The Jokes Thread

[newzolt]

One night a guy dropped his girlfriend at her home.

As they were about to wish each other goodnight at the front door, the guy
Started feeling a little in the mood. With an air of confidence, he leaned
With his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her "Honey, would
You give me a kiss?"
Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asked grinning at her.
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on!
There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!".
"No way, it's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?".
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!".
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
"No, no. I just can't" "I'm begging you ... "

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and the girl's elder
Sister showed up in her pajamas, hair dishevelled, and in a sleepy voice
She said,

"Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if need be,
Mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's sake and all of
Ours....

TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE DOOR BELL!!"

 

[blackleopard92]

A newlywed bride and groom had been busy at "it" for three straight days.

The groom arose early and was reading the paper, thinking it was time to do something else.... When his bride woke up, he said, "Honey would you like to see Oliver Twist?"

His bride replied, "You show me one more trick with that thing and I'm going home to mother!"


======================================================

A girl who was in the eighth grade said to her parents, "Today we had a physician in our class. We all undressed and he conducted a check-up."

"And?" the mom very curious

"You know, they found only one virgin in the entire class."

"Good girl" the Mon said

"Mom, but that was our teacher."

 

[Ritwik]

Rather feeble jokes there, leo

 

[newzolt]

Employer: We can pay you 75 dollars a week now and 100 dollars a week in eight months.
Applicant: Thank you. I’ll drop back in eight months.

 

[blackleopard92]

Rather feeble jokes there, leo

maybe u are in mood for Stock Market jokes .

The New STOCK MARKET Terminology

STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth Rs 1000 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth Rs 200.

BOND: What you had with your spouse until invested in the stock market

BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell Broke.

BEAR: What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your friend gave you.

BULL: What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.

MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes when you're supposed to be listening to your manager's presentation.

SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn't actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. "In debt, sir? Hahaha, well, I'm a little short this month.").

COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.

 

[newzolt]

Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.

 

[Abhas]

excellent jokes surendar...

 

[newzolt]

An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. "Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.

"The front row please." she answered.
"You really don't want to do that", the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired. “No." he said.
"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.
"No." she said.
"Good," he answered.

 

[blackleopard92]

lol! nice one.
if u want really funny jokes, run aroud to
http://www.planetcricket.org/forums/showthread.php?t=10103&page=8&pp=15

and start reading.Be sure u put cushions around your chair
Total fun.

 

[newzolt]

Two women were talking about their new milkman.
First: He's very good looking, punctual & dresses so smartly.
And so quickly too!, said the other.

 

[Karachi Xpress]

Brought it on Yourself
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

 

[aliwaas]

nice jokes
thanks all of u

 

[surendar]

TOP 10 Store signs

1.Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary, we hear you coming."

2.Outside a hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."

3.On a desk in a reception room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman , and the 2nd one just left."

4.In a veterinarians waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes, Sit ! Stay!"

5.At the electric company: "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't you will be."

6.On the door of a computer store: "Out for a quick
byte."

7.In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up."

8.Inside a bowling alley: "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."

9.In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."

10.In a counselors office: "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.

 

[newzolt]

Girls are Hot

Why do girls carry Money in their Bosom?

Because they want to bank their wealth where it will draw the most interest.

 

[blackleopard92]

Why do girls carry Money in their Bosom?

Because they want to bank their wealth where it will draw the most interest.

lol!
it moved me