The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter scorpion_rulezz
- Start date
The sensitive man
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end
up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her
around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is
completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are
three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute,
cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire
wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly
arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along
the top shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to
have such a large a collection of Teddy Bears, but doesn't
mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive
side.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a
while, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be
the one! Maybe he could be the future father my children?"
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds
warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he
romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his
bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy
love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more
creativity, more heat than she has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this
sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls
over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was
it?"
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply
into her eyes, and says:
"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf."
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end
up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her
around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is
completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are
three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute,
cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire
wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly
arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along
the top shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to
have such a large a collection of Teddy Bears, but doesn't
mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive
side.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a
while, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be
the one! Maybe he could be the future father my children?"
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds
warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he
romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his
bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy
love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more
creativity, more heat than she has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this
sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls
over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was
it?"
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply
into her eyes, and says:
"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf."
blackleopard92
Panel of Selectors
although I am collecting jokes to put them in one big thread.But these 2 are classic.I couldn't resist posting them.
They are classics, hence many would have listened /heared them.
-------------------------------
Dr Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes
awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is
approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Some jerk has stolen our tent."
--------------------------------------------------
"Good evening ladies", Sherlock Holmes said as he passed three women eating bananas on a park bench.
"Do you know them?" Dr. Watson asked.
"No", Holmes
replied, "I've never met the nun, the prostitute or the bride we just passed."
"Good Lord, Holmes, how in the world did you know all that?"
"Elementary, my dear Watson. The nun ate the banana by holding it in one hand and using the fingers of the other hand to properly break the fruit into small pieces."
"The prostitute", he continued, "grabbed with both hands and crammed the whole thing into her mouth."
"Amazing!" Watson exclaimed. "But how did you know the third was a newlywed?"
"Because she held it one hand and pushed her head toward it with the other."
enjoy
They are classics, hence many would have listened /heared them.
-------------------------------
Dr Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes
awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is
approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Some jerk has stolen our tent."
--------------------------------------------------
"Good evening ladies", Sherlock Holmes said as he passed three women eating bananas on a park bench.
"Do you know them?" Dr. Watson asked.
"No", Holmes
replied, "I've never met the nun, the prostitute or the bride we just passed."
"Good Lord, Holmes, how in the world did you know all that?"
"Elementary, my dear Watson. The nun ate the banana by holding it in one hand and using the fingers of the other hand to properly break the fruit into small pieces."
"The prostitute", he continued, "grabbed with both hands and crammed the whole thing into her mouth."
"Amazing!" Watson exclaimed. "But how did you know the third was a newlywed?"
"Because she held it one hand and pushed her head toward it with the other."
enjoy
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.
The day came for the final test to see which peson would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."
So they brought the second man to the same door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes; then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her; I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."
"No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Now they only had the woman left to test. They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances; this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes; then all went quiet.
The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with a chair!"
The day came for the final test to see which peson would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."
So they brought the second man to the same door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes; then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her; I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."
"No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Now they only had the woman left to test. They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances; this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes; then all went quiet.
The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with a chair!"
Very late in the evening, a very large woman not blessed with great beauty, entered a bar carrying a duck under her arm. At closing time she offered to go home with the first man who could guess the weight of her duck. A well- oiled man at the far end of the bar said, "two thousand pounds." When the laughter died down, she was heard to say, "close enough."
surendar
ICC Chairman
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2006
- Location
- Bentonville, US
- Profile Flag
- India
- Online Cricket Games Owned
- Don Bradman Cricket 14 - PS3
- Don Bradman Cricket 14 - Steam PC
- Don Bradman Cricket 14 - Xbox One
There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere, and says there is a magic pool just outside their hotel room. He tells them "Ok, you must jump off the diving board, and yell out what you wanna land in."
So the three guys go over to the pool. The first guy, a vegetarian, yells out "Bananas!" and lands in a pool of bananas. The second guy was money hungry and yelled out "Money!" and lands in a pile of money. The third guy jumps, when a bird shits on his head, and he yells "Oh S--t!" Then.........
So the three guys go over to the pool. The first guy, a vegetarian, yells out "Bananas!" and lands in a pool of bananas. The second guy was money hungry and yelled out "Money!" and lands in a pile of money. The third guy jumps, when a bird shits on his head, and he yells "Oh S--t!" Then.........
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding.
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
*******************************************
A lecturer teaching medicine was giving a class on observation. He took out a jar of yellow liquid.
