The Jokes Thread

Is wittiest/funniest answer competition a good idea?


  • Total voters
    16
  • Poll closed .
Software Daddy

DADDY! HOW WAS I BORN?" Junior asks his dad, His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"

"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete
button."


"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted in her BIOS. Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said:

You've Got Male'!"
 
This one maybe a bit inappropriate, but here it is anyway...

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says ... Well, I guess we finally answered "THAT question!"
 
Letters to Dad

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I really need, $o if you want, ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, Your $on.

------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to NOrmally keep an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never spend eNOugh time studying.

Love, Dad
 
A woman takes her boyfriend home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 8-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet. The woman's husband also comes home.
The woman puts her boyfriend in the closet, not realizing that her son is in there, already.
The little boy says, "It' really dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "I'll tell my dad."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250.00."
In the next few weeks, it happens yet again that the boy and the boyfriend are in the closet, together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
The boyfriend, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy: "$750"
Man: "Sold."
A few days later, the boy's father asks him, "Where's your glove, let's go outside and play a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and glove."
Surprised the father asks, "How much did you get for them?
Boy: "$1,000.00."
The dad says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is a lot more than those things cost. You go down to church on Saturday and go to confession."
The boy goes to the church, enters the confessional booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Wow, it's really dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that stuff again; this is my closet."
 
The Indian weatherman​

A film crew was on location deep in the Arizona desert. One day an old Indian walks up to the director and says "Tomorrow rain."

The next day it rained. A few days later, the Indian walks up to the director again and says, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.

"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather for the rest of the shoot..

After several more successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.

Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."
 
Doing Nothing -

A fat ass Desi was overheard telling his friend outside the temple during a function:

"I was relaxing in my favorite chair on Sunday, Reading the newspaper, Watching a football game on TV and Listening to another game on the radio, Drinking a beer, Eating a snack, and Scratching our dog with my foot -- and My wife had the nerve to accuse me of just sitting there doing nothing!"
 
How many suicide bombers does it take to screw in a light bulb.

We do not know they don't live as lomg as a light bulb
 
The Golden Urinal

Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a get-acquainted tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.

When he entered Clinton's private toilet, he was astonished to see that President Clinton had a fancy solid gold urinal.

That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think " he said, "when I am president, I could have a gold urinal too. But I wouldn't do something that self-induligible!"


Later when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been at his discovery of the fact that in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.

That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled, and said to Bill, "I found out who peed in your saxophone.
 
What is a Kiss?

In view of...

GEOMETRY: Kiss is the shortest distance between two Lips!

ECONOMICS: Kiss is that thing for which DEMAND is always higher than SUPPLY!

PHYSICS: It is that essence, which CHARGES THE BODY!

COMPUTER: Its a LAN which connects two hardwares without any DATA ACCESSORY!
 
blackleopard92 said:
What is a Kiss?

In view of...

GEOMETRY: Kiss is the shortest distance between two Lips!

ECONOMICS: Kiss is that thing for which DEMAND is always higher than SUPPLY!

PHYSICS: It is that essence, which CHARGES THE BODY!

COMPUTER: Its a LAN which connects two hardwares without any DATA ACCESSORY!
I wonder what a kiss is in your mind Leo. :)
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Top