The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter scorpion_rulezz
- Start date
Ball games
Ball games
I have played Soccer, Tennis, Cricket, Squash, Badminton and the 3 most useful tips that were given to me were: -
- Put all you have into looking for a spot or other such marking on the ball until it leaves your racquet or bat ~ this prevents you taking your eye off the ball.
- It’s never over 'til it's over ~ no matter what the score is' keep cool and keep up your effort ~ don't let your shoulders drop.
- Keep your cool and don't be tempted to try too hard, 95% of mistakes are caused by trying too hard. You must practice everyday until you are able to relax and let your body do what it wants to do.
What brought these to my attention, and were emphasized in a Bob Harman tennis book, was that I played my best tennis shots when we were knocking up, when the service was out and other such stress free moments.
Ball games
I have played Soccer, Tennis, Cricket, Squash, Badminton and the 3 most useful tips that were given to me were: -
- Put all you have into looking for a spot or other such marking on the ball until it leaves your racquet or bat ~ this prevents you taking your eye off the ball.
- It’s never over 'til it's over ~ no matter what the score is' keep cool and keep up your effort ~ don't let your shoulders drop.
- Keep your cool and don't be tempted to try too hard, 95% of mistakes are caused by trying too hard. You must practice everyday until you are able to relax and let your body do what it wants to do.
What brought these to my attention, and were emphasized in a Bob Harman tennis book, was that I played my best tennis shots when we were knocking up, when the service was out and other such stress free moments.
kamrandahir
Club Cricketer
nice jokes newzolt 
blackleopard92
Panel of Selectors
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a
protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult, "Gonzales said. They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value.
They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as unknowns, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."
protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult, "Gonzales said. They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value.
They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as unknowns, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."
nightprowler10
Executive member
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2004
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- Madhouse on Madison
- Online Cricket Games Owned
- Don Bradman Cricket 14 - PS3
Read it before, always funny. And that really does sound like something Bush would say.blackleopard92 said:
Not a joke, but I just saw this video on YouTube. Some guy is wrapped in pads and stands in front of a bowling machine, firing balls at 99mph!
Brilliant!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INQqTGc4ZUM
Brilliant!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INQqTGc4ZUM
aitzaz
Club Cricketer
keep en up dudez!
Just something funny to read.
Just something funny to read.
1) It’s better to be crazy & know it than being sane & doubt it.
2) I’m lost. I've gone out to find me. If I come back before I return, please ask me to wait.
3) I live in my own little world!!! But that's okay, cause they know me there.
4) No lifeguard on duty. Swim at your own risk...
5) Daydreaming is way better than school!
6) Education is the progressive relation of our ignorance.
7) Insanity: A perfectly normal change to a normal mind.
8) The voices in my head are snoring.
9) Me? Psychotic? What gave you that idea?
10) I’m not crazy! It's the rest of you that are freaks!
11) You say I'm psycho like it's a bad thing!
12) Insanity in individuals is something rare but in groups, parties, nations, & epochs... it is the rule!!!
13) Only two things are infinite: the universe, & human stupidity...
14) My fist & your teeth have an appointment...
15) If nobody is perfect then hi, my name is Nobody.
16) Caution: Professionals at work
17) I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
18) Due to recent cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off till further notice!!!
19) Lifting weights are fun!!!
Use your siblings to your advantage.
Just something funny to read.
1) It’s better to be crazy & know it than being sane & doubt it.
2) I’m lost. I've gone out to find me. If I come back before I return, please ask me to wait.
3) I live in my own little world!!! But that's okay, cause they know me there.
4) No lifeguard on duty. Swim at your own risk...
5) Daydreaming is way better than school!
6) Education is the progressive relation of our ignorance.
7) Insanity: A perfectly normal change to a normal mind.
8) The voices in my head are snoring.
9) Me? Psychotic? What gave you that idea?
10) I’m not crazy! It's the rest of you that are freaks!
11) You say I'm psycho like it's a bad thing!
12) Insanity in individuals is something rare but in groups, parties, nations, & epochs... it is the rule!!!
13) Only two things are infinite: the universe, & human stupidity...
14) My fist & your teeth have an appointment...
15) If nobody is perfect then hi, my name is Nobody.
16) Caution: Professionals at work
17) I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
18) Due to recent cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off till further notice!!!
19) Lifting weights are fun!!!
Use your siblings to your advantage.
evertonfan
Chairman of Selectors
Ha! Number 17 is funny!
blackleopard92
Panel of Selectors
MISTAKES ON A RESUME these are hilarious!
These are from actual resumes:
"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please
don't let them know of my immediate availability."
Qualifications:
"I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap."
"I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich."
"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
"Number of dependents: 40."
"Marital Status: Often.
Children: Various."
REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:
"Responsibility makes me nervous."
"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."
"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."
"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."
SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:
"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."
"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:
"Education: College, August 1880-May 1984."
"Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."
"Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget."
"I'm a rabid typist."
These are from actual resumes:
"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please
don't let them know of my immediate availability."
Qualifications:
"I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap."
"I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich."
"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
"Number of dependents: 40."
"Marital Status: Often.
Children: Various."
REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:
"Responsibility makes me nervous."
"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."
"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."
"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."
SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:
"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."
"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:
"Education: College, August 1880-May 1984."
"Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."
"Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget."
"I'm a rabid typist."
evertonfan
Chairman of Selectors
Those are funny too!
blackleopard92
Panel of Selectors
usy said:Duffy If you think you're funny crack some Jokes on Wolrd Cup, remember they have to be funny...
usy's going to be the winner of golden boot.
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