The Jokes Thread

Is wittiest/funniest answer competition a good idea?


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  • Poll closed .
Great jokes gamerkid22!!!! :happy :happy :happy
 
Got this in the mail:

from HER & HIS diaries

HER DIARY

I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing."
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He
said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him, but he
simply smiled and kept driving.

I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he
didn't say, "I love you too."

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him, as if
he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there and watched TV; he seemed distant
and absent.

Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes
later he came to bed.

I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I
decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.
I started crying and cried until I fell asleep.
I do not know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with
someone else.

My life is a disaster.



HIS DIARY

Today India lost the final match again. DAMN IT.
 
duffarama said:
Nice joke there gamerkid. Your jokes are almost as funny as mine! ;)

surender said:
Great jokes gamerkid22!!!!

thanks guys :cheers

lol :D good one Zorax

----------------------------------
Caught

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question....

WIFE:
"What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE:: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE:: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do"

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewellery?"

HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: -- silence --

HUSBAND:: "sh*t."
 
This is what duff gave to CD for becomming his fan.His fav chair.




amazing_wc_2.jpg
 
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announced to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy: a 3-pack, 10-pack or a family pack. "I'm really going to put it to this girl," the boy tells the pharmacist.

The pharmacist, with a laugh, suggests the family pack saying the boy will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend finally leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns and whispers back;

"I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There was a magician doing his magic tricks, and suddenly he calls up a guy from the audiance and gives him a hammer. The guy says, "what do you want me to do with this?" and the magician responds, "I'm going to lay my head down on that stool and you need to hit my head with the hammer". Shocked, the guy said, "are you sure?" and the magician confidently says, "yep, it's a magic trick,". So the magician lays his head down on the stool and the guy smashes it. Waking from a coma ten years later, what was the magician's first word?
ta-da!
 
Three nuns were talking.

the first nun said, "i was cleaning the father's room the other day and do you
know what i found? a bunch of pornographic magazines!"
"what did you do?" the other nuns asked.
"well, of course i threw them all in the trash."
the second nun said, "well, i can top that. i was in the father's room putting
away the laundry and i found a bunch of condoms."
"oh my," gasped the other nuns. "what did you do?" they asked.
"i poked holes in all of them" she replied.
the third nun said, "oh s***."
 

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