The Jokes Thread

[kamrandahir]

Two Blondes went shopping locked the car in a hurry, forgetting to remove the key from the ignition. Realizing the mistake, the first Blonde asked, "Why don't we get a coat hanger to open it?"

"No, that won't work" answered the second Blonde. "People will think we're trying to break in."

"What if we use a nail clipper to cut around the rubber, then stick a finger in and pull up the lock?"

"They're electric locks, silly," said the first Blonde.

"Well," sighed the second Blonde, "we'd better think of something fast. It's starting to rain, and the sun roof is open!"

 

[Karachi Xpress]

That was funny! lol!

 

[kookaburra69]

haha good joke mate,sometimes i wish i want blond

 

[kamrandahir]

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

 

[shravi]

Nice one Kamrandahir! It's a really good joke!

 

[kookaburra69]

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

nice joke mate,really funny

 

[shravi]

Keep the blonde jokes coming!

 

[kamrandahir]

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first to travel in space!"

The American said, "We were the first men to land on the moon!"

"So what," said the Blonde. "We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!"

"We're not stupid, you know." replied the Blonde. "We're going at night!"

 

[Karachi Xpress]

Godfather's Lawyer

A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a
room to meet with his former accountant.

The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks
you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer.

The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you
embezzled from me?"

The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot
understand you, but I can interpret for you."

The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my damn money is!" The
attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3
million dollars is.

The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what
you are talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the
temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him
again where my damn money is!"

The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where
it is!"

The accountant signs back, "OK! OK! OK! The money is hidden in
a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!"

The Godfather says, "Well....what did he say?"

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says...go to hell...
..that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

Ticket Please


Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, each of the three lawyers buys a ticket while the three engineers buy only one ticket.

"How can the three of you travel on one ticket?" asks a lawyer.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

Aboard the train the lawyers take their respective seats while all three engineers cram into the restroom and squeeze the door closed behind them.

When the conductor comes around collecting tickets, he knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The lawyers are impressed with this clever idea. One the way home from the conference, they decide to copy the engineers' technique. At the station, they buy a single ticket for their return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all!

"How in the hell are you going to pull this off?" asks a lawyer.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

They board the train. The three lawyers cram into one restroom and the three engineers cram into the other restroom.

Shortly after the train departs, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and knocks on the other restroom door. "Ticket, please!"

 

[kookaburra69]

haha thats a great joke the 2nd one,i have heard it before though

 

[kamrandahir]

Did u know meaning of WOMEN?​

"W"ant
"O"ne
"M"an for
"E"very
"N"ight

 

[scorpion_rulezz]

nice one kamran

 

[Karachi Xpress]

LEGS!

A college student needed a small two-hour course 2 fill his schedule and the only one available was wildlife zoology.After one week, a test was held.the professor passed out a sheet of paper divided into four squares.In each square was a carefully drawn picture of a bird's legs.No bodies, no feet, just legs.The test asked each student 2 identify the birds from their legs.The student sat and stared at the test getting angrier every minute.Finally he stomped up 2 the front of the classroom and threw the test on the teacher's desk."This is the worst test i have ever given."The teacher looked up and said: "young man, u have flunked the test. what's your name?"the student pulled up his pant 2 the knee showing his legs and said: "u tell me...."

U hav a message!

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his blonde neighbour came out of the house and went straight 2 the mail box.She opened it, then slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house and again went 2 the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready 2 edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched 2 the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "is something wrong?"
the blonde replied, "there certainly is! my stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, 'u've got mail!'"

 

[blackleopard92]

Blonde Nationality

A virile, middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guidowas relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where they had passionate sex.

After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion.

The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?"

Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?"

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian."

 

[DJ Ager]

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"