The Jokes Thread

[Varun]

A grey anteater from Dallas.

That was intelligent. Dallas is the last country I could think of.

 

[The Rock]

That was intelligent. Dallas is the last country I could think of.

lol

 

[AbhishekS]

A grey anteater from Dallas.

I as a fan of the Mavericks completely LOLed on this post!

 

[Zidanes]

Just imagine if all the major high-street brands in the UK started selling their own condoms and kept their current trade slogans...

1. Sainsbury's condoms - Making life taste better,
2. Tesco Condoms - Every little helps,
3. Nike Condoms - Just do it,
4. Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life,
5. KFC Condoms - Finger Licking good,
6. Minstrels Condoms - Melt in your mouth, not in your hand,
7. Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load,
8. Abbey National Condoms - Because life is complicated enough,
9. Coca Cola Condoms - The real thing,
10. Ever Ready Condoms - Keep going and going,
11. Pringles Condoms - Once you pop, you can't stop,
12. Burger King Condoms - Home of the Whopper,
13. Goodyear Condoms - For a longer ride, go wide!
14. M?ller light condoms - So much pleasure, but where's the pain?,
15. Flash Condoms - Just sit back, relax and let flash do all the hard work,
16. Halford Condoms - We go the extra mile,
17. Royal Mail Condoms - I saw this and thought of you,
18. Andrex Condoms - Soft, strong and very very long,
19. Renault Condoms - Size really does matter!,
20. Domestos Condoms - Gets right in the rim,
21. Heineken Condoms - Hits the parts that other condoms just cannot reach,
22. Carlsberg Condoms - Probably the best condom in the world,
23. Pepperami Condoms - Its a bit of an animal,
24. Polo Condoms - The one with the hole in it, (Oh dear! :shocked)
25. McDonalds Condoms - I'm Lovin' it,
26. Cillit Bang condoms - BANG...And the dirt is gone,
27. Gillette condoms - The best a man can get,
28. D'addarie guitar condoms - Softer on the G string,
29. Natwest condoms - For "another way", :wink
30. Microsoft condoms - Where do you want it to go today?
31. nVidia condoms - The Way It's Meant To Be Played,
32. Nokia condoms - Connecting People

 

[Dipak]

Nike Condoms - Just do it,

Minstrels Condoms - Melt in your mouth, not in your hand,

M?ller light condoms - So much pleasure, but where's the pain?,
Flash Condoms - Just sit back, relax and let flash do all the hard work,

Heineken Condoms - Hits the parts that other condoms just cannot reach,

KFC Condoms - Finger Licking good

Some of them are epic there.

 

[AbhishekS]

@Zidanes: Those are epic, great!

 

[Dipak]

Polo Condoms - The one with the hole in it,

This one was epic.

 

[Cricketdude]

Did you hear about the Jewish cricket team?

They went to Germany to reclaim the ashes.

 

[pcfan123]

-_-

 

[Themer]

I saw a fat bird down the pub, her T-shirt said - Watch out, I'm a maneater! I went up to her and said "Excuse me love, about your T-shirt slogan." She stopped me and angrily said "Oh let me guess, you want to know how many men I've eaten?! Well I can't help my size you know!" I said "Actually no, I wasn't going to say that at all." She looked happier and smiled as she said "Oh yes, what did you want to say then?." "That's not how you spell Manatee."

 

[barmyarmy]

That condom one is pretty funny but I reckon it's not totally accidental. Sex sells and companies know that so they make full use of innuendo and double-entendre (I'll double your entendre).

I've probably posted this before but I like it so so what?

Why wasn't Jesus born in Australia?
They couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

 

[Themer]

My wife came home with a vibrator, started waving it about and screamed, "I don't need you now! I don't need you now!"

Guess who had to put the batteries in.

 

[SciD]

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, they just waved.

----------

Santa to Salesman: What's d price of this underwear?
Salesman: 500 Rs.
Santa: Too costly. I want daily wear not party wear.

 

[Zidanes]

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

 

[swacker]

A guy was sharing a bottle of wine over dinner at home with the wife last night.
"I love you so much" he said. "I don't think I could live without you"
"Do you really mean that, or is it just the wine talking?" She asked
He said "I was talking to the wine"