The Jokes Thread

[surendar]

Cars

* ACURA - Always Catching Up, Rarely Ahead

* AUDI - Accelerates Under Demonic Influence

* BMW - Bavarian Money Waster

* CHEVROLET - Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips

* DODGE - Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere

* FIAT - Fix It Again, Tony

* FORD - Fixed Or Repaired Daily; (Backwards) Driver Returns On Foot

* GMC - Got a Mechanic Coming?

* HONDA - Honest, Officer, Nobody Drank Anything; Had One, Never Did Again

* HYUNDAI - Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive

* JEEP - Journey Eventually Ends Perpendicularly

* KIA - Korea's Incompetence Amazing

* MAZDA - Mismanages A Zillion Dollars Annually

* LAND ROVER - Loud, Agonizing, Noisy Drive - Rattles On Virtually Every Road

* PLYMOUTH - Please Leave Your Money Out Under The Hood

* SAAB - Send Another Automobile Back; Swedish Autos Always Breakdown

* SATURN - Stickers Are Truly Unnegotiable, Rebates Nonexistent

* TOYOTA - Too Often Yankees Overprice This Automobile

* VW - Virtually Worthless

* VOLVO - Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

 

[Ritwik]

BMW - Bavarian Money Waster

Isn't Bavaria in Spain ? I thought BMW was a German company ?

Others are pretty good though.

 

[blackleopard92]

Gun or a Wife, Top 10 Reasons

Tenth Reason
You can trade an old .44 for a new .22

Ninth Reason
You can keep one gun at home and have

another for when.... you're on the road.

Eighth reason
If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

Seventh reason
Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

Sixth reason
Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

Fifth reason
A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

Fourth reason
Guns function normally every day of the month.

Third reason
A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

Second reason
A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

First and the most compelling reason
You can buy a silencer for a Gun!

 

[Ritwik]

Gun or a Wife, Top 10 Reasons

Tenth Reason
You can trade an old .44 for a new .22

Ninth Reason
You can keep one gun at home and have

another for when.... you're on the road.

Eighth reason
If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

Seventh reason
Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

Sixth reason
Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

Fifth reason
A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

Fourth reason
Guns function normally every day of the month.

Third reason
A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

Second reason
A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

First and the most compelling reason
You can buy a silencer for a Gun!

Zeroth reason:
A wife can shoot a loser of a husband (mostly those who laugh at the quoted text) with his gun.

 

[blackleopard92]

Zeroth reason:
A wife can shoot a loser of a husband (mostly those who laugh at the quoted text) with his gun.

it should be her,
however they could only do that if they would be able to lift the thing.

One more fact:

It is said that sane women drivers ability to drive is equal to a man who had seven shots!!!

 

[Ritwik]

"his" gun makes a hell lot more sense, since the "joke" you posted above pertained to men keeping guns instead of wives. Also, guns are more of a "manly" item, and the irony of a wife shooting dead a husband with his gun cannot be missed.

These things are just "male buddies" nonsense, anyway, more suitable to decks of merchant navy ships and army mess halls.

 

[blackleopard92]

"his" gun makes a hell lot more sense, since the "joke" you posted above pertained to men keeping guns instead of wives. Also, guns are more of a "manly" item, and the irony of a wife shooting dead a husband with his gun cannot be missed.

These things are just "male buddies" nonsense, anyway, more suitable to decks of merchant navy ships and army mess halls.

Seems like ritwik didn't have his dinner.

All aboard! the storm is brewing!Ritwik wifes are comming!!

Bang!Bang!Bang!

( all 'Irony' of wifes went to their husbands, et all! it can't be missed )

 

[Ritwik]

How did you know that I didn't partake of a wholly substantial meal ?

And no, I don't have a wife. But I do have a dark secret - I am a closet male feminist! Run!

*Male feminist is a male species who agrees with most of the feminist ideals, but not necessarily with the means used to achieve the ends.

 

[blackleopard92]

How did you know that I didn't partake of a wholly substantial meal ?

Maybe u are not the only illuminated one running around here!

