The Jokes Thread

[icyman]

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. "Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane..."

At this point Mummy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the
rigs."

Mummy fainted!

Moral: Sometimes you need to just shut up and listen to the whole story before you interrupt!

 

[Themer]

I remember my teacher telling me that looking out of the window wouldn't get me anywhere.

Did I have a smug look on my face later on in life when I handed him his Burger and fries at the drive through.

 

[-D-S-B-]

A Welshman/Kiwi/Aussie(take your pick) walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep in his arms and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies:
"I think you'll find that's not a pig but a sheep, you idiot."

The man says: " Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."

 

[Themer]

Tattoos are great for preserving memories, otherwise I would have totally forgotten about that anchor.

 

[Varun]

Justin Bieber has ranked 7 in the category - most searched women.

 

[Pranav]

Out in the middle of darkest Africa there was a White Missionary living with a tribe of black natives.

One day the big chief comes along and calls the Missionary into his hut, where he was sharpening his big axe.

He explains to the white man that his daughter has just given birth to a white baby, and that since the missionary's the only white man for thousands of miles, the missionary will be the "main course" at dinner that night.

"Now just hang on a minute, give me a chance to explain, chief," says the Missionary, "you're jumping to conclusions here. Let me tell you a story. See all those white sheep out in the field and how there's one black one amongst them."

The Chief thinks for a moment, "OK!" says the Chief, "You say nothing, and I say nothing."

 

[Varun]

Haha, nice one that.

 

[pcfan123]

albeit a bit racist

 

[icyman]

Boy: Sex at my house?
Girl: okay
Boy: but i sleep in a bunk bed with my little brother he thinks we r making sandwiches
Girl:?
Cheese= faster. Tomato= harder
At the bed
Girl: CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE
Brother: stop making sandwiches you are getting mayo all over my bed!!
Like if you get it

 

[pcfan123]

That would be funny, if this was 3rd grade.................

 

[AbhishekS]

Haha, that's nice but a little childish.

 

[Cricketdude]

That would be funny, if this was 3rd grade.................

I wouldn't understand it if it was 3rd grade...

 

[pcfan123]

do you understand it now?

and yea 3rd might be a stretch, although you never know with kids nowadays. I think I knew by 5th grade, 6th for sure

 

[ARay]

do you understand it now?

and yea 3rd might be a stretch, although you never know with kids nowadays. I think I knew by 5th grade, 6th for sure

Kids grow up rather quickly these days. I had a grade 2 kid making sex noises in the place where I was volunteering =/

 

[Cricketdude]

do you understand it now?

and yea 3rd might be a stretch, although you never know with kids nowadays. I think I knew by 5th grade, 6th for sure

Actually I use to have a friend in 3rd grade who had a dirty mind for his age So I am pretty sure I learned by 3rd grade