The Jokes Thread

[darthlewis1]

This is 9th of september 2001,

Musharaff calls up Bush and says-Sorry to hear about the plane crash earlier this morning at 9.

Bush- But nothing happened here.

Musharaff- What time is it in USA?

Bush- 7am.

Musharaff- Okay I'll call you later.

You fail it was the 11th september

 

[Ollie_H]

Shaid Afridi.

 

[Meet]

^
?????

 

[deathrevenge9]

^
?????

Its a joke.

 

[sachin_rocks]

Its a joke.

It was meant for other people to post "Please don't post Fail Jokes"

 

[Themer]

I was lying in bed with my blonde girlfriend last night when she said, "I think my boobs are too small, I'm going to get a boob job."

"Hmm," I replied, "my hands are too small... what do you think I should do?"

"Do you want a hand job?"

She's a keeper.

 

[AkshayS]

^:laugh:rofl
hehe, great Themer.

 

[pcfan123]

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say

 

[AkshayS]

^I've heard it many times and I always rofl/laughs on this.
It has the touch of village people and all that and that always makes me laugh.

 

[sachin_rocks]

So Bill Gates dies and meets St. Peter at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter says "Bill, you know, that was some dubious s**t you did down there on Earth with Microsoft, but it's just about counter-balanced by the good works that the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation did, plus your old man, liberal that he is, put in a good word for you. So you could go either way, and we're going to let it be your call. You can go to either Heaven or Hell."

So Gates so, "Okay, but I can I see them both before I decide?"

"Sure!" says St. Peter. "But once you decide, it's for keeps. Let's start with Heaven".

So they go inside and Gates sees a bunch of folks lounging around, not doing much. You know, playing the occasional harp, snoozing on a cloud, reading books, that sort of thing.

Bill decides that's not his scene, so he asks to see Hell.

He knocks on the Gates of Hell and Lucifer immediately shows him in. Hell is a *MUCH* more swinging place than Heaven. Lots of video games, 72 virgins, champagne flowing freely, and not a Mac or a Linux box to be seen.

Gates is sold and goes back to tell St. Peter the bad news. *POOF*! He's back at the Gates of Hell and no sooner can he look up but seven demons grab him, drag him inside, and throw him head first into a pit of burning, stinking brimstone.

Scrambling back out, Gates demands to see Lucifer. "But, but, but," he coughs and stammers, this is *NOTHING* like what you showed me earlier!"

Lucifer replies "Oh, that. That was our demo."

 

[Chetan0304]

I came across this EPIC letter again, i know i posted this before, still ..

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.

3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.

4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run ' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur money.

9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that?

Santa Singh

Hahah Santa is a legend.... :rtfl


for Indian guys

To Bill Gates, Hindi is widely known in India, why not do translation as to our suggestion below:

Here are some of the Windows related terms that have been approved by Bill Gates to be used in the Hindi version of... Khidkiyan 2000:
( More appropriately Atyant Mulayam Khidkiyan 2000 )

Atyant Mulayam = Microsoft
Khidki = Window
Phaail = File
Bachao = Save
Aise Bachao = Save as
Subko Bachao = Save All
Mujhe Bachao = Help
Madad Pe Madad = Help On Help
Dhoondo = Find
Firse Dhoondo = Find Again
Hilao = Move
Chaara = Options
Bura sandesh yaa phail naam = Bad command or file name
Garbh girao, Firse koshish karo, Naakaamyab = Abort, retry,fail
chhavo = Tile
Aadmi Bhejo = Send Mail
Daak = Mail
Daakiya = Mailer
Bhaago = Run
Chhaapo = Print
Dekh Ke Chhaapo = Print Preview
Chipkao = Paste
Khaas Chipkao = Paste Special
Mitao = Delete
Kagaz Uper = Page Up
Kagaz Neeche = Page Down
Anth = End
Saaf karo = Clear
Sab Kuch Saaf Karo = Clear All
Makan = Home
Topi Ka Tala = CapsLock
Hathiyaar = Tools
Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet
Futaas Ki Goli Kha = Exit
Ped = Tree
Chooha = Mouse
Chooha Chalak = Mouse Driver (Software)
Tik-Tik Karo = Click
Idhar-se-Udhar,Udhar-se-Idhar Wala Danda = Scrollbar
Pardha = Screen
Pardha Bachanewala = Screen Saver
Krimi = Virus
Tika = Anti Virus
Karo = Do
Galthi = Error
Ghusao = Insert
Pahle Ghusao = Insert Before
Beech Mein ghusao = Insert Between
Baadhme Ghusao = Insert After
Chabi Phalak = Key board
Choohha Ka Bisthar = Mouse Pad
Avaaz Phodney Wali Cheez = Sound Blaster
Antarjatiya Jaal = InterNet
Baath Cheeth Dabba = Dialog Box
Chale? = Exit?

:laugh

 

[Meet]

I have read it somewhere............

 

[deathrevenge9]

But still they are good.

 

[-D-S-B-]

Spoiler

In Indian Schools (Especially here of Gujarat),majority PT sirs comes from village.So here are some sentence:
1)There is no wind in football.
2)I talk,He talk,than why you middle-middle talk?
3)You rotate ground 3 times.
4)All 3 of you stand together seperately

I know many of you will not like it,but I fell I should share with you guys.

Haha, that's a beauty !

 

[pcfan123]

Whats a PT sir?