The Jokes Thread

[VC the slogger]

A co-pilot was welcoming the passengers on the plane shortly after take off.

He said "Thank you for flying with us this morning. The weather is....."

Then suddenly he starts screaming while he's still on the loud speakers "Oh my God! OMG!!! OMG!!! This is going to hurt.... Its burning!"

There's a ghostly silence as he gets back on the microphone talking to the passengers and says "I sincerely apologize for the incident but the air hostess just dropped a very hot cup of coffee on my lap."

"You should see my pants from the front"

A passenger replies, "Why don't you come here and see OUR PANTS FROM BEHIND!"

 

[Ohm]

^ Had little bit arguments and was so upset. That joke made my mood fresh. Thanks man.

 

[VC the slogger]

The part I like most in horror movies is when the person calls out "Hello?!" as if the killer/ghost is gonna say "Yeah I'm in the kitchen, want a sandwich?".

 

[FabregasChelsea]

A Lady to Doctor:

My husband has d habit of talking in sleep! wat shud i giv him to cure?

Dr: Give him an Opportunity to speak wen he is awake..

 

[FabregasChelsea]

Mr. Bean v/s Einstein:
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.
Einstein & Mr.Bean sitting next to each other on a long flight..
Einstein says,"Let's play a game.. I will ask you a question,if you don't know the answer,you pay me only $5 and if I don't know the answer,I will pay you $500.."

Einstein asks the first question: What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon..?

Mr.Bean doesn't say a word,reaches his pocket,pulls out a $5..

Now,it's Mr.Bean's turn..

He asks Einstein: What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down on 4 legs..?

Einstein searches the net and asks all his smart friends.. After an hour he gives Mr.Bean $500..

Einstein going nuts and asks: Well,so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four..?

Mr.Bean reaches his pocket and gives Einstein 5$

 

[Ohm]

Heart melting love story:
.
.
.
.
.
Boy: I can't marry u.
My family is totally against it.

Girl: Who the hell are they to stop u?

Boy: My wife & 2 kids.

 

[FabregasChelsea]

Lady: Do you smoke?
Man: Yes.
Lady: How many packs?
Man: 3 packs daily.
Lady: How much is per pack for your brand?
Man: $ 8 a pack.
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Man: Almost 18 years.
Lady: So one pack costs $ 8 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $ 720. In one year, it would be $ 8640. Correct?
Man: Correct.
Lady: If in 1 year you spend $ 8640, you collectively spent $ 155,520. Correct?
Man: Correct.
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 18 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you smoke?
Lady: No.
Man: Where's your freaking Ferrari then?

 

[GlitchInTheMatrix]

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor?s surgery.

?Why is your stomach so big?? ? he asks.
?I?m having a baby.? ? she replies.
?Is the baby in your stomach?? ? he asks, with his big eyes.
?Yes, it is.? ? she says.

?Is it a good baby?? ? he asks, with a puzzled look.
?Oh, yes. A really good baby.? ? the lady replies.

Shocked and surprised, he asks: ?Then why did you eat him?

 

[GlitchInTheMatrix]

Costel Pantilimon
nice name he has..

 

[Themer]

Yes the hilarity of it always leaves me short of breath

Ha ha ha.

 

[Varun]

Salvage this thread, Themer.

 

[Themer]

This thread doesn't need salvaging.

It's brilliant, whether intended our not.

 

[Ohm]

Legendary joke sharer is back. #welcome

 

[Themer]

Legendary joke sharer is back.

I don't share jokes, I create them. Every joke I've posted was a Themer original...

 

[Ohm]

I don't share jokes, I create them. Every joke I've posted was a Themer original...

Great, pal.