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner. As expected she gave a speech;
"My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family, firstly, my being here does not mean that I would want to change your way of life, your routine. No, I will never do that, never in a million years."
"What do you mean my child?" asked the father-in-law.
"What I mean dad is (looking at her in-laws);
Those who used to wash the dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked should not stop at my account, AND
Those who used to clean should continue cleaning!!!"
"And what are you here for?" enquired the mother-in-law.
"AS FOR ME, I'M HERE JUST TO ENTERTAIN YOUR SON!!!!!"
-------------------------------------------------------------
A man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine sitting by herself.
Man: "May I buy you a cocktail?"
Maxine: "No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs."
Man: "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"
Maxine: "No, they spread."
ste_mc_efc
Chairman of Selectors
Did you hear about the magic tractor?
One say it was moving down the road and then it turned into a field.
One say it was moving down the road and then it turned into a field.
Cricketdude
Chairman of Selectors
its because its not funny, heres one from me.
Whats the difference between an abo and a park bench?
park bench supports a family of four.