And no, I don't have a wife. But I do have a dark secret - I am a closet male feminist!

closet in the sense u spend time in a closet, with yourself?

*Male feminist is a male species who agrees with most of the feminist ideals, but not necessarily with the means used to achieve the ends.

u know, I am having a lot of 'wierd' tthought going around in my mind considering those lines

Let me see, u agree with most feminist ideals, so that means that u like to spend hrs at dressing tables, combing your hair, polishing nails, getting maicures.Ever tried waxing? .

Also u might go to bed thinking how sexy john Abrahm is :eeK: Thinkin of spendin time with him, are u? ( John Abrahm =Indian Actor)

U might have problems going to Loos.U know, finding 'men' like yourself to accompany u to them would be kinda hard, don't u agree??

Aha! I now read it. not necessarily with the means used to achieve the ends.
So that means u use unconventional methods for the above.

So maybe u take a porcupine to comb hairs, fabric paints for nails, and sand paper for manicures??
Now how do u wax ?

And what about JA? U dream of takin a chainsaw to bed.LOL! Poor Guy!!

And I solved the puzzle.Maybe u chain happless men around u to go with u to loo!!!

Run!

I am doing that!! Hard!


(Discalimer: I know what feminist is (and I am not confusing it with feminie)hence dol not think of me like an idiot of the first order)

 

[Ritwik]

Saying in so many words, you're basically an uninformed idiot. Feminists *hate* makeup, lipstick and all that. (not that I neccessarily agree with these views, but I definitely stand for women's equality and empowerment)

Do yourself a favour and read Urvashi Butalia.

Its just unbelievable how uninformed you're about these matters.

The sort of woman you are referring to is called "promiscous". Example of a feminist movement is the suffragette movement in Britain.

 

[blackleopard92]

Saying in so many words, you're basically an uninformed idiot. Feminists *hate* makeup, lipstick and all that. (not that I neccessarily agree with these views, but I definitely stand for women's equality and empowerment)

Do yourself a favour and read Urvashi Butalia.

Now I see.

I mis read feminist as femisit !!!

Urvashi Butalia

now, what does that mean?

Urvashi = apsara i.e. Babes of heaven (ooh!!, and a feminist!! )
Butalia = Bhut a le ja! ( ghost take me away!!!)

I short = Babes of heaven taken away by ghosts!!

No wonder that she is a femisit err... feminist .

you're basically an uninformed idiot.

That's one way of saying things.
The other is that I let out only as much as necessary.

 

[surendar]

1) Compaq is considering changing the command 'Press any key' to 'Press Enter key' because of the flood of calls asking where is the 'Any' key.

2) AST technical support had a called complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packed in !

3) Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. The customer had stuck labels on the diskettes. then rolled them into his typewriter to type on the labels.

4) Another customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later. a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.

5) A Dell technician advised a customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, put the receiver next to the phone, crossed his room and closed the door to his room.

6) Another Del customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting. the tech discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the 'Send' key.

7) Yet another Dell customer called to complain tat his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaked the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

8) A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was engraged because his computer had told him he was 'bad and invalid'. The tech explained that the computer's 'bad' command and 'invalid' resoponses shouldn't be taken personally.

9) An exasperated caller to Dell computer Tech support couldn't get her new Dell computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on" this foot pedal and nothing happened". The 'foot pedal' turned out to be the computer's mouse.

10) A confused caller to IBM told the technician that the computer had said it 'couldn't find printer'. The user had tried turning the computer screen to face the printer, but that his computer 'still' couldn't 'see' the printer.

11) Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. she said, she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes, waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked 'what power switch ? '



12) Another IBM customer had troubles in installing software and rang for support, "I put in the first disk and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk and I had. Some problems with that disk when It said put in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realised that "Insert disk 2" meant to remove disk 1 first.

 

[surendar]

A Small joke

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
STUDENT: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
STUDENT: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

 

[newzolt]

nice jokes.

 

[blackleopard92]

newzolt, it was 15 mins