"This," he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant of color, smell, sight, and taste."
After saying so, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched in amazement, most in disgust. But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped their finger into the jar and put it into their mouths.
After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth."
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
*******************************************
A lecturer teaching medicine was giving a class on observation. He took out a jar of yellow liquid.
"This," he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant of color, smell, sight, and taste."
After saying so, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched in amazement, most in disgust. But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped their finger into the jar and put it into their mouths.
After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth."
scorpion_rulezz
Club Cricketer
back in my thread 
nice jokes there keep on rocking the thread
Here I have Got Some,hope you guys will like them
MBA Vs BBA Student
A MBA and a Bcom go on a camping trip, set up their tent,and
fell asleep.
Some hours later, the Bcom wakes his MBA friend. " look up
at the sky and tell me what you see."
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and
we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
The Bcom is silent for a moment, then speaks.
"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Strange people are here
There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in.
After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life.
'I'm fine, ' Angus said. 'But there are some really strange people living in these apartments. One woman cried all day long, another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time.'
'Well, ma laddie,' says his mother, 'I suggest you don't associate with people like that.'
'Oh,' says Angus, 'I don't, Mam, I don't. No, I just stay inside my apartment all day and night, playing my bagpipes.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji Digging Holes
A passerby watched two sardarjis in a park. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again.
Tell me,' said the passerby, 'What on earth are you doing?'
Well,' said the digger, 'Usually there are three of us. I dig the hole, Balwant plants the tree saplings and Gurpreet fills in the hole. Today Balwant is off ill, but that doesn't mean Gurpreet and I get the day off, does it?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji & The Chinese Baby
sardar jee and his wife adopt an infant chinese baby, and start learning chinese.one of their neighbour ask sardar jee why are you people learning chinese,"errr How could we talk to baby she doesn't know punjabi" Sardar jee replied
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese."
"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?"
"Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it says that every fourth person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Letter From A Punjabi Mother
My dear Sony Singh,
I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there.
I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.
I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain same too.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet I'm not sure it works too well.
Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.
The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.
By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is not very good. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love - Mom.
P.S. Sony Singh, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter
**********************************************************
nice jokes there keep on rocking the thread
Here I have Got Some,hope you guys will like them
MBA Vs BBA Student
A MBA and a Bcom go on a camping trip, set up their tent,and
fell asleep.
Some hours later, the Bcom wakes his MBA friend. " look up
at the sky and tell me what you see."
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and
we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
The Bcom is silent for a moment, then speaks.
"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Strange people are here
There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in.
After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life.
'I'm fine, ' Angus said. 'But there are some really strange people living in these apartments. One woman cried all day long, another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time.'
'Well, ma laddie,' says his mother, 'I suggest you don't associate with people like that.'
'Oh,' says Angus, 'I don't, Mam, I don't. No, I just stay inside my apartment all day and night, playing my bagpipes.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji Digging Holes
A passerby watched two sardarjis in a park. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again.
Tell me,' said the passerby, 'What on earth are you doing?'
Well,' said the digger, 'Usually there are three of us. I dig the hole, Balwant plants the tree saplings and Gurpreet fills in the hole. Today Balwant is off ill, but that doesn't mean Gurpreet and I get the day off, does it?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji & The Chinese Baby
sardar jee and his wife adopt an infant chinese baby, and start learning chinese.one of their neighbour ask sardar jee why are you people learning chinese,"errr How could we talk to baby she doesn't know punjabi" Sardar jee replied
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese."
"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?"
"Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it says that every fourth person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Letter From A Punjabi Mother
My dear Sony Singh,
I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there.
I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.
I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain same too.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet I'm not sure it works too well.
Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.
The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.
By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is not very good. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love - Mom.
P.S. Sony Singh, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter
**********************************************************
Bird Brains
Two statues, one of a girl and one of a boy, have been standing in a garden for 200 years. One day an angel comes down from heaven and says, "Since millions of people have been beholding your beauty for all this time, I think you deserve 30 minutes of life to do whatever you want to do." The angel gives them life and immediately the two statues run behind a bush. All the angel can hear is giggling. Fifteen minutes later, they come out from behind the bush, and the angel tells them they still have 15 more minutes. So the boy statue looks at the girl statue and says, "You want to do it again?" The girl statue says, "Yeah, but this time you hold down the bird and I'll poop on its head."
