Here Are Some More
Top 10 most stupid questions in obvious situations
1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends?
Stupid Question: Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer: Don?t u know, I sell tickets in black over here?
2. In the bus:
A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet?
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I?m on local anesthesia?..why don?t you try again.
3. At a funeral:
One of the teary-eyed people asks?
Stupid Question: Why, why him, of all people.
Answer: Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question: Is the ?Butter Paneer Masala? good??
Answer: No, it?s terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.
5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question: Munna, Chickoo, you?ve become so big.
Answer: Well you haven?t particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask?
Stupid Question: Is the guy you?re marrying good?
Answer:-No, he?s a miserable wife-beating insensitive lout?it?s just the money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call?
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping?. You dumb witted moron.
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair?
Stupid Question: Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer: No, its autumn and I?m shedding??
9. At the dentist when he?s sticking pointed objects in your mouth?
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer: No it wont. It will just bleed.
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office asks?
Stupid Question: Oh, so you smoke.
Answer: Gosh, it?s a miracle ????it was a piece of chalk and now it?s in flames!!!
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Nice house
Carlos calls his boss in the morning:
Ey, boss i can not come to work today I am really sick. I got headache, stomach ache, my legs hurt I can not come to work.
The boss says:
You know Carlos I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me a blowjob. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that.
Two hours later Carlos calls:
Boss, I did what you said and I feel great, I?ll be at work soon. And by the way, you got a nice house.
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Old lady and President of Bank of Canada
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, ?It?s a lot of money!?
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president?s office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, ?$165,000!? and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, ?Ma?am, I?m surprised you?re carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money??
The old lady replied, ?I make bets.? The president then asked, ?Bets? What kind of bets??
The old woman said,?Well, for example, I?ll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square.?
?Ha!? laughed the president, ?That?s a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!?
The old lady challenged, ?So, would you like to take my bet??
?Sure,? said the president, ?I?ll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!?
The little old lady then said, ?Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?? ?Sure!? replied the confident president.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president?s office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: ?$25,000 says the president?s balls are square!?. The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.
?Well, Okay,? said the president, ?$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure.? Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, ?What the hell?s the matter with your lawyer??
She replied, ?Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 am today, I?d have The Bank of Canada?s president?s balls in my hand?.
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Dictionary for decoding women?s personal ads
40-ish??????????..49.
Adventurous???????..Slept with everyone.
Athletic??????????.No breasts.
Average looking??????..Moooo.
Beautiful??????????Pathologica l liar.
Emotionally Secure????..On medication.
Feminist??????????Fat.
Free spirit?????????.Junkie.
Friendship first???????.Former ****.
New-Age??????????Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned???????..No BJs.
Open-minded???????..Desperate.
Outgoing??????????Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional????????.Bitch.
Voluptuous????????..Very Fat.
Large frame????????.Hugely Fat.
Wants Soul mate?????..Stalker.
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