The Jokes Thread

[tassietiger]

This is really one that has to be said and not read, but.

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?






A: Where's my tractor?

 

[duffarama]

This is really one that has to be said and not read, but.

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?






A: Where's my tractor?

Man, that's one of the worst jokes that I've ever heard - and the funny thing is... I'm laughing my head off!

!

 

[nightprowler10]

Smart friend

One day, Sara, Tony's wife is home alone and the doorbell rings.

She opens it to a guy, "Hi I'm Tony's friend Chris, is Tony home?"

The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."

So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."

Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."

Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.
A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."

Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

One night a guy dropped his girlfriend at her home.

As they were about to wish each other goodnight at the front door, the guy
Started feeling a little in the mood. With an air of confidence, he leaned
With his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her "Honey, would
You give me a blowjob?"
Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asked grinning at her.
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on!
There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!".
"No way, it's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?".
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!".
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
"No, no. I just can't" "I'm begging you ... "

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and the girl's elder
Sister showed up in her pajamas, hair dishevelled, and in a sleepy voice
She said,

"Dad says to go ahead and give him a blowjob, or I can do it. Or if need be,
Mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's sake and all of
Ours....

TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE INTERCOM!!"

There I fixed it for you..

 

[gamerkid22]

Plus Sign

Little Tommy was doing very badly in Maths. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic School.

After the first day, little Tommy comes home with a very serious look on his face. He doesn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room & starts studying. Books & papers are spread out all over the room and little Tommy is hard at work. His mother is amazed. She calls him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he is done he marches back to his room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the books as hard as before. This goes on for sometime, day after day while the mother tries to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Tommy brings home his report card. He quietly lays it on the table and goes up to his room and hits the books. With great trepidation, his mom looks at it and to her surprise, little Tommy got an A in math. She can no longer hold her curiosity. She goes to his room and says: "Son, what was it? Was it the strictness in school?"

Little Tommy looks at her and shakes his head "No".

"Well then", she replies, "was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms, WHAT was it?".

Little Tommy looks at her and says, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.

 

[nightprowler10]

That was hilarious. Good one gamerkid.

 

[moza1]

This is really one that has to be said and not read, but.

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?






A: Where's my tractor?

I tell this jokes lots, its awesome.

And thats the point of the joke Duff, for it to be so bad it gets people to laugh.

 

[gamerkid22]

That was hilarious. Good one gamerkid.

thanks nightprowler

This one is really funny

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students.
As it was her first day in the class,she gave her intro and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.

She said, Lets start with the boys first.
Boys start giving their intro...

First boy:My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.

Teacher was confused to listen but said" Interesting. Well, Ok. Infact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So its ok John.Yes next".

Second boy:Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.

Teacher now got surprised and said "Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next."

Third boy:I am Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.

Teacher:Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next.

This continues........and the last boy stands up Im Harry and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.

Frustrated,the teacher said" I dont think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long".

Anyway, now the girls please.

First girl: Im Julie and my hobby is to see birds.

Teacher: Good. At last I got something different.
Ok next.

Second girl: Im Ruby and I like to collect perfumes.

Teacher Now its like educated grown up girls. Ok next.

You sweet girl; Yes you...

Most beautiful girl of the class:Mam, my name is BUBBLE , and my hobby is to take bath three times a day.

 

[manee]

Lol. Good one mate.

 

[F4rrukh]

LoL that is damn hilarious just cant stop laughing :laugh :laugh :laugh keep them coming

 

[usy]

thanks nightprowler

This one is really funny

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students.
As it was her first day in the class,she gave her intro and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.

She said, Lets start with the boys first.
Boys start giving their intro...

First boy:My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.

Teacher was confused to listen but said" Interesting. Well, Ok. Infact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So its ok John.Yes next".

Second boy:Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.

Teacher now got surprised and said "Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next."

Third boy:I am Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.

Teacher:Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next.

This continues........and the last boy stands up Im Harry and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.

Frustrated,the teacher said" I dont think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long".

Anyway, now the girls please.

First girl: Im Julie and my hobby is to see birds.

Teacher: Good. At last I got something different.
Ok next.

Second girl: Im Ruby and I like to collect perfumes.

Teacher Now its like educated grown up girls. Ok next.

You sweet girl; Yes you...

Most beautiful girl of the class:Mam, my name is BUBBLE , and my hobby is to take bath three times a day.

lol best joke ever. 100/100 superB.

 

[usy]

It would have been more funny if there was a Picture of Bubble in the bathtub ,

 

[nightprowler10]

It would have been more funny if there was a Picture of Bubble in the bathtub ,

You pervert. She's in 8th grade.

 

[gamerkid22]

Thanks Usy,Farrukh,maane,nightprowler and all other guys who read the joke and enjoyed it

Here's another one this time with pictures

------------------------------
A WONDERFUL NIGHT

After spending the night with a young, sexy, passion woman. Sam rolled
over, and pulled a cigarette from his pants. He searched for his lighter.
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

"There might be a matchbox in the top drawer."

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matchstickes kept neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.

Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before my sex change operation."

 

[duffarama]

Nice joke there gamerkid. Your jokes are almost as funny as mine!

 

[Adarsh]

Now now, don't get carried away Duff.