The Jokes Thread

[The Spin]

That link removed for a number of reasons, putting an age warning makes all under18s click it, and the language was a little to strong for my liking. Rules of the forum state no swearing.

Sorry you had to be the victim of my 1st mod action of this forum

 

[Bala]

And let the curse of the monkeys be with you Chez, if you had clicked that link!

 

[newzolt]

That link removed for a number of reasons, putting an age warning makes all under18s click it, and the language was a little to strong for my liking. Rules of the forum state no swearing.

Sorry you had to be the victim of my 1st mod action of this forum

That's ok.You are doing your job.

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Here's another one:


“How long have you been working here?” one employee asked to another.
“Ever since the boss threatened to fire me.”

 

[Cricket_60]

Great jokes Newzolt

I heard a different version of your joke about the 10 pieces of fruit. The last guy came in with pineapples

 

[newzolt]

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground, and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow."

"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his crotch. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him, "How does that feel?"

To which he replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

 

[Bala]

Phing Phong, Newzolt?

 

[Abhas]

lol newzolt.... excellent joke....

 

[nightprowler10]

King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice. After explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked thoughtful, and said that he'd see if he could come up with something, and asked him to come back in a week.

A week later King Arthur was back in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt - except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

"This is no good, Merlin!" the king exclaimed. "Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?"

"Ah, sire, just observe," said Merlin as he searched his cluttered work bench until he found what he was looking for. He then selected his most worn-out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.

"Merlin, you are a genius!" said the grateful monarch. "Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected."

After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.

Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad.

"Sir Galahad," exclaimed King Arthur, "the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!"

Sir Galahad wanted to respond, but unfortunately he was speechless.

 

[newzolt]

King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice. After explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked thoughtful, and said that he'd see if he could come up with something, and asked him to come back in a week.

A week later King Arthur was back in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt - except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

"This is no good, Merlin!" the king exclaimed. "Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?"

"Ah, sire, just observe," said Merlin as he searched his cluttered work bench until he found what he was looking for. He then selected his most worn-out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.

"Merlin, you are a genius!" said the grateful monarch. "Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected."

After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.

Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad.

"Sir Galahad," exclaimed King Arthur, "the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!"

Sir Galahad wanted to respond, but unfortunately he was speechless.

lol.. :rtfl :rtfl :rtfl :rtfl
reps for you.

 

[usy]

That's ok.You are doing your job.

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Here's another one:


?How long have you been working here?? one employee asked to another.
?Ever since the boss threatened to fire me.?

lol damn funny. the word working should be bold .

 

[Abhas]

King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice. After explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked thoughtful, and said that he'd see if he could come up with something, and asked him to come back in a week.

A week later King Arthur was back in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt - except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

"This is no good, Merlin!" the king exclaimed. "Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?"

"Ah, sire, just observe," said Merlin as he searched his cluttered work bench until he found what he was looking for. He then selected his most worn-out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.

"Merlin, you are a genius!" said the grateful monarch. "Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected."

After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.

Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad.

"Sir Galahad," exclaimed King Arthur, "the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!"

Sir Galahad wanted to respond, but unfortunately he was speechless.

lol...speechless...:rtfl :rtfl :rtfl
reps...

 

[newzolt]

“Now, that looks like a happily married couple.” Remarks the husband.
“Don’t be too sure, my Dear. They are probable saying the same thing about us.” Replied his wife.

 

[siddharth2002]

King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice. After explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked thoughtful, and said that he'd see if he could come up with something, and asked him to come back in a week.

A week later King Arthur was back in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt - except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

"This is no good, Merlin!" the king exclaimed. "Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?"

"Ah, sire, just observe," said Merlin as he searched his cluttered work bench until he found what he was looking for. He then selected his most worn-out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.

"Merlin, you are a genius!" said the grateful monarch. "Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected."

After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.

Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad.

"Sir Galahad," exclaimed King Arthur, "the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!"

Sir Galahad wanted to respond, but unfortunately he was speechless.

thats a very old school hindi joke but sounded quite funny when put in this way.

 

[scorpion_rulezz]

nice ones there

Here i have got some...

Short Ones

Teacher to Sardar " Where were U born?
Sardar : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Sardar : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA
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When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?

Answer : On their Wedding !!
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A Sardar was fond of detective novels, he always read from the middle,
why ?
Its double interesting. It builds curiosity not only about its end but
also its beginning !
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1. What is Common between: Krishna, Ram, Gandhi ji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied: All are born on Government Holidays.
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Sardar bought a new mobile. He called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My Mobile No. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610

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Once a donkey slapped a sardar and ran away.Sardar began to chase the donkey.On the next corner he saw a zebra and started hitting it saying,"you trying to decieve me by putting on track suit???"
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DEATH PENALTY
A French man, an American and a Sardar are each convicted of murder and face the death penatly. The choices are: head cut off by guillotine; being hanged and being given the aids injection. The french man says: 'i will die the french way and get my head cut off'. so he is executed. The american says he will die the american way and chooses to be hanged. he is then executed. The sardarjee chooses the aids injection. after being injected, he is released to die elsewhere. as he is released, he starts to laugh. the guards ask him why he is laughing. the sardar replies: 'haha, i tricked you fools. before you injected me, i wore a condom'
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[Sachin_007]

LOL...nice jokes...scorpion