The Jokes Thread

[Prithvi]

In USA every year, Edison's birthday is celebrated with a power Cut for 2 minutes.
But here due 2 Over-Respect,















We celebrate it Daily for 3 hours... haha

 

[Themer]

bad joke along with the fact that edison did NOT invent the light bulb .

Terrible joke, but at what point does he mention Edison inventing the Lightbulb?

 

[sachin_rocks]

Terrible joke, but at what point does he mention Edison inventing the Lightbulb?

it implied that .

 

[Themer]

it implied that .

No it didn't.

 

[Pranav]

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.

So he decides to try it out at dinner.

Dad asks his son, "Where were you today during school?"

The son says, "At school." The Robot slaps son. "Ok, I went to the movies"

Dad says, "Which one?"

The son says, "Toy Story." Robot slaps son again. "Ok, it was 'A Day with a Porn Star'."

"Dad says, "WHAT?! When I was your age, I didn't even know what porn was." Robot slaps dad.

Mom says, "HAHA!! After all he is your son." Robot slaps mom.

 

[Meet]

A good one.

 

[AbhishekS]

An old one, but felt nice to read it after a while.

 

[Prithvi]

#include<exam.h>
#include<tensn.h>
void pain( )
{

link i,mind, stdy, paper, parent, tension

mind=confused;
while(stdy=done)
{
paper=blank;
parent=scold++
if(i=pass)
{
tension free;
}
else
{
suplemntry;
}
getrdy( )
}
}

 

[Gurjot95]

Not really funny but good to read since I am studying this in my computer class.

 

[Ahmad94]

A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help. He goes into the temple and begins to pray.

"Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto". Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.

The Sardarji goes back to the synagogue. "Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!!

Back to the temple... "My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Sardarhi is confronted by the voice of the God: "SARDARJI, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A DAMN TICKET".

 

[thedon5]

Found this on FTP. It made my eyes burn so I thought it'd be funny.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen world!

 

[Prats]

Once a man goes for a cricket match. The match gets over. All the people are away but this man sits in the stadium even after the match is over. There comes another man and asks that man:

"What are you waiting for? The match is over"

The man replies, "I'm waiting for highlights".

 

[RPHKR]

Lawyers are greedy

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely.

When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeeemer!!!", he whined.

"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!", retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!"

"Oh no!", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was.

"Where's my Rolex???!!!"

 

[Gaurav_7]

This is nice. Just try it -

Type "Suresh Raina is God", in Google Translate. Translate this to Serbian. Now, translate the result back to English. Amazing!

 

[Haarithan]

Sorry if this turns out to be a bad pun.

Osama had a son , who seemed to be having a tough time with mathematics. So , Osama called for the appointment of a maths tutor to help out his gson.

Tutor (to Osama's son) - "How will you divide 4 apples equally among 5 people?"
Son - Kill the extra person!