AbhishekS
Chairman of Selectors
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2008
- Location
- Mumbai, India
- Online Cricket Games Owned
- Don Bradman Cricket 14 - Steam PC
That's an extremely old one, Haarithan. Read it around 3-4 years back!
The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter scorpion_rulezz
- Start date
RPHKR
National Board President
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2008
NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go -- and couldn?t return to Earth.
The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. ?A million dollars,? he answered, ?because I want to donate it to M.I.T.?
The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. ?I want to give a million to my family,? he explained, ?and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.?
The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer?s ear, ?Three million dollars.?
?Why so much more than the others?? asked the interviewer.
The lawyer replied, ?If you give me $3 million, I?ll give you $1 million, I?ll keep $1 million, and we?ll send the engineer to Mars.?
The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. ?A million dollars,? he answered, ?because I want to donate it to M.I.T.?
The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. ?I want to give a million to my family,? he explained, ?and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.?
The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer?s ear, ?Three million dollars.?
?Why so much more than the others?? asked the interviewer.
The lawyer replied, ?If you give me $3 million, I?ll give you $1 million, I?ll keep $1 million, and we?ll send the engineer to Mars.?
The Rock
County Cricketer
- Joined
- Mar 27, 2011
- Online Cricket Games Owned
Not kinda joke, but it will surely bring a smile on your face.
Once a guy's girlfriend calls the guy to her house at evening time. She says that her parents are outta station. The guy gets excited and goes to her house the same night. But there he finds an unknown hot girl. She calls him and asks him whether he wants to have sex with him. The guy turns back and goes away.
There near his bike, he finds his girlfriend. She says that she wanted to test whether she can trust on him and she's all fine now. The then go inside and enjoy their time.
Moral: Always keep condoms in your bike.
Once a guy's girlfriend calls the guy to her house at evening time. She says that her parents are outta station. The guy gets excited and goes to her house the same night. But there he finds an unknown hot girl. She calls him and asks him whether he wants to have sex with him. The guy turns back and goes away.
There near his bike, he finds his girlfriend. She says that she wanted to test whether she can trust on him and she's all fine now. The then go inside and enjoy their time.
Moral: Always keep condoms in your bike.
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thedon5
Panel of Selectors
Heard it before many times.
deep007ism
Club Captain
Cool Jokes
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
----------
"Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People."
This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:
1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Time is Money.
As every engineer knows:
Power = Work / Time
Since:
Knowledge = Power
Time = Money
It follows that:
Knowledge = Work/Money.
Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.
Conclusion:
The less you know,the more you make.
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
----------
"Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People."
This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:
1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Time is Money.
As every engineer knows:
Power = Work / Time
Since:
Knowledge = Power
Time = Money
It follows that:
Knowledge = Work/Money.
Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.
Conclusion:
The less you know,the more you make.
deep007ism
Club Captain
At a recent COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated that:
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got1,000 miles to the gallon."
General Motors has issued a press release stating:
1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you
would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car XP" or "Car 2000". But then you would have to buy more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would only work on 5% of the roads.
7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning light would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the justice dept.
12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn to
drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13. You would press the "start " button to shut off the engine.
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got1,000 miles to the gallon."
General Motors has issued a press release stating:
1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you
would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car XP" or "Car 2000". But then you would have to buy more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would only work on 5% of the roads.
7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning light would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the justice dept.
12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn to
drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13. You would press the "start " button to shut off the engine.
Varun
ICC Board Member
- Joined
- Mar 14, 2009
- Location
- Delhi, India
- Online Cricket Games Owned
- Don Bradman Cricket 14 - Steam PC
^Nice one.
RPHKR
National Board President
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2008
Getting into fights:
A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?"
"Yes," his wife replied. "I married into the family."
A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?"
"Yes," his wife replied. "I married into the family."
Gurjot95
National Board President
- Joined
- Apr 16, 2008
- Location
- Melbourne, Australia
Try out this.....1. Go to Google. 2. Type "Top 50 women on internet" 3. Click on the first link. 4. Look at number seven. 
RPHKR
National Board President
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2008
Pranav
ICC Board Member
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2007
- Location
- New Delhi, India
A husband and wife were out enjoying a round of golf.
On the third tee, the wife slices her shot right through the large front window of the biggest house along the course. They enter the house and see a broken bottle and a man.
Man - I want to thank you. I am a genie that was trapped for 1000 years in the bottle. I will give you 1 wish each, and I will keep 1 for myself.
Husband - I want a billion dollars.
Wife - I want a house in every country of the world.
Genie - Done.
Husband - And what is your wish genie?
Genie - Well, since I haven't loved a woman in a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife.
Husband - We'll get lots of money. I guess I don't mind.
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.
After about three hours of nonstop sex, the Genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"
"We're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"Really?" he says. "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"
On the third tee, the wife slices her shot right through the large front window of the biggest house along the course. They enter the house and see a broken bottle and a man.
Man - I want to thank you. I am a genie that was trapped for 1000 years in the bottle. I will give you 1 wish each, and I will keep 1 for myself.
Husband - I want a billion dollars.
Wife - I want a house in every country of the world.
Genie - Done.
Husband - And what is your wish genie?
Genie - Well, since I haven't loved a woman in a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife.
Husband - We'll get lots of money. I guess I don't mind.
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.
After about three hours of nonstop sex, the Genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"
"We're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"Really?" he says. "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"
Fenil
PC Cricket Leagues Legend
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2011
number seven.
Don't know what the reaction of Justin Beiber would be like after seeing this.
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