The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter scorpion_rulezz
- Start date
James219
International Cricketer
I heard, by far, THE lamest joke EVER (well, I haven't read through this thread, so maybe not 
) at school today; why doesn't John Howard work mornings? 'Cause he's PM, not AM! I came perilously close to crying actual tears of sorrow over the fact that people have gone to such extremes...
) at school today; why doesn't John Howard work mornings? 'Cause he's PM, not AM! I came perilously close to crying actual tears of sorrow over the fact that people have gone to such extremes...BlackCapForLife
School Cricketer
Haha, these are all good jokes.
kookaburra69
International Coach
- Joined
- Jun 19, 2006
- Online Cricket Games Owned
I have a joke but it might not be very sutible anyways
Q:Why is going bundgy jumping and having sex with a prositute so similar?
A:beacuse if the rubber breaks your dead.
I heard it off a friend and thought it was quite funny.
Q:Why is going bundgy jumping and having sex with a prositute so similar?
A:beacuse if the rubber breaks your dead.
I heard it off a friend and thought it was quite funny.
nightprowler10
Executive member
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2004
- Location
- Madhouse on Madison
- Online Cricket Games Owned
- Don Bradman Cricket 14 - PS3
Kinda funny, but probably not suitable for this forum. We have a lot of very young members here, ranging from 11 year olds.kookaburra69 said:
kookaburra69
International Coach
- Joined
- Jun 19, 2006
- Online Cricket Games Owned
thats what i was worried of,so i better take it off.
ste_mc_efc
Chairman of Selectors
2 fish in a tank, one says the the other, "how do you dirve this thing?"
awful but couldnt be bothered typing anything longer
awful but couldnt be bothered typing anything longer
kamrandahir
Club Cricketer
Man says to a rabbi, "Something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
"What's wrong?" asks the rabbi
"My wife is poisoning me." says the man.
Shocked the rabbi asks, "Are you sure?"
"I'm certain she's poisoning me," replies the man. "What should I do?"
"Tell you what," says the rabbi. "Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for several hours. You want my advice?"
"Yes, rabbi... please!" says the man.
"Take the poison!"
"What's wrong?" asks the rabbi
"My wife is poisoning me." says the man.
Shocked the rabbi asks, "Are you sure?"
"I'm certain she's poisoning me," replies the man. "What should I do?"
"Tell you what," says the rabbi. "Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for several hours. You want my advice?"
"Yes, rabbi... please!" says the man.
"Take the poison!"
scorpion_rulezz
Club Cricketer
Classic definitions
1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
3. Marriage : It?s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.
4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through ?the minds of either?.
6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.
9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway ?See I am not injured yet.?
24. Pessimist : A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
26. Father : A banker provided by nature.
27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest? except that he got caught.
28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails.
1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
3. Marriage : It?s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.
4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through ?the minds of either?.
6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.
9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway ?See I am not injured yet.?
24. Pessimist : A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
26. Father : A banker provided by nature.
27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest? except that he got caught.
28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails.
tassietiger
International Cricketer
- Joined
- Mar 15, 2005
- Online Cricket Games Owned
scorpion_rulezz said:
Love that one, just because it's exactly what I use it for
Some really good ones on that list.
blackleopard92
Panel of Selectors
How Long
An old but still handsome Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously!? I mean, no sex since 1955!?"
Feeling charitable and a little bit drunk, she took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"
The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."
An old but still handsome Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously!? I mean, no sex since 1955!?"
Feeling charitable and a little bit drunk, she took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"
The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."