Two statues, one of a girl and one of a boy, have been standing in a garden for 200 years. One day an angel comes down from heaven and says, "Since millions of people have been beholding your beauty for all this time, I think you deserve 30 minutes of life to do whatever you want to do." The angel gives them life and immediately the two statues run behind a bush. All the angel can hear is giggling. Fifteen minutes later, they come out from behind the bush, and the angel tells them they still have 15 more minutes. So the boy statue looks at the girl statue and says, "You want to do it again?" The girl statue says, "Yeah, but this time you hold down the bird and I'll poop on its head."
banana man
Club Cricketer
a few great jokes there
surendar
ICC Chairman
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2006
- Location
- Bentonville, US
- Profile Flag
- India
- Online Cricket Games Owned
- Don Bradman Cricket 14 - PS3
- Don Bradman Cricket 14 - Steam PC
- Don Bradman Cricket 14 - Xbox One
Here are few
A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem.
The project manager said: "Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination."
The computer programmer said: "We have here the driver's guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive."
The computer operator said: "First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem."
Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: "Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."
==================================================================
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
"I know," said the Departmental Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."
"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."
"Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."
A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem.
The project manager said: "Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination."
The computer programmer said: "We have here the driver's guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive."
The computer operator said: "First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem."
Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: "Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."
==================================================================
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
"I know," said the Departmental Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."
"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."
"Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."
blackleopard92
Panel of Selectors
Some Heights of
1. What is height of Fashion?
Dhoti with a zip
2. What is height of Secrecy?
Offering blank visiting cards .
3. What
is height of Activelaziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
4. What is height of Laziness?
Adopting a child.
5. What is height of Craziness?
Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
6. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
7. What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
8. What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
9. What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
10. What is height of De-hydration?
A cow giving milk powder.
1. What is height of Fashion?
Dhoti with a zip
2. What is height of Secrecy?
Offering blank visiting cards .
3. What
is height of Activelaziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
4. What is height of Laziness?
Adopting a child.
5. What is height of Craziness?
Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
6. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
7. What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
8. What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
9. What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
10. What is height of De-hydration?
A cow giving milk powder.
A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
"I can't wear your trousers." she said.
"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!"
She replied, "That's right...and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."
------------------------------------------------------------
Q: You are stuck in an elevator with a tiger, a lion and a lawyer. You have a gun with just two bullets in it. What do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice to make sure he's dead.
-----------------------
A couple were driving to a church to get married. On the way, they got into a car accident and died. When they arrive in heaven, they see St. Peter at the gate. They ask him if he could arrange it so they could marry in heaven.
St. Peter tells them that he'll do his best to work on it for them.
Three months pass by and the couple hear nothing. They bump into St. Peter and ask him about the marriage.
He says, "I'm still working on it."
Two years pass by and no marriage.
St. Peter again assures them that he's working on it.
Finally after twenty long years, St. Peter comes running with a priest and tells the couple it's time for their wedding.
The couple marry and live happily for a while. But after a few months the couple go and find St. Peter and tell him things are not working out, and that they want to get a divorce.
"Can you arrange it for us?" they ask.
St. Peter replies, "Are you kidding?!! It took me twenty years to find a priest up here. How am I gonna find you a lawyer?"
---------------------------------
source: jokes.com
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
"I can't wear your trousers." she said.
"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!"
She replied, "That's right...and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."
------------------------------------------------------------
Q: You are stuck in an elevator with a tiger, a lion and a lawyer. You have a gun with just two bullets in it. What do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice to make sure he's dead.
-----------------------
A couple were driving to a church to get married. On the way, they got into a car accident and died. When they arrive in heaven, they see St. Peter at the gate. They ask him if he could arrange it so they could marry in heaven.
St. Peter tells them that he'll do his best to work on it for them.
Three months pass by and the couple hear nothing. They bump into St. Peter and ask him about the marriage.
He says, "I'm still working on it."
Two years pass by and no marriage.
St. Peter again assures them that he's working on it.
Finally after twenty long years, St. Peter comes running with a priest and tells the couple it's time for their wedding.
The couple marry and live happily for a while. But after a few months the couple go and find St. Peter and tell him things are not working out, and that they want to get a divorce.
"Can you arrange it for us?" they ask.
St. Peter replies, "Are you kidding?!! It took me twenty years to find a priest up here. How am I gonna find you a lawyer?"
---------------------------------
source: jokes.com
blackleopard92
Panel of Selectors
LOL!
The touring Buddha has posted jokes!How did that happen!!?!
I can give u reps for that.
The touring Buddha has posted jokes!How did that happen!!?!
I can give u reps for that.
