The Jokes Thread

[VC the slogger]

Husband: Why did you give so much money to that beggar who was pretending to be blind?

Wife: Didn't you hear his nice words about me?

Husband: No, what did he say?

Wife: He said that I was so kind, pretty and young.

Husband: Oh, I see. He's really blind in that case!

 

[zeustrojanstark]

It is still considerably better than anything you have posted.

Mate,chill!Why do you tell him like that,it was just for fun i suppose.

 

[kushy28]

Something to kickstart your
monday!

2 boys were talking and one said to the other, "There is a easy way to earn money".
The other boy said, "How?"
The boy replied, "Tell people you know their secret."
The boy jumps up to his dad, "I know your secret!"
Dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10."
The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!"
Mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15."
The boy then tries it on the mailman, "I know your secret!"
The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"

 

[KrishnamurthiN]

Husband to wife :- Today is a fine day.

Next day he says :- Today is a fine day.

Again next day, he says same thing - Today is a fine day.

Finally after a week, the wife can't take it and asks her husband :- Since last one week, you are saying this 'Today is a fine day'. I am fed up. What's the matter?

Husband :- Last week when we had an argument, you said,"I will leave you one fine day."

 

[zeustrojanstark]

husband to wife :- today is a fine day.

Next day he says :- today is a fine day.

Again next day, he says same thing - today is a fine day.

Finally after a week, the wife can't take it and asks her husband :- since last one week, you are saying this 'today is a fine day'. I am fed up. What's the matter?

Husband :- last week when we had an argument, you said,"i will leave you one fine day."

 

[KrishnamurthiN]

A newly wedded groom on finding that his bride is still a virgin exclaims in happiness" I just wanna kiss whoever or whatever the reason is for your virginity...!" and Bride replies " Sure! Kiss my as*!" The Groom faints....

 

[FabregasChelsea]

One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke
him up.

MOM : ?Wake up, son. It?s time to go to school.?

SON : ?But why, Mama? I don?t want to go to school.?

MOM : ?Give me two reasons why you don?t want to go to school.?

SON : ?One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me.?

MOM : ?Oh! that?s not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school.?

SON : ?Give me two good reasons WHY I should go to school??

MOM : ?One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school."

 

[Naman.]

good one

 

[Aravind.]

 

[Ohm]

The owner of a company was going to home from his newly bought BMW. At the same time the manager came there and said to his boss "Wow! Nice car boss." Boss replied -






"If you will work hard, honestly and if you will start overtime then I'll be able to buy a nice car than this one "

 

[Bevab]

Okay, what's the joke?

 

[Ohm]

Okay, what's the joke?

Typical boss man. He didn't said "If you will work hard, honestly and if you will start overtime then you'll be able to buy a nice car than this one " If manager will work hard then he will bring more success for his company. It was a simple joke

 

[Bevab]

To simple, way two simple.

 

[Ohm]

'Santa' visit to USA. While travelling and visiting to higher sopts in USA he wondered by every amazing thing there. At the end of the travelling, Guide said to Santa "In USA everyone get married because of E-Mail." Santa shocked again and replied "In our country everyone get married only because of male and female."

 

[GlitchInTheMatrix]

Chatting between two friends @ 1.00 AM (They're chatting for 4 hours)
1: Gotta go mate, it's very late.
2: Don't go buddy, it's only 1.00 AM
1: If I don't go now, then my mom will stomp my face on the keyboard!fdbduvsuhcbaucvacuavschcbcnc zcauihaiudfv/gd/gsfdfsfjsm,vvfl;sjsiah