The Jokes Thread

[Ohm]

Teacher: "Describe a person in one word. The person who feel sorry and ask to forgive after making a mistake."

Student: "Smart"

Teacher: "The person who feel sorry but ask to forgive without making any single mistake.

Student: "Boyfriend or Husband"

Teacher: "Shut up! Now describe the person who don't feel sorry and don't ask to forgive after making a mistake and take own mistake as fun but not seriously."
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Student: "Students"

 

[Samuels]

Teacher: "Now describe the person who don't feel sorry and don't ask to forgive after making a mistake and take own mistake as fun but not seriously."

Men, when a condom gets torn.

 

[Samuels]

1- Principal: Are You Chewing Gum?
Student: No, I'm Human Being..!!
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2- Wife: We Are Having Mother For Dinner Tonight.
Husband: But Darling, I'm Vegetarian..!! How Can I Eat Her??
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3- Will These Stairs Take Me To The 2nd Floor?
No, You'll Have To Walk As Well..!!
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4- Girl: I Have Changed My Mind..!!
Boy: Thank God, But Does The New One Works?

 

[ImBack]

This thread has some butt puckering cringe material. It's almost surreal, can't make these up if I tried

 

[thedon5]

I was waiting for that.

 

[ImBack]

lets up the ante...


Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous.

A night of tall tales commences.

The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."

The second chimes in, "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."

The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.

 

[Ohm]

EPIC JOKE

two girlzz were playing chess
(joke doesn't end here)
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Girl 1: Lets stop playing, getting bored.

Girl 2:
Yup! Well, you have a horse only and I have an elephant.
The joke doesn't end here either
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That time a guy came there.
Boy: Girlzzzzz! Lets play chess. I versus anyone of you.

Both girls: Noooo! You will beat us easily.

Boy: Lets divide in teams. I will be a team and you both will be a team. You are double against me.

Both girls: Then also you will beat us.

Boy: Okay! Then I will play using my left hand.
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Both girls: Yipppppee! Now we are ready to play.
The joke still doesn't end.
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Both loosed game. Boy won and went back.

Girl 1: What a shame it was! He was playing with his left hand still he beat us.
Girl 2: (Thought something..... just few seconds) Errrrr! He made us fool.
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Girl 1: How?
Girl 2: That sh** may be lefty!

 

[Ohm]

I think the joke doesn't end here either, because I still haven't laughed.

You haven't understand a bit of it then.

two girlzz were playing chess
(joke doesn't end here)

Girls never like these kinda things.

Girl 1: Lets stop playing, getting bored.

Girl 2:
Yup! Well, you have a horse only and I have an elephant.
The joke doesn't end here either

How only the horse and elephant left at the end? They were playing by their own rules. i.e. They don't knew rules.

That time a guy came there.
Boy: Girlzzzzz! Lets play chess. I versus anyone of you.

Both girls: Noooo! You will beat us easily.

Boy: Lets divide in teams. I will be a team and you both will be a team. You are double against me.

Both girls: Then also you will beat us.

Boy: Okay! Then I will play using my left hand.
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Both girls: Yipppppee! Now we are ready to play.
The joke still doesn't end.
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Both loosed game. Boy won and went back.

Girl 1: What a shame it was! He was playing with his left hand still he beat us.
Girl 2: (Thought something..... just few seconds) Errrrr! He made us fool.
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Girl 1: How?
Girl 2: That sh** may be lefty!
__________________

Chess is played using mind not using hand. Those girls were fool that they don't know that simple fact.

Now read the joke again.

 

[thedon5]

That's one of the shittest jokes ever. Not sure if that last line is intended sexually or something, that's just an awful joke either way.

 

[Ohm]

That's one of the shittest jokes ever. Not sure if that last line is intended sexually or something, that's just an awful joke either way.

Maybe for you. I just found it superb one and it was in Hindi. But still I tried to translate in good and understandable English. I found it Epic one and you found it a siht one. Everyone has his own understanding capability and opinions. No problem guys.

 

[bumbisoft]

OK joke. Nothing to be for hours about

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Camoflauge Clothing

There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.

"It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."

"That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.

"Get my brown pants."

 

[Ohm]

A lady broke the traffic
signal...
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Police :- Stop!!
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Lady :- Plz let me go.I'm a
teacher...
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Police :- Aah,I've waited for
this moment all my
life.
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Now write...'I'll never break
signal' 1000 times

 

[FabregasChelsea]

3 most difficult things to do inthe
world..
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1. You cant count your hair..
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2. You cant wash your eyes with soap..
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3. You cant breathe when your tongue is out..
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Now please put your tongue back inside...

 

[Ohm]

Father: Oh! Come my son, how was the English question paper today?

Son: It was so easy, but.........

Father: But what? Was something hard to answer?

Son: Ya, dad. There was a question asking to change the present tense to past tense for the given words.

Father: Okay! But which one you couldn't answer?

Son: Word 'think'.

Father: But didn't you try to guess the answer?

Son: Yes, I did that for last 15 minutes. I thought and thought and thought about that and ended up my answer with 'thinked'.

 

[shravi]

That's funny, because he said the right answer, but he didn't write it. Silly boy!